my husband and I had a seperation period for about a year and a half. we recently got back together in the beginning of this year. Everything with him is different now since we got back. He communicates A LOT better with me, he is more affectionate and he is more family oriented. We have not came to the point where we are living with each other again but he comes to my house everyday to be together and the kids and I spend the weekends at his house.
Is this change for good? Or is it just something for the meantime so that he can come back home? It just all seems to be to good to be true. I dont know what to think or whether I should get my hopes up on this change. People tell me that maybe he has realized what he had lost and doesnt want that to happen again. Can you men give me your perspective of how you guys think? Thanks....
2007-03-07 04:40:49 · 29 answers · asked by Jacinda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry and I know some have asked...we were together 8 years. and it had nothing to do with drugs, abuse or infidelity. he lacked communication and I would always jump into an argument. basically i would get angry QUICKLY! I too have learned that if he is willing to change I need to put my part in as well....
2007-03-07 05:13:14 · update #1
It's easy. You left him, he woke up and realized the important things in his life(wife,kids) were gone.
He changed to get you back, he wants to make you happy, and is showing you that.
Will the change be permanent? Probably not all of it, but partially. He may slide back into doing certain things he used to do, but he will also appreciate you more than he did in the past and will continue to show his love for you more than he used to.
Unless he physically abused you, give the guy another shot.
2007-03-07 04:45:42 · answer #1 · answered by no1bucsfan26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a man, but I do know that Yes, they can change, and sounds like yours has. He has realized the value of your love and your children's love and he needs it and wants it badly. It's like a honeymoon phase and every thing is wonderful because everyone is so happy that you have rediscovered your love. In time he may begin to slip a little,with everyday problems, but, its up to you to refresh his memory. In his heart he loves you and the children and he is really trying, try not to dwell on the past, its a new day. You could make something like that the key words that you use with him, to remind him to keep the lines of communication open. So when you are together you could say,"Its a new day" and give him a hug. Good Luck, I really think that the two of you are going to be just fine. It's a tough world out here, your home is your safe haven. Fight the rest of the world together, don't fight each other, your in this together
2007-03-07 13:45:00 · answer #2 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say how long you've been together. Still, a man who's been in a relationship for an extended length of time will tend to feel his male ego begin to wane - seven year itch, middle age crisis. After being out in the field again, he must've seen how the times have changed and how different he may seem to appear to the world. This has an impact in the male ego where the brain starts to reason the pros and cons of his status. Sounds like he's realizing how good he has it with you. Let this go on awhile longer like a second time dating. Enjoy it, then resume what you already have.
2007-03-07 12:55:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no doubt anyone has the capability to change. It's hard to say whether his behavior is is real and honest or just a temporary act. Not knowing of the circumstances leading to your separation, if infidelity on his part was the cause, it is very hard to believe a person is capable of changing their attitude on being faithful when they saw nothing wrong with stepping outside their marriage once. You either have that strong value in your heart or you don't. If you can be tempted just one time then you are very weak to temptation and the chance will always be there to do it again. With a lifetime marriage there must be absolute trust and honor on both your parts or it will not succeed.
2007-03-07 12:52:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, of course a guy can change-I have changed a lot, in much the same way you're describing. He's not going to be perfect, but then neither are you the perfect wife/mom, either. I would be very glad to see he's trying, and give him the benefit of the doubt.
BTW, if you're not born again, you need to make that change yourself, as well as he. That will make the REAL difference in both your lives, and with your kids.
SEE:
Acts 17:30 and John Chapter 3, Along with Romans Chapter 10.
2007-03-07 12:48:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It certainly sounds like he is trying but I am wondering how long he can keep it up for. I hope he is really trying and that he has taken time to think about all the things he could lose but if it is a forced change then I doubt he can keep this up in the long term and the behaviours he had in the first place will slowly creep back. It is noticing these behaviours are coming back and dealing with them when they arise that will keep you together.
2007-03-07 12:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless he is addicted to drugs, abuses you or had an affair you are morally obligated to continue to try to work on your family and your marriage, for the sake of your children. Once you create children it becomes about what is best for THEM-not necessarily what is best for you or him. Is it best for them to have two loving and committed parents raising them or a broken home and the confusion they currently have? I think the answer to that is obvious. Let the father of your children come back home, get the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husband's" by Dr. Laura and YOU make the necessary changes in YOURSELF to make your marriage a success and give your kids a stable and secure home. Don't put it all on HIM. It takes two to make a relationship work and two to tear it down. My guess is you also made mistakes that lead up to the separation. As a woman you have the power to change the way your husband responds to you and behaves towards you so like I said unless you have abuse, affairs or addiction going on-work on yourself, let him come home to his kids and get your family back together.
2007-03-07 12:56:06 · answer #7 · answered by Kay 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes some people can change, just give it time and don't rush it right now you are basically dating and have your separate homes. things are always different when you live together because then you see that habits the other person has that they exhibit when you are at your separate homes. remember and ex was an ex for a reason.
2007-03-07 12:45:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, men can change. I should know...I did. I went through a rocky patch in my marriage that I almost lost my wife and basically I changed to make her more secure and our marriage has been completely different since then. It's great. She also has changed as well.
If both people truly love each other...then the change will happen permanently.
2007-03-07 12:48:57 · answer #9 · answered by goldenfir 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a person can truly change! probably the separation did help a lot, it did help him to be more mature and be more like a family oriented person than usual... Spare him, and give him the benefit of the doubt, he sure deserves it. A part of your doubt is understandable, maybe you did went through a lot from the time when you guys were still not separated... and you still find it hard to give your 100% trust on him... probably, a part of you is telling you not to lift your hopes too high to protect yourself from pain... but base on your story he really is a change man! Trust him one last time..
2007-03-07 12:55:42 · answer #10 · answered by *Pretty Pink* 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋