My boyfriend is 20 years older than me.....?

Question

I am 27 and he is 47. We been together for one year. We have been living together for 5 months. We love each other ever much and we have the same views on life, we are talking about getting married. Both our families gets along fine and excepts the situation. I'm not worried about him getting older and having sexual problems, that doesn't bother me. Here about the last month he has been acting so different, moods change so quick. One day he loves me to death and the next day he is fussing and fighting about everything. He says sometimes we fight too much and he needs his space to be by himself or to hang with his friends. Then other times he is wrapped up in me. It's crazy, I don't understand it. He told me the other day he is sorry, we will make it that it's him not me. I got to thinking he may be going through a mid-life crisis because of his age. Which is ok with me, I just need to know from anyone with experience could this be true and whether it is or not anyone

have any advice for me on what to do or how to help him cope or just to plain ole make things better. Please Help!! Also breaking up is not an option so please help.. give me true resolutions. Thanks.

TO MADEIT and all the other smart a** comments....breaking up is not an issue because I truly love him. It has nothing to do with money. We work at the same company and make the same amount of money, he doesn't have much life insurance nor does he have this enormous amount of 401K. I just love him inside and out. I am asking this question to try and work on our problem. You guys sound like the immature ones to me and have never experienced true love.

Answer 1

I think instead of fighting that you both need to communicate, have him tell you how he feels and listen to him and understand him and also you tell him how you feel and he needs to listen and understand. I think the problem lies with communication. I don't think it has anything to do with midlife crisis, I think that's just a easy excuse for behavior changes. I am 27 and my husband is 50. We have a wonderful loving relationship, but we have tons of communications. We tell each other anytime we have a problem about something we do, we need to tell the other person so they know because if they don't know, then they can't make things right. Both men and women are not mind readers. Like I said, my husband is 50 and has not gone through any midlife crisis stuff. Sometimes he gets upset because there are things that he would like to do and he can't anymore but we talk about it and get through it. And it makes our lives so much easier.

Answer 2

You say breaking up isn't an option? Consider the fact that you have both grown up in two different eras. You can't base a relationship strictly on love. His life experiences are far more advanced than yours and even though you may be blinded to it, his ideas of what a wife and husband are and how they act towards each other are probably different too. That's why relationships between two people of wide age differences doesn't work out too well. Think of it this way - how many men do you think expect to live to 94 yrs old? He is probably looking at his life as being more than half over where you are young enough to see a long and full life ahead. You don't think that there is a difference in both of your outlooks on life? It doesn't have as much to do with going through a mid-life crisis as it does the age difference. Most people at age 47 are getting set in their ways and don't compromise the same way as they did when they were younger - hence the fights and mood swings. You will find that having a boyfriend that is 47 will eventually amount to feeling like you are living with your dad and his mentality rather than someone with your attitudes and ideas if this relationship continues to grow.

Answer 3

I agree with the others that there are a lot of moving parts here and more information would be beneficial. However, one fixed rule you can hang your hat on is that you are entitled to a larger refund if you claim yourself as a dependent as opposed to if someone else claims you as a dependent. I assume your boyfriend probably earned more than your daughter, so that was probably the wisest decision and resulted in the largest amount being refunded into the family in absolute terms. From your daughter's stand point, I could see how she would like the money - but she would have definitely spent more than $900 throughout the year without his support, so it seems fair to me. If your boyfriend did not support your daughter, she needs to notify the IRS, so that they can refund her the full amount. However, I don't assume she would have given him her social security number if she didn't intend for him to file with it.

Answer 4

Breaking up is not an option. Why, nice fat wallet.

You're with a 47 year old that dates a 27 year old. He's silly to begin with and you can't expect him to behave like a MAN because if he was a MAN he wouldn't be banging you to begin with. Your families approving just goes to show you both that you were not taught how to behave very well in the first place.

Answer 5

I am married to a man 18 years older then me. We started dating 6 years ago and married now for 4 years I guess. You know at first I said age didn't matter. But guess what it does. When you are 40 (like me) and he is near 60 and tired, flabby, boring, with one foot in the grave...you will care. You will think back to this message and think to yourself "she was right why did I stay"?
I am not saying it cannot work...but think really hard about what you want in life...and if you don't know yet then don't settle...and please don't get married.
Everyone tends to want what they cannot have...and if I were single right now I may wish I were married. But life is so short...and this is not the days of Betty Crocker and the good housekeeper.

Answer 6

Some evidence of a mid-life crisis may be the dating of a woman 20 years younger than yourself.

Answer 7

i don't see where a 27 year old and 47 year old would have the "same views on life" or much in common, except for sex.

he's not going through a mid-life crisis, he's emotionally immature.

Answer 8

Atyour age, you have all the time in the world. If it doesn't work out then you just move on and you will still be young. In his case, he doesn't have that kinda time. Almost 50, he needs to be sure that you will "stick around". so he is more vulnerable than you.

Answer 9

i have never been in your shoes , but he might just be having a midlife crisis .if you love him the way you say you do then you could try asking him and if he works is work brothering him .you never know not trying to sound mean ,but my dad had something like that.just trying to help.

Answer 10

You may want to look into upgrade parts for your man in 20 years.