Do you think this is funny? Give me a funny one back.?

Question

The Pope dies, and, uh, goes to Heaven, and Saint Peter greets him, as Saint Peter often does in these stories, and says, you know, "You've led a very holy life on Earth, and, uh, if there's anything you want here in Heaven, we'd be glad to accommodate you. We'd like to reward you for your faithful service on Earth. Is there anything we can do for you?" The Pope says, "Well," he says, "you know, I've never seen the original form of the Bible." Saint Peter says, "Okay, fine." He ushers him into a little room. There on the table is the original version of the Bible, and he leaves him alone in there to browse through it. After a few minutes, he hears the Pope exclaim. "Oh," he says, "Oh, my goodness," he says. "The word is *celebrate*!"

Answer 1

As you may remember Mother Teresa died only a few days after England's princess Diana was killed in that horrible automobile crash in Paris. Well, when Mother Teresa arrived in heaven she was given a very modest-sized halo and ushered through the pearly gates. Upon entering she shes that Princess Diana has, what appears to be, a much LARGER halo and Mother Teresa is understandably concerned. She finds St. Peter and asks him why the difference in size. "Now I understand that Diana did a lot for mine victims and worked to spread knowledge of AIDS but let's face it, I lived among the Indians in India for much of my life. I ate bad food, walked barefoot, and sacrificed ALL of life's creature comforts. Shouldn't I have a halo that is AT LEAST the same size of that of Diana?

St. Peter lowered his voice and turned Mother Teresa away from Diana and gently explained,

"Oh. You misunderstand. That's NOT a halo.....that's a steering wheel."

Answer 2

There are 2 brothers, one who is a devout Catholic, Carl, and the other is an athiest, Andy. Anyways, one day Carl is at his church and wins a trip for 2 to the Vatican to visit the Pope. So, he tells Andy that he wants him to go with him since he wants him to convert. Carl agrees to put no pressure on Andy while they're there though, so Andy can enjoy Italy. They arrive at the Vatican and are in the waiting room to see the Pope, when Andy takes out some peanuts and starts eating them, throwing the shells on the floor. Carl leans over and asks him what he is doing and quitely reminds him that he is being very disrespectful. He's throwing peanut shells on the Pope's waiting room floor! So Carl, not wanting to cause a scene, moves to the other side of the waiting room. A few minutes later, the Pope comes out of his room, goes over to Andy, says a few words, blesses him with The Sign of the Cross. The Pope then leaves the waiting room. Carl, who could barely even maintain his breathing upon seeing the Pope, runs over to Andy and says, "What did he say to you? What did he say to you?... I'm the devout Catholic and you're an athiest and he blesses YOU!!??" Andy answers, "He didn't bless me... He said (making The Sign of the Cross) 'You, pick the peanuts off the floor, get your friend, and get the hell outta here.'"

Answer 3

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and see this BIG African American guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The small man faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big fellow says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw a curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown? Thank God! I thought you said "Turn Around!"

Answer 4

A 12 year old boy accidentally discovers his mother having an affair while his father is away on a business trip. Not wanting to be seen, he decides to hide in the closet. A few minutes later his father returns home, and the mother says to her lover "Quick! hide in the closet!" So he hides in the closet.

"Boy, it's dark in here." the little boy says.
"Yeah..yeah, it's pretty dark." says the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?"
"No..I don't think so."
The boy persists. "It's my favorite glove. I've give it to ya for a thousand bucks."
"WHAT? I am NOT buying a glove for a thousand dollars!" the man says.
"My dad's right outside."
"Fine, fine, I'll buy the damn glove." So the man buys the glove.

The next week, the same thing happens and the man runs to the closet, only to find the little boy again.
"Boy, it's dark in here." the boy says.
"Uh..yeah, it's pretty dark."
"Want a baseball bat?"
"No..I don't want a baseball bat."
"It's my favorite bat. I'll give it to you for three thousand bucks."
"You've GOT to be kidding me! That's crazy!"
"My dad's right outside."
"Okay, okay, I'll buy the effing bat."

The next week the father asks the boy if he wants to play catch. When the boy says that he sold his glove and bat for four thousand dollars, the father shouts "I can't believe you did that! You're going to confession, mister!!" and he takes his son to the church.

When the boy sits in the booth, he says, "Boy, it's dark in here." and the priest goes, "Ohhh no, you're NOT pulling this sh*t again!"

Answer 5

lol! i get it and im only a mature 12 years old! haha!