I'm a 38 year old man. Several years ago I got divorced and I have two kids. Two years ago I remarried and thought everything would be fine. Now my second wife has really started pushing me to move back to the United States. At first I thought she was just trying to imagine what it would be like, but now she's absolutely miserable here and wants to move. I think the truth is that she's always wanted to move either to the U.S. or to another country and she saw me as the way to do it! The reason I say that is because she gets really angry when I talk about staying here, and she's really hard to live with. As long as she thinks I'm planning to move back with her, she's nice to me. I'm really feeling used at this point, not to mention the fact that I have two kids from my divorce who I'm lucky enough to have visitation rights with. I love my wife but if I leave Japan I'll never see my kids again! What in the hell should I do? Do I have to leave my second wife?!
2007-03-07 03:46:36 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A very rarely say this......but get a divorce.
Your current wife is just using you. Your children are the most important people now....they need their father.
2007-03-07 03:50:48 · answer #1 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would like to say that I am sorry for what your going through. Your between hard rock place right now, and you really need to put yourself together with this one. By the way are you in the military,that's why your in Japan??If so that will answer some of your question regarding your second wife. I know that you don't want to leave for the sake of your kids, but you must also do what's best for your new life.
It will not matter how far you go, your kids will always love you and they will not change their feelings. It will make them sad but having their mother with them will help you as well. And now your second wife is the big issue here, I can't judge her,but the way you say it,she wants to come here in the state and when you said no to her she become diff. person. For other people here, they will tell you that she's using you big time,but this is your life not theirs or mine. Follow your heart and look at it in diff. angle,....and ask yourself if making the right move will make your life easier. Do remember," when one door close, another one will open!"...................good luck!!
2007-03-07 12:20:52 · answer #2 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get some counseling. She is being way to selfish, the expense of seeing your kids, etc.
I would tell her that until your kids are old enough to decide if they want to move with you, your not going anywhere.
If you see them regularly, imagine when they only see you once a year.
My ex son in law just this morning flew my 7yo. grand daughter out to California, leaving the 5 and 3 yo. kids here.
As he could have got on a plane and seen all of the kids, and they see him once a yr. if their lucky. And it's not like he's not welcome, I still consider him a son, much to the displeasure of my daughter.
SO imagine your kids being clear in Japan. Do what you must but keep in mind regardless how small your kids are from about 3-4 yo. they do remember.
My ex put me through the ringer and my 16 and 17 yo. kids still remember thing s they saw and heard when they were young.
So my friend I hate to say it but your in a jam.
Hope this helps.
2007-03-07 12:02:29 · answer #3 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children should be your first priority. Tell your second wife that she married you KNOWING FULL WELL YOU HAVE CHILDREN, and they will always come before her. You don't have to leave her, but you are not OBLIGATED to her, you are, however, obligated to your children. Tell her that if it is that important to her to move out of the country then that is on her and she should go, but that your life is where you are. Tell her you will help her pack it up!!
So many men and women forget their obligations as a parent to the FIRST FAMILY as soon as they have married the next person, usually because that person is unwilling or unable to deal with the fact that the children from a previous marriage outranks them. I say screw the new wife, and be a parent that your children so desperately need and deserve.
Good luck.
2007-03-07 12:13:39 · answer #4 · answered by BrokenOpalAngel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you should have waited until you really knew your current wife before you decided to marry her. You are not even sure if she married you because of wanting to be a US citizen or not. Stay where your kids are. If she is willing to end the marriage just because of you not being able to move, then I would say she is not someone I would build a stable relationship with.
2007-03-07 12:01:58 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep. She is forcing your hand here. what a silly woman.......she will regret it.
If you have no intentions of moving you hopefully shared that with her before you married.
If she wants to go, you shouldn't stand in her way and you have to respect each others decisions.
This might be a life lesson about communication for you both. There should be "all cards laid on the table attitude" when you are going to marry.
Unfortunately you agree to disagree which isn't a bad thing, but should be dealt with.
She is unhappy there, wish her well and get on with your life.
You will pick up the pieces and hopefully will learn the lesson here and be more careful with your future relationships.
There is no other solution.. she wants to go.....she is miserable.... let her go......
2007-03-07 12:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does you 2nd wife really love you? Your kids are part of YOU. How old was she when you married? Did she know you had kids? Why do you think that once you moved, she will at last be happy? (sounds like a "Geographic" to me) My hero once said:" no matter where you go... There you are" You need your kids, they are part of you, and any reasonable, loving woman would accept you this way. Wives are great, but kids are BLOOD and you do have responsibility as their father, OK?
2007-03-07 12:01:16 · answer #7 · answered by jordan_smith@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stand by your kids.
This woman will never be happy kept up in a box and she obviously has a strong erge to leave and if she can't make it work just for the reason you do have kids than she isn't in love with you.she just wants to manipulate her. The kids come first at all reasons and angles.
I say send the woman home to the states and get a divorce.
(twice married, twice divorced myself)
2007-03-07 11:50:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is does she have to leave you, bc it sounds like her mine is made, so you have to make a decision do you love her enough to go to the states with her, or do you love living in Japan so much that you willing to end your marriage. The choice is yours, but maybe you should try to compromise, if not you might end up in a divorce. relationships take 100% on each of your parts.
2007-03-07 11:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by Chrissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife married you as a way to get to America, I would leave her, stay in Japan so you can be with your children, and hope you find a new love.
2007-03-07 11:52:43 · answer #10 · answered by Tony S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel that she's using you, there might be some truth to it because you alone are able to tell the signs. many women dream of living abroad (and men, too) and because of their hopes for a better life in a better place, they look for opportunities to make these dreams come true. if you feel that your second wife has this plan on her mind, tell her nicely that you want to stay in japan to be able to continue seeing your children. if she throws a fit, then you were right all along. you're just a ticket to making her dreams of living abroad come true.
2007-03-07 11:57:49 · answer #11 · answered by sheilanmanny12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋