I dated my now husband for 6 years before we were married. About a year before we tied the knot I cheated on him twice with one of his good guy friends. It wasn't just sex, but an emotion relationship that lasted the better part of a year, as well. It was one of those stupid situations you get yourself in when the real boyfriend is too busy for you, and the "other guy" is exciting and very dangerous. Eh. Years later I'm still plaugued by guilt because I never told hubby, and because I still have a "crush" on this man. He lives on the other side of the country now, so there is no danger of cheating again...but how do I get over him? I have a family now! Do all women find one other guy they always just crush on.....? Help!
2007-03-07 03:32:11 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very stick situation. I personally would not tell my husband about something that happened before we got married. If you still love your husband, and you have a family why ruin it?
2007-03-07 03:39:18 · answer #1 · answered by Primdiva 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
What a pickle you have yourself in. To be honest though, you telling your husband will only take the pressure off of you and since you are the one that created this mess (not trying to be mean) then why would you want to hurt your husband by telling him. I think if you care to keep your marriage then stop all forms of communication with the crush so you can concentrate on your marriage. Now if you believe that you may have a lot more feelings for the crush then your hubby and you know you love him, then you should tell your husband that you have feelings for someone else (you don't need to go into the details of years ago) and let him loose. Us crazy ladies get ourself into these messes all the time, but looking at the whole picture and what is important to you is what will help you get out of it. Good Luck to you and again I hope my answer does not come across rude, I am just an honest person.
2007-03-07 11:41:47 · answer #2 · answered by Ladybug 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is normal to feel guilty for not have revealed the truth to ur hubby. but i dont think it is right to harbour a crush on the other guy even after getting married to ur bf. try to foget the past. everyone makes mistakes. it is natural to make mistakes . but i feel that u still harbouring feelings for that other guy is not something right. if u still have a relationship with that guy it is not a mistake, but a planned wrong action. remember, u have a family now. ur husband loves you. how would he react to this? have u ever thought abt that? just foregt the past. u neednt tell ur husband anything, at least not now. u never know how he may take it. some things are better left unsaid. it will be for ur family's benefit, not to tell him the truth. at the same time, plz dont think abt doing the same mistake again. u went to him when ur bf was really busy. now he is not. he is ur husband and u cerainly top his priority list. i think it should be the same with u. let ur decision come from ur head and not ur heart.all the best to u.
2007-03-07 11:43:10 · answer #3 · answered by lilac4u 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Actually, not all women do what you did. Women don't get into situations like that unless they wanted to. Stop making excuses and realize that you would cheat on your husband with that man and the only thing stopping you is the fact that he's on the other side of the country. Your crush is simply lust. Either work things out sexually with your husband or leave. What you are doing is wrong in so many ways. Thank you and may GOD help you.
2007-03-07 11:41:45 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to let your guilt go. You knew it was wrong and you should move on. Don't get yourself down or worry about petty crushes. It doesn't seem like the guy had too much respect for you or his friend either to start a situation with you. Men and women tend to think with their crotches, but we also have brain's to let us know what really is going down.
2007-03-07 11:50:59 · answer #5 · answered by themoodyspacecadet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i know all to well about this...before i got married i cheated on my husband with me ex...we were together for about 2 1/2 years before my husband. i was still into him because he was a family friend and we also did share alot of friends...so there really was no being away from him. well the cheating at first was just escaping and kisses nothing serious because i really didn't want to bring myself further then what i was already...even though the temptation was killing me. After i married my husband was crazy with work and so there was little time for me...i felt like a roommate instead of a wife...so i found my comfort in my ex again. at this point it got sexual....i got everything i wasn't getting from my husband from my ex. til this day i still think of him and everything we've been through and i think of having him again too. i don't think its fair but its true. i don't know if many other people think this way but I'm just letting you know your not the only one Hun.
2007-03-07 11:47:48 · answer #6 · answered by Mother 2 N Angel 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't tell your husband to free your guilt. You will only hurt him. Believe me I found out my husband cheated over a year ago and I still struggle with it. You should feel guilty, but you should forgive yourself and concentrate on your family. We do all have crushes, we just don't all act on them. Crushes are part of life, cheating is not!
2007-03-07 11:38:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you did before you married doesn't matter. Its what you do after you're married that counts. Its ok to keep crushing on this other guy but don't let it consume you. You have a husband and a family so concentrate on them. And NO, don't ever tell your husband the truth.
2007-03-07 11:38:42 · answer #8 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First you say it was one of those stupid situations you got yourself into, then you try and justify it by saying your boyfriend was too busy for you and that this guy was exciting and dangerous! So which is it? A stupid mistake? Or something you get excited about every time you think about it? When you can answer that honestly, then I will answer your question.
2007-03-07 11:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The real question here is with friends like him who needs enemies? Go ahead tell hubby he deserves to know how you lack respect for him and he really needs to know what a wonderful friend he has in the guy........
2007-03-07 11:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by M B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋