Why do I have problems getting over it?

Question

Here I am again, with a wee problem... I'm currently seeing someone, and I'm happy with that relationship. But that aside, no matter if I were single or taken, like is currently the case, I never once had problems with getting over men who broke up with me. I easily fall in love, but I easily fall out of it again - at the most, it takes me a day or two to get over someone. I know, it's not normal, and taking your time to get over someone is, but that is the case with me. I get over things with no problem.

This time, I do have a problem getting over my previous break-up. I catch myself still thinking about that man, I still wear the birthday gift he gave to me. It's been in my mind since he broke it off - roughly about 3 months and a half - but even more strongly the last 3 weeks. It's not fair on my current boyfriend that I should even think about the previous one, and where that relationship lasted only 3 weeks, this one is 3 months now.

So why can't I get over the last one???

Good point; I could be still in love with the ex... but let's be realistic. I've only been out with him for 3 weeks, and we started going out basically right after we met. How much chance is there that I could actually be in love with someone I just met, rather than be in love with the idea of him being someone I want him to be?

Although I've learned to not see what I want to see, and just see what is there. I see just him. I see what he looks like and his personality - the pieces of it that I've learned so far - and what I do see of him, comes close, but doesn't weigh up to the qualities of my current fella. I know this, and I realise this, and still I catch myself thinking about that ex more often than I think about my current boyfriend.

My current relationship has a lot of freedom for me. I still deny I'm in any relationship to anyone who asks, and I like it that way. I am a commitment-phobe; the very mention of the word marriage sends me up the curtains. I am a bit of a loner, and don't want anyone to invade my privacy, I guess that is why I don't want too much commitment.

I'm also taking advantage of the freedom I have in this current relationship, to take the time for myself, as I've been through loads of things at once and one worse than the other. Compared to which the last break up was hardly anything.

I don't think it's a sign of maturing either, because - when I said this never happened to me before, I lied. It happened two times before, so in which respects I should have been matured at the age of 16.

Another add to explain why it is so strange that I can't seem to get over him;

Think of the song Ruby Tuesday - it almost nearly applies to me. In any respect.
I also have a fantastic recovery system - physical as well as psychological. I get over things without any problem, which is - I suppose - a good thing if you consider the things I've been through since I was a baby. I'm basically a survivor and have no problems to eliminate those things that hold me back - this 'lovesickness' is one of those things. The only time that I cannot eliminate them, is because they aren't finished yet.

Or, I feel they aren't finished yet.

But he made clear that it was finished for him, and so it's completely finished, no? I can't eliminate the thought that my subconscious is trying to tell me something... but I don't have the guts to go up to him and ask him about it. And to clear things up, of course.

Answer 1

OK, this is just my theory and I tend to explain with analogies but . . . here goes ,
Relationships are kind of like good dinners or parties . . .
Over the course of time, some are better than others.
As time goes by , we tend to remember certain ones and want more of that or to replicate it.
It is human nature to want the best thing.
Some people have characteristics that leave us wanting more and until be find someone that we sense is a true equal or better , we keep longing for that old one.
This idea of better however, if often partly based on fantasy that we create from the limited experience with that person.
Oddly, men are the most set in 'fantasy' because so many of them are still in love with their first / high school love ! And 10 or 20 years later , that is a total fantasy because women change a lot in a decade or 2, and not just physically but mostly personality wise.

But that is my theory, we are looking to redo that great dinner party !

Answer 2

You need time in between boyfriends to really search inside what you really want. If you are starting a new relationship with someone, and you are not over the last one, it is extremely unfair to them and yourself, because you are not going to put real effort into it. Maybe you need to back up and be alone for awhile.

Answer 3

Maybe you are finally starting to mature. Falling in and out of love so quickly is something teenagers do. You're starting to realize that that is not leading you anywhere.

Answer 4

may be u r not satiesfied with ur current boyfriend or as in most of the cases u r in love with ur x boyfriend

Answer 5

I think it's too early sweetie. :( When I've had heartbreaking separations there was no way I could see somebody new so soon. :(