Why should we care about/help those that REFUSE to help themselves?

Question

Example 1: I once worked with a woman who, at least twice a day, went through a ten minute period of choking on herself. She would sit at her desk choking and spitting bile into tissues, and we all had to put up with it. Other people said that we "had to" help her, since we were on the second floor, and it was "so hard" for her to go up and down the stairs for files she needed. She never seemed to have trouble with the steps when it came to one of her smoking breaks, however. She spoke bitterly of people that were trying to tell her to quit smoking. I refused to do the file runs for her since she used the stairs just fine when she wanted to. Now, since she refused to try to help herself, why was I "uncompassionate" for refusing to help her?

Example 2 - I read an article about a woman living in a shack in Africa. She had 3 kids she could not feed, and was pregnant with the 4th. She said after the 4th, she would get birth control. She would not get it sooner because she wanted 4 kids, whether she could take care of them or not. Since she created her own situation by having multiple children she knew she could not care for, and would not help herself by getting birth control, why should I care about her or people like her in that type of situation?

Example 3: Africa in general. Missionaries and other helping types go there to try to educate them about disease, etc, and are ignored at best, threatened and/or physically harmed at worst. They keep producing babies, babies, babies even though they cannot take care of the ones they have. They have random sex even with all the disease going around. Since they will not help themselves, why should anyone else help them?

edit to david i - Well, since I do need to work for a living, I do need to drive a car. Public transportation is not an option unless I want to add miles of walking to my days. But, unlike the woman at work, I am not having other people do my work for me.

edit to legitamate2000 - No, YOU are missing the boat. First of all, the smoker refused to do anything to make her own situation any better. Second, she went up and down those stairs just fine when it came time to suck down her cancer sticks. So, if she was fine using the stairs to smoke, why couldn't she use them to do her work? *I* would not have received anything (no extra pay, no extra time off) for retching and delivering her files for her. In fact, there were times when someone who ran the woman's errands for her got in trouble for not having their own work done. Yes, they explained they did the other woman's errands. No, it did not matter.

Answer 1

You weren't. She is an example of politcal correctness gone mad. She refuses to help herself because she has conned others into doing her work for her. The political correctness aspect comes into play when others refuse to criticize abhorent, lazy or rude behaviour. Personally, I would not help this person simply because she is paid to do a job. Are you paid extra or does she offer you a portion of her pay for the work done on her behalf? It is one thing if someone has a LEGITIMATE medical condition, a little help is alright. Help is not warranted if someone is killing themselves with a smoking habit that they refuse to get help kicking.

Answer 2

Perhaps we should help the ignorant because we want to survive ourselves.

We are living in a closed ecosystem, rather like yeast in a carboy. Now if you give yeast sugar, warmth and water they will happily eat, excrete and reproduce until their space is full and they all drown in their own excrement. This process with yeast is called fermentation. In humans it is called freedom.

I submit that, if we all want to live, we all need to care about those who would poison us with their reckless lifestyles. Does it matter why someone overproduces children or overconsumes energy if the end result is the death of us all?

Yes, smokers are stupid (I worked in an OR for 20 years and know their lungs better than they do) and African sexual practice is more responsible for AIDS and overpopulation than our feeble attempts at foreign aid can fix, but if we want to live these problems must be corrected on a global scale.

Do you drive a standard gasoline vehicle to the corner store? Then you are just as stupid as the smoker. We are ALL making bad decisions, and we will all DIE if nobody cares.

That being said, you were right not to run the smoker's errands when she could have done it herself. Too bad Darwin didn't study when it is appropriate to interfere with the evolutionary process, hey?

Answer 3

you are truley missing the boat in more ways than one. When you try to help in those in situations in Africa the help should be to the children, who are not responsible for the dumb things their parents did. The woman at work is a different story. You help her or you don't thats up to you. But what you are really missing is when you show compassion for your fellowman, you will get more out of it than they will. People with the kind of attitude that you have wonder why bad things happen to them. Be careful what you put out in the universe it may come back. Good luck

Answer 4

Trying to define other people's problems is a no-win situation.

I once gave a rather obese friend of mine dieting and exercise advice when I noticed him struggling up a flight of stairs. He took it all in with a quite pleasant manner. Later on, I learned he had a thyroid condition that was responsible for his weight problem. To this day I wish I had just kept my f**kin' mouth shut and opened the door for him at the top of the stairs.

Africa is a completely different story. Africa isn't a poor backward continent. Africa is rich with gold, oil and other goodies. Only the people of Africa are poor. This is due to imperialism inflicted upon Africa by other nations -- especially the US.

Additionally, it is important to remember that the first footsteps of human life are etched in the volcanic ash in Africa. We can all trace our ancestors back to Africa.

Answer 5

I agree that in that case, people who wanted to help her were only obligating themselves not you. If she had been doing hard drugs at her desk, everyone would likely have gotten sick of her. Because cigarettes are legal, they seem to be blind to the reality.

I have relaitves hooked on druge, and I don't give them the time of day. I have no obligation to any adult for helping them maintain their lifestyle.

If they interrupt my work, I have even less obligation.

Answer 6

I thought at first that your inquiry was a good one and hit on issues that would provide some insight into the meaning of "helping" (e.g., when does it become "enabling"), but as I read on, I began to suspect that you were not looking for a new perspective as much as support for your already established opinion.

I'm afraid I have to draw the line. I can't be helping you if you are not willing to help yourself! :)

Answer 7

I don't think that you can accurately know, or describe anothers life situations unless you have been there yourself and know all the facts. But the word is compassion. Let the child suffer because of the parent? I don't agree with that at all.

Answer 8

Well we have the same thing going on in the US blacks having babies out of wedlock with no visible means of support and could give a damn less they just go to the govt. No they should not get help and forced to starve like the blacks in africa do but thats not going to happen.