I had a miscarriage and lost our baby. I've passed the recommeded time suggested by my doctor and now I'm ready to try again. Is there anything I can do to make myself more appealing/attractive to him? I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me or that he looks at me differently now.
2007-03-07 04:36:45 · 17 answers · asked by Super Mom 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
It isn't you.
He is afraid... that it could happen again, that he could have caused the miscarriage. Keep in mind that you are not the only one that lost a child. He did as well. He has to go through the emotional grief just as you did and everyone grieves differently. You may be ready to try again, but he obviously isn't. Give him some time. Things will return to normal soon.
In the meantime, the only thing you can do is talk with him about it and reassure him. Whatever you do, Don't tell him he should be over it or be ready to try again because you are. It will make him feel even worse as though his feelings aren't justified.
Sorry for your loss and Good Luck!
2007-03-07 04:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its not you..this was a very hard time im sure for the both of you and hes probably not ready to jump right into trying again and fears of the same thing happening again. He may feel sad and depressed right now and is just not ready...there is nothing u can really do about this except give him his space and time to grieve and he will come around. Some guys even feel ashamed and feel like its there fault some how,this may or may not be the case for your husband...
I would try getting into something nice and making him a nice dinner or something and then go on to the love making,if he is not interested just brush it off and wait to try again some other time...Good luck and im sorry for your loss.
2007-03-07 04:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a miscarriage is devastating! I am sorry to hear the bad news. Maybe your husband is sad. Most of the time we hear about the woman who is depressed over the loss but men can take it just as hard. My advice is to talk to him. Find out what's bothering him. I don't think he is less attracted to you. I believe he fears that you will miscarry again. Reassure him by telling him how you feel about the situation. Let him know what's on your mind and don't rush him into things. He needs some time to heal as do you. Just because the doc told you it's okay doesn't mean you have to jump! All that pressure and emotional stress isn't going to help sustain the pregnancy so work it out with your husband by communicating with him. Relax! Take it slow! It may take some time but things will work out as long as your relationship with your husband is strong. Good luck and best wishes.
2007-03-07 04:45:16 · answer #3 · answered by CurlyLocks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine is in the same position, and she is having a REALLY hard time with it. Especially because she will be the last one to have a baby now, out of four of us, one had a boy on Halloween, the second was Jan 16th, and now I am due in September. The only condolance we have been able to give her is that maybe he hasn't really grieved yet. We know that many men have a hard time voicing their emotions. Losing a baby can be just as devestating for him as you. He may need to talk about it, or just give him more time to come to terms. Men tend to blame themselves for issues in the family, so he might blame himself. Just don't think that he will admit it to anyone. Just keep things "normal" don't push him, as it might make things worse. When the time is right, it will happen. Sorry for that line, I know it isn't what anyone that wants a child wants to hear, but it is true.
2007-03-07 05:41:10 · answer #4 · answered by The Hippy Momma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be scared to conceive again for fear of another miscarriage. Have you expressed your thoughts on this to him?? Sometimes it's better to go straight to the source rather than assume. I hope he's not one of these types that thinks "Well, she's been knocked up and now she's not pretty anymore." If that's how he feels, I say find someone that WILL consider you attractive, pregnancy or not.
2007-03-07 04:40:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not blame yourself dear. Your husband very likely is fighting an enternal battle that many men secretly face after such a circumstance. He most likely felt such pain and lose that he does not want to go through it again. Just comfort him. try to get him to talk to you and listen very carefully. Go to the docter with him so the docter can explain to him the chances of it happening again. encourage your husband to ask as many questions as he wants. and very importantly do not pressure your husband it will only make him more nervous. I hope that you are succesful and find the help you need.
2007-03-07 04:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by Giggles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried sitting down and talking to him. Perhaps, even though you are ready to try again, he may not be. You need to open up and talk, and if you can't do this together then I'd suggest you get some counseling. Even if he won't go, go by yourself. It could give you some insight that you might not have now. Good Luck.
2007-03-07 04:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Kathleen M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe, for now, don't try to have a baby. Don't talk about the "baby" aspect of. sex. Just try and reconnect with your husband, emotionally and sexually, as his wife. It'll will be good for you both in the interim period until he is ready to try again.
2007-03-07 04:44:51 · answer #8 · answered by LT Dan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not you,it's him.He maybe fearing the loss of another child.I was scared to touch my wife when we lost one to miscarriage.Talk to your husband abou any fears he maybe having.Loving and caring words from the woman he loves works wonders.Tell him about any fears you may be feeling as well.Tell him it's okay to be scared and that you love him and that you are in it together.My wife and I now have a playfull 4 year old girl.
2007-03-07 04:53:17 · answer #9 · answered by That Dude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk ot him clearly about the whole matter---after such an unfortunate incident, I think it's a more mental issue than physical which u both should work out in a sophisticated way.
2007-03-07 04:40:46 · answer #10 · answered by hymy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋