My wife and I have a reoccurring situation that has to be figured out for us to fix our unneccessary conflicts. When she has a "eureka moment" , it makes me soooo mad . After 2 years of pushing that same button on me & doing the same thing over and over (even after I tell her " It makes me crazy when you_________." ) , she wakes up and says "oh, i get it now". She then says" i finally see why you don't like it when I ________, so now I won't do that anymore. Why does it infuriate me that it took her so long and why didn't she know that it was incorrect to begin with? That is my issue with it, but her issue is : Why am I mad at her for finally doing what I have been asking her to do? She feels that I should be glad that she gets it. Can anyone help us figure out why there is a problem? We feel as if we need an interpreter.
2007-03-07 06:31:40 · 8 answers · asked by Roy S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are each doing something wrong. No, you should not get angry at her for doing what you asked. However, you would do well to explain something to your wife. Point out to her how many times this situation has come up, and also how many times she has realized you were correct. With that established, tell her that you would like for her to conclude that she should automatically comply when you ask her to make a change, because she will figure it out later, and you won't be angry in the meantime. In this manner, tell her, you will both be happier in the long run. Ask her to make the simple adjustment from assuming you are wrong until she realizes you are right, to assuming you are right until she realizes you are wrong.
2007-03-07 06:45:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a communication problem. You're getting upset because you feel she should be more in tune with you and what's getting you PMO'd while she thinks whatever she's doing that annoys you is just a passing incident and that everythings ok 5 minutes later.
Some people can understand others better and your wife probably isn't one of them. That means you'll have to explain things slowly and clearer to her and being calm and rational is a far better approach than getting upset and barking that you're pissed off. Once you've explained it, if she repeats the offense then you'll have to sit her down and calmly explain it again, emphasizing how important it is to you. She'll get it.
You might have to take a look at yourself, too. Are you getting angry over a triffle or are these incidents really worth becoming upset over? If it's happening a lot between you, maybe your expectations are too high.
If, after self analysis and some effort to understand each other, you're still having the same trouble, it's probably time to see a marriage counsellor.
2007-03-07 07:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by STEVE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two just seem overly sensitive. It doesnt really seem like a big deal. Maybe you need take a break from each other. Go on a weekend with the guys get away and your wife should go on a weekend with the girls get away. Jeez, the two of you should just chill out and at least be greatful that you are able to communicate, even if it does take her awhile to get, at least she gets it.
2007-03-07 06:37:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she has finally processed the information or finally looked at the situation in a different way and can now see where you are coming from. Are you Mr. Perfect and get everything from the get go? Give the woman some slack.
Good luck!
2007-03-07 06:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe to begin with you was not explaining yourself well enough. As to why it upsets you that she does this. Why are you mad at her for finally getting it? Because it took so long for her to figure out where you were comging from. That right there tells me that when you approached her it was coming from anger when you asked her to stop doing it to begin with instead of coming to her calmly. It is natural that when someone is approached as being attacked they will defind themselves like they are being attacked. She was not looking at it from your prospective because you was not explaining it from your prospective you was explainging it out of anger. Be understanding to her that it has taken her so long to understand your point of view she probably feels a bit guilty not being understanding to begin with. You went from one extreme to another being mad at her for this reason to being mad at her for another. There are going to be many things in your marriage that comes up that either she or you do not like about the other but somethings you just have to let slide because no one is perfect. All of this energy that you are putting into being mad at her is not only wearing on you emotionaly but obviously effecting your marriage as well. Why can't you and her call it a truce and start focusing all this energy of anger to love. If you look at the root of anger it is not actually anger it is hurt. You are hurt that it has taken her so long to get it, and it was hurt that she was conflicting up on you when she was doing it. If she has appologized and stopped doing it what else can she do to have you forgive her?
2007-03-07 06:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by Rigssy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The natural response when confronted with conflict is to fight it. When she cools down, she admits she's wrong. Be glad that you have somebody that at least later on admits that she was wrong. Many people never get to that point.
2007-03-07 06:36:41 · answer #6 · answered by floridaguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is a big problem, just a lack of communication.
2007-03-07 07:23:28 · answer #7 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you rather her "Eureka" me?
2007-03-07 06:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by Master Richard 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋