I have misplaced my trust in very untrustworthy people in past.
2007-03-07 03:28:28 · 13 answers · asked by Lady M 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What a refreshingly mature question! You are aware that your past is damaging your ability to trust your guy and you are trying to get over it and approach this relationship in a healthy manner. Congratulations to you. I wish more people were so insightful and willing to question themselves.
The answer is to work toward neither being too trusting, as you were in the past, nor not trusting enough, as you now recognize yourself to be. The key is not to try to ignore your past, but to learn realistic lessons from it that you can carry into your new relationship. Perhaps you were blindly trusting; if so, keep your eyes wide open this time. Perhaps you put your trust in men who did not deserve it; look at the characteristics they possessed and compare them to your new guy's characteristics. Perhaps you gave those men permission to put themselves into tempting situations; don't make the same mistake again. Whatever it was that you did wrong before, apply what you learned in the present. When you consistently behave in a realistic way regarding trust issues, you'll have a happier, more stable relationship.
2007-03-07 03:44:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this case trust is a sub category of love. Love is a choice and must be proactive to survive. Don't wait for him to meet your standards of trustworthiness-give it to him. The past is the past-get over it. Be who you are today! The question you should ask him is-What are my dreams? and, How are you going to make them come true? If he can answer those-his heart is in the right place, and although he might abuse your trust sometimes-that is just life and we all make mistakes. Don't be afraid to openly discuss the subject with him either. As a man-I can honestly say the thing the that bugs me about women-is they love talk but not communicate and they hold things in too much. Be open and honest immediately. I hope you have a wonderful marriage and life-be blessed.
2007-03-07 03:43:48 · answer #2 · answered by desperado59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Michelle, I am with you on this one. I am having the same problem. I have been in two really bad relationships and I have been hurt so many times that I just don't trust anybody. However, I met this really great guy 6 months ago and I feel like I can trust him but there is still that guard that I keep up and I am trying real hard to let it down but I am just so scared of getting hurt again.
I guess we are either just going to have to continue to be cautious for awhile or just let it all go and have a little faith. No easy answers on this one but if you figure it out-please let me know.
2007-03-07 03:33:45 · answer #3 · answered by Olivia 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a big thing. The fact that you decided to marry someone you don't fully trust is not a good thing. First you trust then you marry. This relationship already is in trouble beacause of this. I think you need to slow down, perhaps postpone the wedding. You can't just up and trust someone, there is no formula for it, no store to go and buy it at...it is just something that comes with time.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, LOVE...TRUE LOVE, HONEST LOVE, AND RIGHTEOUS LOVE SHOULD POSSESS NO DOUBTS, AND NO INSECURITIES. I have learned to follow this in every relationship, whether it is friendship or love.
2007-03-07 03:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by BrokenOpalAngel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT get married until you get your "trust issues" resolved. Get counseling if you need to. The two of you should go to pre-marital counseling anyway.
The fact of the matter is, NO human being is 100% trust-worthy. Only GOD can fill that qualification. People will ALWAYS let you down eventually whether they do it intentionally or not, because we are only human after all... (I'm betting you've even betrayed someone else's trust at some point in your life.)
2007-03-07 03:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey Michelle,
Trust is ULTRA-IMPORTANT in any relationship--especially
marriage. Trust is earned, you can't buy it at ANY price! To
earn his trust (and him yours), you must be open, honest, and
truthful. You must have deep respect for each other, and the kind
of love that can be forgiving and supportive.
If you can't muster up those qualities, you'd better back off, and
really take a hard look at this marriage.
2007-03-07 03:42:33 · answer #6 · answered by SlownEasy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HONESTY and COMMUNICATION. every relationship is supposed to be based on honesty. Trust is the fruit of that honesty. if you are not honest with him now you never will. The same applies to him. if you dont communicate your feelings and fears to him and him to you then your and his trust is misplaced.
2007-03-07 03:37:26 · answer #7 · answered by aksphd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a two way street, if you expect him always to be honest with you then you have to be forgiving and nonjudgemental with whatever they tell you. I know people that go into a rage anytime their partner confides in them, but somehow expect their partner to be open and honest.
2007-03-07 03:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You both have to be trustworthy....that means no lying about anything.....ever. All cards are always on the table.
Then you just have to jump in and hope for the best....there are no guarantees.
2007-03-07 03:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may just be me, but I would think Trust would come WAY before even thinking about Marriage...If you don't trust him then dump him.
2007-03-07 03:33:52 · answer #10 · answered by nalla 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋