a friend of ours is gay,we know he is.but he keeps denying it.we know hes gay because even though he is forcing himself to date girls hes not happy and does not do anything,not even kiss them.
one of us seriously fancy him,and he allows to be kissed and always returns the kisses.but he claims he hates gays and hes not a queer(his own words).
should we back off and let him come round or should we make it our mission to be true to himself?we care about him and just want him to be happy.but hes not.
2007-03-07 05:21:12 · 7 answers · asked by auror_healer_seer 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
we are flatemates.the 4 of us live together.so sorry for any confusions.
2007-03-07 05:21:50 · update #1
what do you mean 'their'?
heck you think gays are aliens or something?EVERYONE is human.the same.there is no such thing as being different or normal.we are all the same.
2007-03-07 05:35:10 · update #2
hes gay because he(we will name him flatemate 3)is always kissing flatemate 1,well he allows flatemate 1 to kiss him and he never tells flatemate 1 to back off.
2007-03-07 05:37:27 · update #3
reading someones answe i(flatemate 2)is wondering how sex came in to it.we dont care what he does but as long as hes happy.as we stated,hes not.
2007-03-07 06:43:14 · update #4
Pushing him out of the closet could do some serious psychological harm. Leave him alone. He'll come out if/when he's ready, and not before.
Remember what happens when you 'help' a chick out of its egg!
2007-03-07 05:35:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes back off. These are very personal issues and it isn't for you to decide how he lives his life.
You might also consider some other possiblities. Has your friend ever been sexually abused? It happens to males you know and is devistating. If he has and has never had treatment, OMG! Also, he may not remember the abuse consciously! That can happen to people. You can get body memory and it is very confusing and frightening. He may have witnessed abuse that effected him as well. In fact any kind of abuse can cause problems with intemacy!
It could be as simple as being painfully shy. There are people like that. Some people are really scared they are going to be judged on their performance or have low self esteme when it comes to their body and sexuality. It can freeze a person right up.
Another point for you to consider is that there are people who have little or no sex drive. They are a-sexual. It can be treated with hormone therapy if the person even cares that much about it. Some people realy don't care about it others get depressed and scared. It in no way means that they are gay!
There are some many angles to sexuality that really your friend may eventually need to see a doctor for help. But you, in the mean time could really help him by not jumping to conclusions.
If he is gay or bi, this is something he will come to terms with and deal with in a way that works for him. People deserve space and time and respect for their feelings. Don't be so judgmental!
Oh and a note to John John...that is rediculous!You are joking right?
PS! telling other people could really hurt your friend. There are people that have committed suicide over things like this so shut up.
2007-03-07 13:35:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your frustration. It's really sad to watch somebody who is obviosuly gay try to be straight. I don't feel sorry for them. I have no respect for people who don't accept who they are. That's me though. I feel for those girls he is trying to persuade as well. Just keep him from getting married and having kids if you can. Because he's the type who sounds like he'll try whatever it takes to NOT be gay. He will end up hurting everybody, his girlfriend, wife, kids, etc, out of his insecure selfishness while sleeping with guys on the side. Look at Ted Haggerd and Mark Foley? How pathetic are they? I laugh at them. Ask him if he want's to be like one of those guys. Degenerates. You need to warn whoever he's with that you suspect he's gay. It's only fair to the girls he dates.
2007-03-07 13:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is in a really hellish place. How close are you guys?
Internalyzed homophobia often leads to depression, and slef-harming behaviors like drinking, and bad driving, etc.
On the other hand... there is a silent minority of people who are really sexless. They really don't like getting it on with anyone. No one talks much about them, but they are real. Has he ever expressed any horniess?
2007-03-07 13:34:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone. My Uncle is Gay (we think)...
He has invited me to go dancing with him at gay clubs...but that's the extent of him being open.(He's in his fifties and has NEVER dated a woman seriously) To each his own...It is not their OBLIGATION to come out to us.
2007-03-07 13:31:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is for him to accept who he is, you can only tell him that you think he is. Having told him your views - mission over.
2007-03-07 13:34:47 · answer #6 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he does tongue kisses,
then he's bi or gay.
2007-03-07 13:34:47 · answer #7 · answered by john john 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋