Out of the blue he told me to sign over my half of the house or he would divorce me. I said no. Then he said he loved me but was not in love with me and he didnt know if he wanted to be with me. I went to my parents that night. I found out later he went to stay with his lady friend that he works with. I also found out later that week that he had been doing drugs and lieing basically about everything in our entire marriage. He has been staying with his "friend" for a month and a half now. The divorce is almost final. My question is how do I get over the whole thing: him, knowing my entire life was a lie during the marriage, the trust issue, etc.
2007-03-07 04:02:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey I experienced the same thing a few years back. You thank God that you won't be spending any more years of your life in this farsehood. Read a book entitled "In the Meantime, Find the Love that You Want" by Iyanla VanZandt. It helps you to realize why bad things happen to good people, what part of the enabling we have in these type of relationships, and how to not repeat them to find healthier people in the future. Baggage is an awful thing to carry around, let those bags go sister.
Anytime I see my ex with a new girlfriend (ever 4 to 6 months he moves them in and out like clockwork), I thank the stars that I am no longer part of that cycle. I also pray for those women that they don't end up too scarred based on what I know. Good luck!!!
2007-03-07 04:09:34 · answer #1 · answered by Nutzzzzz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you! I really am.
He's a jerk I know it doesn't help but he's a real jerk. And the lady friend didn't help the already messed up jerk either. Try and look at it another way....people that are idiots deserve each other. Your not an idiot, he couldn't deal with that. Instead he needs to be with someone no better then him self. It's not about YOU. It's about him and his screw ball brain.
You will get over him because you are that stronger person. You may not feel it now but you will. These things just take time. Don't try and blame your self for the stupid lies he pulled. Don't try and dwell on the negative..And It might help to talk to a counselor. Just so you don't have trust issues with other men that come in to your life. Because not all men are JERKS, like that okay. Just don't let the fact that his lies had anything to do with you. Let him stay with the losers he just feels more comfortable around them for obvious reasons.
2007-03-07 12:18:53 · answer #2 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to say you never really get over it-but that may not be such a bad thing-I was married for 6 years I ythought we were happy we had a son and things unraveled. I found out he had an affair with some girl he met online. I was abroken mess. You find yourself going through so many emotions. The key is to let go of your anger towards him-It may take a while but it happens. Think about it isnt what hes doind pretty pathetic and you are a fabulous person who doesnt need to be a round a pathetic loser. I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around and even if it doesnt seem that way now one day his world will come crashing down-and guess what you wont really find satisfaction -he will such seem like a sad person. after all the person he is with will always have doubts in her mind about his fidelity-hes cheated once so you know how the saying goes....anyway-you will just learn slowly to take it one day at a time and you will never get over it but it will make you a better stronger person
2007-03-07 12:12:06 · answer #3 · answered by baseballlover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It should be easy since the whole thing was a sham to him! Everything you knew and loved about your marriage and about him was a lie. You should move on. I know it's hard to unlearn the love you felt, but just think of the pain he has caused you, how he took you for granted and how he deceived you this whole time. In time it will get easier. But for now, you just have to keep busy. You have to find a hobby. Maybe working out, it's great for you, get a pet so that you have a companion. Maybe take a class or so. The busier you are, the less time you'll have to think of him and the better you feel about yourself. Therapy is an option too, if you feel the stress is too much. Lastly, talk to friends and family who can provide moral support!
2007-03-07 12:11:08 · answer #4 · answered by lovin' life... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First i am sorry that this is happening to you, cause it is NOT easy, I went thru a very long relationship then a 5 yr marriage, with someone that ended up cheatin on me, then it makes you think how long ws this goin on?? Trust is very hard to come by, and once something like this happens to you, you will find it very hard to trust anyone for a long time, so just put in mind that NOT everyone is like him, cause there is Definatly someone out there that is perfect for you, cause it happen to me, and I am the most happiest now than I EVER been!! Just have faith, think positive, and stay true to yourself, and most of all dont throw yourself into the first guy that comes along, relize this is a time for you to get to know yourself, and taking care of yourself should b most important... Good Luck!!!
2007-03-07 12:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u could be writing my story. 10 years of being faithful, and it was all a lie, he only married me to get ahead, in the end he began to treat me badly, little did i know he was cheating and had been for over a year. basically it will be a while before u get over it, u will need to go through the grieving process, and help from others will help u through this. failing to go through it can cause harm later on with us emotionally. he used u and when he couldn't do that anymore he moved on. yes my ex began doing drugs, lying about everything, imagine to come home and find the local drug dealer sitting in your very own living room, and being admonished by your own husband when u protest about it.
2007-03-07 12:19:06 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change, sometimes for the worst. Sounds like he sure did. Dont jump into a relationship right away, give yourself time to heal. Keep busy.. maybe take a few classes, start a project at your house.
The whole trust thing is harder.. just remember that not every man is like him.
Good luck :)
2007-03-07 12:09:37 · answer #7 · answered by Christie G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well after the divorce is over find you some one to date and enjoy your life because it seem's like he is he sound's like one of the cheating jerk's
2007-03-07 12:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this is the best thing that cud ve happend to u in ur entire life.....u ve got urself rid of a big lier....
its like getting rid of Cancer by getting diagnosed well in time...otherwise it cud ve been fatal.....
atleast u dont ve to live wid him ur entire life now....
2007-03-07 12:14:55 · answer #9 · answered by understanding_bf 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there & I know how you feel, I agree with what "lovin' life..." said.
2007-03-07 12:13:50 · answer #10 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋