My friend has been married about a year and she always complains about them fighting as she cries on my shoulder. What should I do since she talks about divorce all the time?
2007-03-07 05:16:01 · 30 answers · asked by Crystal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are obviously a big influence to your friend, it is kind of you to help her through this difficult period.
My advice is based on an assumption that your friend and her husband are not abusive or using drugs, ect. but are having arguments typical of the first few years (i.e. money, household chores, jealousy, inlaws, etc.)
Here is a simple guideline for your friend: As long she and her husband say they love each other, NEVER threaten each other with divorce. The word divorce should never come up unless you mean to follow through. When you start threatening someone with divorce every time you hit a rough spot, it quickly rocks the very foundation and security that the relationship is built on. She must agree to disagree with her husband (which is basically what you are agreeing to when you get married), and then work on the issues as a couple. The first few years truly are the hardest until you find that middle ground that you both can live with. It's more than just the good times that bring a couple closer. It is getting through those tough times together as well and knowing that through thick or thin, that person will be by your side trying to work it out with you. I hope this advice is helpful to you as I am sure your poor little shoulder can only take so much...lol. Best of luck to you, dear.
2007-03-07 05:41:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find out if she loves the guy. Sometimes a friend can just want you to listen. The first year of marriage is very hard. If she really does want a divorce just let her know that you will be there for her.
2007-03-07 13:25:09 · answer #2 · answered by Chentelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
However long it takes her to find out whether her relationship is worth saving or not, If she is not happy no matter how long they have been married then she does not need to stick with it, If the fighting is already as bad as you say it is then it is only going to get worse from here on out.
She needs to talk to him about this as well, talking to you isn't really accomplishing anything. I'm not meaning that in a disrespectful way i know your her friend and she likes your support but she is married she needs to talk to her husband as well..that is if she really wants to save her marriage
2007-03-07 13:24:17 · answer #3 · answered by Kasja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, GREAT question.....but I really dont think it is any set amount of time. Anytime is a great time to divorce if all other avenues to try to save it has been dealt with. She needs to seat her husband down and talk to him, maybe even think about counseling,but if no one is willing to do that to save the marriage, then divorce is not to soon. Marriage is very hard and not an easy task.......Just make sure that what ever decision she makes that you will stand behind her 100%.....Good Luck!!
2007-03-07 13:28:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends- sometimes its obvious really early that you just made a really big mistake, and you know it but that is different than just giving up or not working through some problems because its too hard and you expected the honeymoon period to last forever, thats just naive and those people shouldnt be allowed to divorce in the first 5 years- that'll teach them to think about it next time.
2007-03-07 13:21:08 · answer #5 · answered by radiancia 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe they need to learn to talk one at a time and listen to each other. Before recommending a divorce suggest counseling. No one likes the thought of a failing at anything including marriage
2007-03-07 13:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by Eyes of Green 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first thing is do they talk about getting help with there relationship they had to had a cause of getting married and they need to find it again if there is no chance of them getting back together then i said do it and get it over with because the more you stay together the more you will get angry and you will not only dislike him you will start to hate this person so before it gets to that point i say seek help first and try to rekindle what u had when u got married and if not let it go
2007-03-07 13:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by Firstquarter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is the first year for them and they are getting to know each other right now while they live together. i will be married a year this month and i have gone through my struggles with my husband and like your friend i thought about divorce. now i can't stand to away from him, but im not around him like bees on honey, meaning i enjoy being married to him, i mean don't get me wrong he gets on my nerves. but not as bad as before. so tell your friend its just the first year and it is rough but it will all work out. plus god does not like people to divorce. sorry for getting spiritual. hope it all works out!!!
2007-03-07 13:22:40 · answer #8 · answered by TWEETY06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no specific time frame. If shes not happy, she needs to talk to her husband. If after that, they decide divorce is the best way to go then do it.
Tell her she needs to talk to him and if shes crying on your shoulder this much she must not be happy. Why be unhappy in a marrige? End it before something else worse happens.
2007-03-07 13:21:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to pull it toghter the first year of marriage is ALWAYS the hardest no matter what... If she loves this man which I assume she does since she married him, she needs to sit down with him and talk to him about how she is feeling and why and then they need to figure out how to deal with it.
Divorce is just a easy way out....
2007-03-07 13:19:12 · answer #10 · answered by Alexis221 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋