When you are leaving your (wife/husband) is it better to just clear your stuff out while they are at work? Or

Question

Here is my history:

Married 4 years, never really been all that married :( ... Lived seperate lives more or less... no intimacy, have gone long periods (as long as a year) without s#x.
She has totally become my roomate / sister / freind. While I do care for her I am not remotely in love with her... We have gone through about 25 counseling sessions with multiple counselours. We have tried to do daring things together BUT it is always forced and painful, no ebb no flow. She is in SEVERE denial, still thinking we can "work it out'... I wish I felt the same way. Just really depressed looking for some advice... Also she is in her mid - 30's and in wanting children and there is NO WAY in heck, that I would bring a child in to such a un-healthy relationship.

Answer 1

i would do it while shes gone, but i would tell her that i was leaving. NOT let her come home to the surprise.

Answer 2

Clear all your stuff out while she is at work, leave a note telling her you you fell then cut all ties with her don't contact her again. In four years you have been to 25 counselling sessions and you still don't want to be there. Grow some balls and move out.
I have been married 18 years and never been to 1 counselling session.

Answer 3

Well another counselor you don't need, If you two are adults talk to her about it. If you forsee problems move things out that she won't notice first, like stuff in your closet. important papers, what can be moved easy. Then when your ready to finish, taking out the things she will notice, move like the house is on fire, get the most important things out first, just like as if the house were on fire. This way if she finds out and gets freaky, calling the cops, etc. you have your valuable stuff out already, because if they get called you'll be fighting or every scrap. Take everything outta your name like utlities credit cards etc. this needs to be done the day you move, leave her a note telling her they will be shut off the next day.
AS soon as your outta there talk to an atty.

Answer 4

I would be open and honest with her. You should already have a place to move to after you tell her and you shouldn't stay another night in the house or she is not going to think that you are really leaving. I think after she sees you moving your things out she wouldn't be in denial anymore. Good Luck! I have an ex that wear his wedding band and I have been remarried five years

Answer 5

Okay, to avoid the crying drama, Yes when she is at work move all of your things out, but be on the front steps or in the front of you building house whatever and be man enough to tell her that it's time that you moved on. Tell her that you think it's for the best. then drive away. If you don't get your stuff out first then you might not get it the way you left it.

Answer 6

The best thing for you to do is to let her know in writing that it is over and let her know your intentions of leaving. Keep a copy of this letter so she wont try to get you for abandonment. Its a good idea to get out of this now so that it wont get worse. Kudos for not wanting to bring a child into an unhealthy relationship. Good luck.

Answer 7

well it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders anyway..........I wouldn't clear my stuff out while they were at work, unless she/he knew about it already. But you know your wife, you have to do what you think is best in this case, is she gonna freak out?

Answer 8

I moved my stuff out while he was at work and "forgot" to pick him up from work that day oooops lol

Answer 9

Good luck brother.