Is divorce the right move?

Question

I have been with my highschool sweetheart for a total of 14 years and I have been married for just under 3. I am starting to get the feeling that being so young we really didn't know what we wanted back then. It just seems that now we are just content of where we are. I also feel that maybe what i though what love was back then is not what i think it is now. Being older I think maybe i have learned and realized maybe this isn't truly an "in Love" state. We both get along great with each others families. and we have all the same friends since we have hung with the same crowd since high school.. That is just soooo much to give up and I cant imagine what people would say or think.... We haven't been physical in months. We just aren't as close as we use to be. We don't do things together. We are currently seeing counseling as well.. what should i do?

First off I am the guy, lol. We have no kids. Its hard to imagine my life without her , but I can imagine it. I just don't know if i want to try to save this.

Answer 1

find a good divorce lawyer

Answer 2

Yes, I think it is time. You have simply outgrown each other and you realize this. You have done all you can by trying counseling and have still been unable to connect. Do not feel that you have failed...if anything I think you have tried harder than most to make it work. But love comes freely....it's either there or it isn't. Don't give the rest of your life away to this relationship only because you are afraid of what people will think of you. Here is what they will be thinking:
You will have a few basket cases that think you are a "sinner" if you get divorced but know this: They are basing this on the bible, but the bible also says that the only man you should ever have sex with is your husband. How many of those hypocrites do you think married the first person they slept with??? Now....do you really care what they think?

Now for the rest of us folks....everybody knows somebody that got divorced. Sometimes its the couples who were high school sweethearts, sometimes its the couple that got drunk and ran off to Las Vegas. I have never judged any of my friends by their relationships....I like them no matter who they are married to. I do, however, have a problem with my friends who cheat on their spouses because I think that is mean and hurtful and I don't want to know about if they are doing that because it makes me feel like I am part of the conspiracy. It sounds like if you are not being physical with each other, then quite naturally, you will wind up being physical with someone else. Save the other person's dignity and get out now while you can still be on good terms with each other. My heart goes out to you, I know this must be a hard decision for you. Best of luck to you, dear.

Answer 3

The best thing to do first is drop the counseling becuase why pay to talk to someone when you can talk to each other. See what's causing the distance between you two and settle it. Talk about what brought you two together in the first place back in the day and maybe joke about it if it was cute or corny. Think about why you are together now, its been a while come on 14 years now? if your getting second thoughts its not because you dont love each other, its becuase something else is on your mind and making you think about your relationship. Just talk to each other and see what the best thing is for the two of you. You are both getting along great so whats really the problem?

Answer 4

Be honest with your husband and yourself. Many couples have experienced this and for the same reason, they didn't really know what love was. It could have been a more physical attraction than an emotional one. A physical attraction wears off in time where an emotional one rarely does. True love stays in the heart regardless of looks, declining health, or financial conditions. I can speak from experience due to two marriages giving me examples of both physical and emotional connection. The first one was at a young inexperienced age, the second was the real thing!!!!! I would still be living the dream with my second wife had it not been for cancer taking her. As far as what other people think, you cannot stay in a marriage that is not completely fulfilling for other people. You can't create feelings that just aren't there. It isn't fair to keep dragging your husband's heart through the mud if you don't have the capability to be the wife he deserves.

Answer 5

Well only you can know if it's right to stay with this person, but it sounds like maybe you are expecting to still have that same euphoric "lovey-dovey" feeling as back when you were highschool sweethearts and after 14 years of being together that's just not realistic. You say you don't do things together, have you tried initiating that? Marriage is work and you have to make it a priority and make time for your partner, to spend time with them. Also, what does you counselor think? At least with counseling it seems like you guys are trying to work on your problems. The counselor should be able to offer some insight as to what areas could be improved in your marriage. Best of luck!

Answer 6

There is a lot to be said for getting along. Up until I read, "we haven't been physical in months", I was wondering what was wrong. Is that the only problem? If you can work passed that through counseling and get back to being physical, maybe you can work this out?

Hang in there for now. If things don't seem to be moving in a positive direction, you have to make the decision. Maybe all you need is a good power tool. Hey, the grass isn't always greener!

Answer 7

Well Herman it sounds more like you had become the best friends and arn't "in love" more like you might have fallen out of love somewhere along the way. Take my parents for instance, they have been married for 33 years. Married when she was 19, he 25 and my mother has been over weight for the last like almost 8-10 years. I know they are not sexually active per say, information I could have lived another life without knowing But still love each other. They spent 7 years before my oldest sister was now have lots of grandkids. They don't bicker much and my dad is a workaholic to pay bills off and still finds time to spend with my mom. People grow together and grow apart but its ones decision if they feel the relationship is worth working through and for. If you feel you need her in your life so much find a way to rekindle your relationship by planning a love trip away on like a cruise or to Vegas. Spend time together, figure out if the relationship is you being afraid to have the security she brings you lost if you leave or if you are just afraid of being alone.

Answer 8

After that long, you will lose the "in love " state. Everyone in a relationship goes through this. I think you're just bored and want something new, I mean you've been with her since high school, same old same old. Try counseling, or some kind of marriage retreat. Spice things up a little.

Answer 9

Stay in counseling, If it's just the sex, and the closeness you guys should be able to work things out, keep in mind, it's OK to have different interests, sounds like you two just became unattached to each other.
My wife and I are newlyweds were going on 12 yrs. now, you have to do the following, keep it exciting in the bed, put each others feelings and wants ahead of your own, keep the romance sparked and yes it's different than sex.
Do spontaneous things together, remember when you were teenagers,

Answer 10

It's great to experience passion and go crazy in relationships and walk on the edge of a blade for a while... But I think ultimately the goal is to find someone we are compatible and comfortable with. It seems you have found just that, but you skipped the whole "getting crazy" part, and now it's eating at you. If you really feel the urge to experience all that relationships have to offer, you have no choice but to divorce and seek your thrills; it's better to do it sooner rather than later, neither you or your spouse are getting any younger. But be warned that when you seek great passion, you're setting yourself up for great disappointments.

Answer 11

It sounds like you have something special. The "in Love" thing is only a biological mating thing, it does not last forever. I honestly think you would have a hard time finding someone as compatible. Just try to find ways to spice things up somehow, and don't blow a good thing. Sadly we often never realize what we have until we loose it.