i have been married for 5 years i love my wife; however, i still have contact with my ex-fiance whom i've know for 12 yrs. Is this cheating?
2007-03-07 04:38:10 · 29 answers · asked by crush 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
only if your wife is unaware of this contact, is it inappropriate.
2007-03-07 04:55:44 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you asking because you feel guilty or because your wife said something about it. If your wife knows then maybe not but then again how do feel about it. I think you may have some guilt and that is why you are asking this here. If there is guilt, then you should probably stop having any sort of contact. Personally, I think it is not cheating but at the same time unless there are kids involved there is no reason to continue to stay in touch with her. You two did not get married you married someone else. There must be a reason for that. I have to ask how would you feel if it was your wife in this situation? For me the easiest way to figure out if there is potentially a problem is this. Ask yourself if this were your spouse in this situation how would you feel about it? If it would bother you then don't do it. That is not always a fool proof answer however. There are things that may bother one person and not the other.
2007-03-07 13:27:55 · answer #2 · answered by 00bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is aware and the contact is strictly platonic, then No it's not cheating. If you have to hide it from your wife, and you have anything sexual going on, or are emotionally attached (more than just friendship emotions), then Yes it is a form of cheating. And last if you wife doesn't know and it's platonic contact with nothing sexual or emotional that should be directed toward you wife only, it's not cheating, but you are lying to your wife. Which can damage a marriage as badly as if you were having an affair.
2007-03-07 13:15:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is wrong~ how would you like it if you found out that her ex fiance was contacting her and she was contacting him?? u need to make your choice. Hell, you should have made that choice 5 yrs ago when u married your wife! oh by the way ....why did you and your ex fiance break up?? there is a reason for everything and that reason is why you are with your wife and not the ex anymore ~
2007-03-07 12:59:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are keeping it a secret from your wife then yes....cheating does not have to be a physical affair, there are emotional affairs as well. and if you are keeping secrets from her about this and she finds out, she is going to believe that you are, just due to the fact that you are in contact with your x. If you value your wife any, you would not keep things from her. If your x values your marriage, she would be telling you not to contact her, or her contact you. Either way your wife is apt to be really mad about you being in contact with her anyway. I would suggest that you lose contact with the x, except for the occasional running into each other IN PUBLIC. You can just tell your friend that you think it best is you did not call or what ever ya'll are doing, because you value your relationship with your wife, and that you didn't think that she would understand. Or something along those lines.
2007-03-07 12:52:25 · answer #5 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there are 2 types orf "cheating"...physical and emotional! Sometimes they intertwine, sometimes they do not! I was married but kept in touch with my ex-fiance....but we stayed platonic friends...the man I was married to stayed friends with his ex-fiance and had an affair with her during our marriage...I am happily divorced!
If your wife does not know...then you are cheating on the emotional level. I say, if you truley love your wife, let the other woman go...you do not need each other any longer. If you find it impossible and still feel like you need to have this other woman, then leave your wife...it is not likely your wife will approve of your friendship...I can tell you for one thing...I wouldn't, I learned a very hard lesson on "trust" in my own situation!
2007-03-07 12:58:41 · answer #6 · answered by Karen G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically, no if there is no emotional feelings for this ex, but your wife might think differently if it is excessive contact or worse yet, she isn't aware of it. Honesty is the cornerstone of marriage. It is the basis of trust, love, commitment, and every other factor in a marriage. Put yourself in her shoes even though it's hard objectively to do so and ask yourself if she were doing the same thing would you feel hurt, betrayed, disrespected, or angry? If you love your wife you put her feelings before anyone elses'. The ex can find other friends to associate with(that's why they call them ex's). If you truly love your wife, cast aside your past and concentrate on your future with her.
2007-03-07 13:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have some legitimate reason to be conversing with your ex (ie discussing children) then you really have no business keeping contact with her and doing so is hurtful to your wife. It may not technically be cheating but it is hurtful and unless you want to end up in a divorce then the wisest thing to do would be to stop contacting the ex. Period, end of story. There is a reaosn she is your ex and a reason you married your wife. Show your wife the respect she deserves and knock it off.
2007-03-07 12:43:26 · answer #8 · answered by Kay 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely have to move on from the fiancee. Its really not fair to your wife. If there is no reason for you to make contact with her other then friendship why would you disrespect your wife in this way. imagine if your wife was contacting an old boyfriend. How would you feel. Think man Think
2007-03-07 12:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by Devdude 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, it is NOT cheating as long as you are not having any sort of relationship with your ex that is beyond friendship. Also, as long as you're not keeping your communication with your ex a secret, it's all good. I still keep in contact with my ex and we're strictly friends. We broke up with each other because we were more like friends than lovers and that friendship never died.
2007-03-07 12:43:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, no if the "CONTACT" is just coffee or talking..... other then that yes it is.... You need to inform your wife if she doesn't know and tell her that you two are friends and get together an talk about good times and what is going on in your lives.......invite your wife along....
But you do need to tell her before someone she knows sees you and tells her alil more then what is going on.....
2007-03-07 12:44:31 · answer #11 · answered by evil_fallen_angel41 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋