I had a problem at one time with drinking when my daughters were growing up and I know at times I was not the best mother. I married very young and was from a disfunctional family myself. It's too long a story to go into here. To make it short my behavior cost me my marriage after they left for college. I have come a long way in the past 20 years as I have worked very hard to survive from it all. One of my cats died last week and I got the card from her telling me she forgives me the next day. I was already sad about my cat and her comments in the card brought up old wounds. She said she knew I was upset over the cat but she was tired of walking on tiptoes around me and sent it anyway. My daughters never visit me but once a year or I go visit them on Christmas. How do I continue to cope with this situation? I told her I was glad she forgived me but it just brought everything back....I suffer from depression too from the past and can't seem to move on.....help!
2007-03-07 05:56:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Not forgiving yourself is saying you're higher than God..cause even God forgives you and tells you to forgive others..we all make mistakes..some worse than others but still mistakes..you got to ask yourself what is more important a relationship with your daughters or your anger and guilt over something you can't undo and change?
2007-03-07 06:05:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a child who suffered the mistakes made by a parent. The healing process is a long one that they may never really get over. My father wasn't an alcoholic but he was abusive and the crap he put our family through is something that despite great effort i will never be able to let go of. He has my sympathy bcus he tried to help us now but lost my respect because he never saw the error in his ways and actually blames my mother to this day, he's never even said sorry. Continue to help yourself pity and regret doesn't change the situtation only makes you feel worse about something you can't change, in time you'll learn that you are only human and you make mistakes , some worse than others but it's okay to forgive them once you learn from them, don't expect that since you are improving that they will be automatically accepting, apologize for the past hurt tell them you were messed up and it's not to be excused, tell them you never stopped loving them you just couldn't love yourself the way you needed to, try to start a new relationship with them on their own time. This doesn't mean shower them with gifts but it does mean you have to earn your respect as a parent back by first being a friend. Your children love you, they always will and it's good that you realized that that kind of love isn't something you should just throw away. The road to recovery is a long one and it's going to take a lot of effort. you'll never have the years you lost back but you'll be able to start from today forward. good luck
2007-03-07 06:15:38 · answer #2 · answered by LoveLeighe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard and this is coming from some one who has also made mistakes. My children and I are very close. You can not move on until you have forgiven yourself. So my advice to you is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and just try to do better. It seems like you have turned your life around already. All you can do is tell your self that you have learned from your mistakes and that you are never going to do them again. If your child has come clean with you and has forgiven you. Then it is time that you do the same.
We all make mistakes. We should all learn from them. Be there to help your daughter if she ever needs it. Go and visit her as often as you can. It is time for you to put your best foot foreword and try to make a better relationship with her.
Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
2007-03-07 06:10:23 · answer #3 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
First of Congrads on the sobriety I know that it was not easy for you . Depression is a mental state of mind and nothing is going to work if you are not up to the advice that you are given .
In life we all make mistakes and sometimes others are hurt as a result of them . There is no need to punish yourself and I feel that is why you can not seem to heal . Have a sit down with your children and express to them your concerns and fears and take it from there .
Work on mending one day at a time .
C
2007-03-07 06:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Constance M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
* Tell her how ya feel , and that everyone deserves a second chance *
2007-03-07 06:02:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are all forgiven, all we have to do is ask.
http://joycemeyer.org/
2007-03-07 06:02:38 · answer #6 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋