I have a wonderful black friend, she is small and pretty. We tell eachother everything. My wife hate me talking to her. She says I should stay away from my friend.
Should I comfront my wife for being racist? My friend and I go off all the time, I invite my wife but she never wants to go.
My wife is a big woman and she just wants to sit on computer or watch tv.....she never leaves the house.
2007-03-07 05:45:41 · 36 answers · asked by larry t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like your wife is jelous of your relationship with your friend. If she's ever used racial slurs like the n-word or used stereotpes against your friend, then obviously, she's a racist whether she likes it or not. If she has not spoken like that, then she is simply just jelous. Sounds like you're in an unhappy marrriage, I would consider some conseling to help the marriage. It seems like you aren't sexually intrested in her because she's "bigger" now. Really, don't worry about your relatioship with your friend, work on your marraige please!
A.L.
2007-03-07 05:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by Angelus L 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's more of a matter of her not wanting you talking to another woman that bothers her more than the fact that she's black. She's probably mad that you're confiding in and hanging out with someone who is thin. If you ask her straight out if she's racist she'll probably say no. Besides, if you've been togeather for a while you should already know her feelings regarding other races, most people stop hiding things like that once they're secure with somone.
As for you being mad that she never wants to go out, is on the computer a lot and watching TV: Is it really a suprise for you? I mean if she was a big girl when you met her she probably stayed in a lot then and it certaintly couldn't have bothered you too much because you ended up living togeather.
2007-03-07 05:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by Kimberly P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that race is the issue. You have a relationship with a woman that your wife isn't comfortable with. She's feeling threatened by this woman because you enjoy your friend's company over hers. Plus, the other woman being small and attractive isn't helping. Even though you invite her to join you, her insecurity is keeping her at home.
You should talk to her, and perhaps consider couple's counseling or individual counseling for her. Although it's not really fair, you should back off with your friend a little until your wife comes around. If she's your friend, she'll understand and respect what you have to do.
2007-03-07 05:55:32 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a married man - you really have no business "going off all the time" with some other woman.
Just because the woman you are "going off" with is black - and your wife doesn't like her - does NOT make your wife a racist. Please - that's just silly. The fact that your wife wants you to stay away from her - has to do with the fact that she is YOUR WIFE - and you should not be "going off" with some other woman.
Probably the reason your wife doesn't want to "go off" with you and the small, pretty black woman - is because SHE DOESN'T LIKE THIS WOMAN. Why bring skin color into it?
I can tell you right now that if my live-in boyfriend was "going off" with some woman all the time - and I didn't like her - I would NOT be okay with it. I'm amazed that your wife even allows it to go on.
Also - the fact that you felt it necessary to mention the "body size" of both of these women - doesn't sit well with me.
It's unfortunate that your wife is big and just wants to watch TV. Is that who she was when you married her? If so - that's what you chose. If not - you DID marry her for better or worse - and it seems to me it's time for some counseling.
2007-03-07 05:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think race has one thing to do with it. I think it's more a case of an insecure larger woman feeling threatened by a smaller, prettier woman.
Your wife sounds depressed and in need of a supportive husband. And I firmly believe that a married man has no business telling a female friend everything. You are having an emotional affair and your wife is right to want you to cut off contact. You need to concentrate on your marriage and making your wife feel loved and special and let the friend go. Or the next question you'll be asking is how to find a good divorce lawyer.
2007-03-07 05:50:49 · answer #5 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Are you giving her a reason to be jealous? It may not be the fact that she's black, but that you are spending so much time with her. Are you attracted to this woman? Do you find yourself thinking of ways to spend more time w/her? Does she make you feel 'whole' or fulfilled? If so, then you probably are having what therapists call an 'emotional affair.' Be careful, dude, if this is what's happening, it won't be long before it turns physical. Assess the situation & ask yourself, "Is this friendship worth losing my marriage over?"
2007-03-07 06:01:54 · answer #6 · answered by mom-of-4 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're wife doesn't hate this woman because she's black. she hates her because you've latched on to her as a friend and she feels her marriage is threatened, with reason.
You mention twice that your wife is a big woman. Obviously this is importnat to you. You also mention that the other woman is small and pretty. Your wife probably isn't too happy that she's fat and she doesn't need her husband running around with a slim, pretty woman to remind her of that.
Stop seeing this woman until you get stuff straight with your wife ... that is if you want to get stuff straight with your wife. Sounds like you're about ready to bolt. If you want to stay married to your wife, stop hanging out with this other chick and see a counselor.
Unless you wife really does hate this woman because she's black.. then she really IS a racist.
2007-03-07 05:51:41 · answer #7 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
you could make a determination. at first, talk on your boyfriend. Ask him to pass with you to work out his mom. Then ask him to ask his mothers to stop disrespecting you, insulting you and treating you so in a various way from the different lady in her youngster's existence. IF he concurs and you are trying this mutually, then he's nicely worth combating for. IF whether, he won't do it, the determination you could make is - do you pick to stay in that style of ecosystem for the the remainder of your existence, with this lady making your existence depressing. you will get this out interior the open, you, her and your self having a sturdy previous speaking consultation. enable her say what she feels, and you what you experience. (i could advise you be as candy, helpful and intense-high quality as available without getting disillusioned). Then on the top of the communication if the female has no longer apologized and has no purpose of fixing her mindset in direction of you. turn to you boyfriend and tell him he has a option to make. If she argues the element and you will see it is ineffective. tell him that the two he helps YOU one hundred% or the engagement is off. by skill of his answer you would be attentive to the place you stand after which you will make a stand. it particularly is all as much as you. in case you submit with this therapy from her, it won't in any respect get extra perfect, you will continuously be depressing and harm round her and you will, interior the top, come to a determination that it is not nicely worth it to be her daughter in regulation. Make your determination, and stand employer, now and there's a robust danger that issues will replace.
2016-11-23 13:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by vasim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is not racist you idiot she's jealous. You and your wife need to have a good long chat about this issue. You need to tell her that you would rather do these things with her or at least with her and your friend but she always turns you down (she probably feels inferior next to your friend and therefore doesn't want to subject herself to comparison). You and your wife need to re-establish your connection and work on your relationship (this may mean that you need to pull back a little from your friend, hopefully this would only be temporary). Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-07 06:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like you need to confront her not about the racism, but the fact she doesn't go out with you, and b/4 I get hate mail the reason I say no the racism is because if she were white you'd probably have the same fight.
If you married her like this your beat, if she's become this and you want to save your marriage, you two need counseling, if that don't work, you'll need an atty.
2007-03-07 05:58:17 · answer #10 · answered by walker9842 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋