Can't women want space but still be committed?

Question

I mentioned recently that my bf of 18 months wanted to move in. We have discussed marriage as well, but I realized that our parenting styles of our children, along with financial goals, would be the end of our relationship. I really love him, enjoy being with him, talking to him, etc., but there are times when I also just love being by myself, with my kids, or hanging with my sister and girlfriends. My bf can't seem to "find himself" outside of our relationship, often wanting to spend 3 and 4 days a week at my place. Since I have determined we aren't going to live together, I think he should focus on his plans, goals, and friendships too. I still want to be his girl, but he really is freaked about my need for space for me and my kids at times. I find myself unattracted to him when he acts so needy. I can understand the "blow" that we aren't moving toward more permanency via marriage or living together, but he's 37 and I'm 34, we aren't kids. Can't people be committed but live apart?

Answer 1

Well, it seems that to him, your committment to the relationship in the present is not enough. He wants something you're not willing to give - a committment to being together in a more serious way, and, ultimately, marriage. There's nothing wrong with how you're handling the situation - keep doing what you're doing; set your boundaries, be clear about your position; honesty is the best policy. If he really wants being together more, or wishes to get married - he may have to choose to leave this relationship, and look for someone whos goals match his more closely. But it doesn't mean that you have to give into his demands out of guilt, or to please him. As you said it yourself - you are both adults; you'll figure it out.

Answer 2

I read only your question, not the details that came after it.

The answer to your initial question is yes. So long as the relationship remains monagamous and there is trust, giving space should not be an issue. I am female, and would want some space, even in a committed loving relationship. It is important to have ones own interests and activities in order to maintain ones identity. Losing identity in a relationship seems to be a problem for lots of people.

Answer 3

You are absolutely right and your bf has to mature himself! I am in that situation and I have no desire to get married to anyone. I was married for 15 years and have decided that I probably won't again. I enjoy my space, privacy and comforts. I also enjoy being with my bf but not 24/7. Good luck.

Answer 4

You have a life. He does not. It's that simple.

Answer 5

Yes you can.