My bf and I have been living together for almost 2 years. At the biggining everything was perfect he was always with me. We already have a 5 month baby. The problem started not too long ago, but I don't know what to do. He spends most of the time with his cousins, they always need him for everything. The days he don't work he gets out of the house to go with them since 8 or 9 am. I feel really bad and I get so angry but don't know what to do. I've already talked to him and told him I felt like he didn't want to be with us. He saud he loved me and that how could I be thinking that. But he hasn't change, he's always out of the house, I know he is at his cousins house but I feel bad he is not with us. My baby and I never go out any place we're always home. I really need advise from u women. Please help me. What should I do. Sometimes I feel like telling him to leave us alone and to go live with his cousins since he loves to be with them, but I love him and I know my baby needs him too.
2007-03-07 03:25:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
Let him know clearly what your expectations are for him as a father and husband (even though you're not married he clearly is in this role).
When you decided to have a baby, he is in it as much as you are.
I think he probably does need some "fun" time with his cousins, I wouldn't expect hime to give them up, but maybe less time with them, a little more with you. But you also need to find something for yourself. A little time for just you, and at the very least, do some fun activities outside the home with the baby, like a mommy and me class or even just shopping.
Good luck!
2007-03-07 03:30:41 · answer #1 · answered by christine_ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that he doesn't want to be with you and the baby. He wants to be out having fun the same way he always did before the little bundle came along. You want to have fun too, but don't have the opportunity he does because he's not going to stay home with the baby 24/7 so you can be out all the time. What the two of you are going through is completely normal. What you have to do is tell him how you feel in a way he will understand it, and then set some boundaries. You are no longer bf and gf, you are Mom and Dad. What you do is work out a schedule. He has a day committed just to his friends, you get a day for the same (you time without the munchkin) and the two of you should have one day set aside for just the 3 of you. My bf and I used to only see each other on the weekends because of work scheds, so we worked it out that sunday was for family and we rotated saturdays for awhile. Make it clear to him that you would not have a problem if he made sure to spend good quality time with you and the baby on a regular basis. Good luck!
2007-03-07 11:41:09 · answer #2 · answered by Trish 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you and the baby need to get out. Tell him that you want to come along when he goes to his cousins' house. Also take walks with your baby when the weather is not nasty out. Go to the park or a nearby shop. You should not be sitting home when he is gone. You also need to set up times when it is his turn to stay with the baby during the day while you go out alone and shop or visit friends. You and your partner need to sit down and have a serious talk about this. Tell him how you feel and that in order to make this relationship work things need to change.
2007-03-07 11:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does love you it sounds like. Here's the deal, he enjoys spending time with his cousins, a lot of time from your description. You two have been living together for 2 years and he has gotten comfortable living with you-meaning he is comfortable with the thought that he loves you and you love him and he knows that at the end of the day, wherever he goes or whatever he does, you'll be the woman who still loves him and isn't going anywhere. What you need to do it tell him you miss him and you want to spend more time with him. Tell him you don't feel like you see him much anymore and you wish you could spend some more time with him. Don't tell him he can't go to his cousins anymore, just tell him you wish he would spend more of his time with you.
2007-03-07 11:34:34 · answer #4 · answered by dardarzene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you understand that he likes to hang out with his cousins but he has a baby at home and a girl that loves him and he is just letting it slip away from him. The baby definatly needs him to be a dad and he needs to grow up and take care of the responsibilities that he has sitting at home instead of taking of everyday. I know you may love him but you are going to have to be a bit harder on him when you talk to him. Ask him what he wants. Is it a life with you and your baby or is it life with his cousins? Make sure that you make it clear that you are not asking him to quit going over there all together but you are just asking him to spend more time with the family he has at home.
2007-03-07 11:33:44 · answer #5 · answered by hearnrj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he doesn't want the responsibilities of being a father which is rather sad. He says he loves you but doesn't show it in his actions. I would strongly suggest going & seeing a counselor before the situation gets any worse. You need a full time parent to help raise your child. You both need to sit down with each other & reevaluate your relationship because it is clearly not working out for you & how you feel will affect your child.
2007-03-08 10:58:21 · answer #6 · answered by Fraulein 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have to take into consideration that having a child is a huge responsibility and some men don't know "how to" be a father. women have motherly instincts - naturally. men have to learn how to be a father. there is a lot of pressure on him now and leaving may be a way for him to escape. now, he has you and the baby to support both financially and emotionally. try not to pressure him. plan some activities for the three of you and see if he would like to participate. plan some activities for just the two of you - weekly "dates" and find a sitter. keep the lines of communication open, make sure he knows what you need and how you feel and make sure you know what he needs and how he feels - ask - remember not to be confrontational.
2007-03-07 11:33:50 · answer #7 · answered by wenlan_m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sry bout that, but talk to him again and let him know that this will b the last talk u gonna have with him about him not spending time with u and the baby, let him know how ur feeling and WHAT MAKES U THINK THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO BE W.U AND THE BABY, and that u want some changes, u want him to take the responsability and take care of u and his kid and be there more often...good luck hope things get better for u guys.
2007-03-07 11:29:59 · answer #8 · answered by Just_Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not a lady, but I think that you should try going out some by yourself. Ask him to watch the child for a night and try heading out with the girls. its only fair that you get to go out too. even if you arent looking to head out more often, let him see what you are going through by dedicating a night a week to yourself. even if the girls are busy, head to the salon or something. treat yourself every once in a while. he may just be nervous about losing his individuality because of the baby and stuff. dont get mad at him, just show him what you are going through by trying it yourself. you shouldnt be locked up in the house all the time. get out
2007-03-07 11:30:32 · answer #9 · answered by YouKnowImRight 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing :(
Tell him how you feel, that's how you'll get him to understand how you truly feel. Otherwise show him how you feel. Let him know that yes, you do have a family to take care of. He's been with his cousins all his early years, it's time to take care of his responsibilities.
2007-03-07 11:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by NuMaMa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋