Why am I thinking about cheating? Help!?

Question

We've been married 15 years, two kids etc. We have always been honest, loving and supportive of eachother etc. Before we got married my wife was exciting, energetic, fun and sex was wonderful. For the last 12 years or so things have steadily declined. I do all kinds of things to keep it interesting but she has never done anyting to make it exciting. I spend a fortune on weekends, clothes, lingere for her, vacations and the sex is so ordinary. She never initiates sex. Never. I have to ask, beg, or spend a fortune and even then I feel terrible for "asking" and this may sound strange but I acutally feel very uncomfortable after sex now because I feel like like she is simply "servicing" me. I know this sounds ridiculous but I really want her to want me and she says she does but I just don't feel it at all. Basically she just lays there or I position her. She is never agressive, passionate, creative etc. So by accident I met another womam, nothing has happened but I am thinking.

Answer 1

I have read what everyone has told you with this problem of yours, now without me offending you some of them was true whether you know it or not. Sir in scale of 1-10,8% percent of men do only think about themselves,it doesn't matter if its their girlfriend or wife.
Now do you know that most women who gave birth, (including myself) finds themselves on a diff. view of life??We goes on this "postpartum" after birth,some will take months or even a year before this will heat us emotionally and mentally. The result of this makes some women fragile of their feelings, loose on sex drive, not because we don't see ourselves sexy nor pretty. It's a part that women goes to when ever we give birth, so try and look at it on her prospective. I know that most men have their needs privately, but at the same time if you love your wife, do sit and talk to her. She may not want to do that but its you who's stronger and your love will bring her to open up to you. Don't waste the years that the two of shared,because of some lust, if you go on this path,your life and your kids life will change a lot.
take my words for it because my husband of 22 years ruined mine and my 3 teen agers life 2 months ago. It was I that satisfy him in bed even he doesn't know how to please me in retutrn. I gave all that I have to love a man but he never paid attention to me as a woman, and finally I told him that it will be nice if he gives me attention and affection,after all we've been married for 22 years, thats when he commit adultery. So please don't go there for the sake of your love and family.............

Answer 2

First, don't let cheating be an option. It does not solve the problem you're having with your wife and you aren't prepared to deal with the fallout once you're found out. And don't think you won't be, you will. (No one ever meets a prospective mistress by "accident." Sorry, but I'm not buying that one. Maybe your situation has started you thinking in that direction; you haven't stopped being aware of other women since you married.)

Secondly, and I may get lot of flack for this, but have you considered the impact having children has had on your marriage? Maybe she's not feeling sexy. Maybe it's a health issue. Maybe all she wants is some quiet time with no demands on her. Also, you don't say anything about asking her what SHE wants. If she hasn't asked for lingerie, vacations, clothes or weekends, then all those things are to her are pressure to service you.

- Talk to her. Ask her how she sees your sex life and how she would like it to be. Don't interrupt her, LISTEN. Then, think about what she's told you.

- Ask her if she'd be willing to go to a marriage counselor. You also have to let her know that the thought of an affair has entered your mind, but the marriage is too valuable to you and you want to work things out.

- Make an appointment with her doctor to see if there's some medical issue affecting her libido.

Again, having an affair never solves anything. There's every possibility that an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease could result from your indiscretion. Your wife will find out, as will your kids. Do you want to explain to them why you cheated on their mom.

There are so many other ways to address this issue other than cheating. I'm sympathetic to you, but I don't think you've done enough- or taken the first step, which is to ask her how she feels.

Answer 3

You need to talk to her and maybe seek some sort of counceling. Definitely DO NOT CHEAT!!!!! It is not worth it in the long run. Think about all you would be giving up if your wife finds out. Another person wrote that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved. That is so true. You need to find out what has changed for her though. She has to be able to tell you what happened if things are going to get fixed. There is no way in this world you can fix something if you do not know what is wrong. Good luck

Answer 4

It sounds like you are trying all the right things. On her end of it, though, is she tired all the time? Overwhelmed? Does she have her hands full with kids, housework, job, etc? Or maybe she is harboring some kind of resentful feelings toward you or the marriage that you don't even know about, and that keeps her from being interested. Bottom line, you need to approach her with the subject and try to find out why she isn't interested in it anymore. You can't fix it until you know what the reason is.

Answer 5

I have been with my wife for 3 years but she was my high school sweetheart and we have been together for 14 total.. I have the same problem that you do. About 4 months I stopped initiating cus like you i got sick of asking... She certainly noticed this. Things have been on a decline since we got married... I just don't feel the same way anymore, I don't think she does either. I think she is just in denial. Now it has brought up all kinds of doubts that i have for her.. WE started counseling about a month ago... I think that it is more for her. I have also anther woman.. I however did take it to another level with her. It has helped me realize what i do not have at home.. I am not saying that cheating is the right move. I never in a million years thought i would do it.. I think you should Definately try to either resolve or end it with your wife first. Now i have feeling for two woman and its just not fair..

Answer 6

If you cheat you will be closing the door on your current relationship. Are you willing to risk everything for a moment of temporary satisfaction? Your wife may have her own issues with sex, don't make it all about you, it might be a problem that she's having. She may be depressed or she may not feel attractive, etc.

Have you tried sitting your wife down and having a serious discussion about it? Maybe you two should try looking into counseling or a sex therapist. Good luck!

Answer 7

It seems like your wife, is having some connection issues with you. Pehaps you should talk to her and tell exactly what is going on with you and that you feel unwanted by her. Or leave little notes for her so she knows youre thinking about her, she might like a little a chase, make it interesting. I stronlgy recommend this book by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson- What your mother never told you about s-e-x! this book provides knowledge in regards to personal care and many insightful techniques for the bedroom or wherever you choose to hook up at. it only cost - $14.95. w/o tax- maybe this will give her some help in initiating sex with you - she might be scared, so i would just buy the book and leave by her bedside with a robe and some flowers, maybe run her a bath and a little heart felt note-saying that youre here to help and listen, and work on this issue. CHEATING IS JUST UN-ACCEPTABLE AND WILL ONLY MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE, BE THANKFUL THAT SHE STILL SERVICES YOU, SHE OBVIOUSLY STILL CARES ABOUT YOUR SATISFACTION. MOST WIVES AFTER BEING MARRIED THAT LONG WON'T LET THEIR HUSBANDS TOUCH THEM, SO COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.. MAN

Answer 8

Talk to your wife and mention everything in your question except the part of meeting someone.

You may be right that your wife is merely servicing your needs and has lost interest in sex (many women do), but you need to communicate with her.

Rule of thumb - men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex. As you feel she has neglected your needs, emotionally you may have neglected hers.

Communicate with her and listen without judgment. Seek marriage counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 9

always remember sex is only 40% of a relationship. i guess it depends on how much you really love her aside from the sexual things. why cheat if your that unhappy divorce. cheatign will only cost you more money when she finds out. and also let the other woman kno ur married cause it isnt fair to make her a hoe without her knowledge

Answer 10

tell her how you are feeling. from what you said it sounds like yall might need counseling. maybe she has body issues that are hindrering your sex life. i think you need to try everything possible before going outside of your marriage. remeber the grass is not always greener on the other side!!!! if you try everything and she still is not trying to get better than i cant blame you for stepping out because i am a woman who will try a lot of different things to keep my man interested