My wife doesn't want sex after miscarriage. Is this normal and when will it pass?

Question

My wife had a miscarriage about a month ago and has no desire for sex. Is this normal and when does sex drive return? I show my affection in other ways, I brush her hair and scratch her back but I really miss making love to her.

Plus, I know she really wants another baby, but that won't happen until we can have intercourse.

Answer 1

All these answers are on target- but I would like to add something....

You say she lost her baby about a month ago. Doctors typically tell the patient to not have sex for at least SIX WEEKS. She may still be bleeding (in addition to all the emotional scars attached to this) and be at risk for infection or injury.

Also..please keep in mind..that it takes a womans body a while to figure out that it is not pregnant anymore. I was convinced for weeks after I hemorraged that there was still a chance that that baby was there...my breasts were sore...some women produce milk....its hard to grieve..when your doctor is telling you one thing and your body, mind, heart and soul are telling you something else.

It is normal...and as long as you are loving and supportive eventually she will want to make love again.

In the meantime-get her some counseling..a minister, the hospital chaplain, some literature, a therapist, a support group or a friend who has been thru this and who will talk to her about it. Every woman handles this differently.

Also..try to find out (if you don't know already) what happened to the remains of the child. It may ease her pain to know where her baby is. At the hospital I was at they cremate the unborn children and have a ceremony at a local rose garden where they scatter the remains into the mulch to help the roses grow.

It is not common knowledge..but they do send you a certificate afterwards...with their sympathy and letting you know that the ceremony had taken place.

There is a book called "Empty Arms" Empty Arms: Coping After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death (Paperback)
by Sherokee Isle (Author), Arlene Appelbaum (Editor) "If your baby has died, it is natural for you to be unprepared, in shock and to feel a wide range of emotions from disbelief..." if you look on http://www.amazon.com/Empty-Arms-Coping-Miscarriage-Stillbirth/dp/0960945660 they have it used for 4.00.

I never read it...but many women I know did and it helped them. When she is done with her copy...have her write something encouraging in it..and pass it on to the next woman she hears of that needs it.

Please..also..watch out for changes in her personality that may signal depression. The pregnancy may be over..but the dreams she held for that child..and for you as a family...will live forever.

Let her know...that you are hurting too..and that you are worried about her...and that you love her.

Answer 2

Infertility is a problem that a lot of women face everyday. You are not alone and the good news is that you can solve this problem.

If you have problems to get pregnant you can check this method http://get-pregnant.keysolve.net

It is a great method that helps to solve naturally infertility problems and it has already been tested by a lot of people with great results.
I definitely reccomend it and i'm sure that will help you! Anyway don't stress over it, stress can make it harder to get pregnant for most women.
Just remember that ovulating occurs about two weeks before your period, if you have a regular cycle. There are also some things you can do to help determine whether you are close to, ovulating, or not close.
Online there are sites that will tell you the best tips to get pregnant faster.

You can get pregnant in less than a month when trying this http://get-pregnant.keysolve.net

You can also determine when you're ovulating with an ovulating prediction kit, you can buy them at most stores and they are found with the pregnancy tests. You can also buy a basal body temperature thermometer.
There have been many women to succeed with those types of methods. Did you know that it can take up to a year for most couples to conceive a baby, even when they have sex everyday for a year? It's actually normal. Conception isn't quite as easy as people make it out to be. Don't stress because it will happen for you.

Answer 3

When I had my miscarriage I didn't want to have sex for a while afterwards even though I still wanted to have a baby. It takes a while for women to get over the lose of the baby even if it is only a few weeks along (I was only 7 weeks). A lot of women blame themselves when they have a miscarriage even though they know it isn't their fault. Talk to her about what you both are feeling and that you miss making love to her. But don't expect her to want to jump right into bed with you. It will take some time but she will come around soon enought.

Answer 4

I guess you;ll have to be patient... A miscarriage is a really hard thing for a woman. You must be there for her and let her know, that you will wait untill she feels ready again to have sex. I can;t tell you how long this will take coz i don't have any idea. Just be there for her, love her as much as you can, understand her and in any case don't talk to her about this like it's a complain you have from her.
It will take a while because she missed a part of herself and this is really hard to let it go...

Answer 5

I myself have had a miscarriage before and let me tell you, it is not the happiest time for a woman to go through. Especially when we are excited to be pregnant and then it all gets taken away from us. We think we did something wrong when our body just saw it as a foreign body and discarded it. Plain and simple. But after having a DNC which I am sure she did you shouldn't have intercourse for at least five weeks. She may not feel pain when you penetrate, but her body is very sensitive on the inside and could possibly damage what is healing. It is very important to just be there with her and comfort her the way you are. She will come around eventually. It is good to use some type of protection for at least three to four months before trying to get pregnant again. Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

AWw i am so sorry for your loss.
This is a Completely NORMAL reaction..
She needs time.. Her hormones may still be outa wack.. she may not have a sex drive yet. She may say she wants another baby.. BUT she is still probably grieving the one she lost.. even if it was a early M/C .. woman become attached very quickly.. i mean stick turns pink QUICK. Also she may have PPD.. Is she acting different in any other way besides the sex desire? If so maybe she needs to talk to a counselor.. Also have u sat down and talked with her about this? or is she just ignoring your advances? If so talking is good.. just don't bring it up after she shrugs u off.. talking in the A.M. is better.. you sound like a Good Husband.. Talk to her.. Give her Time.. Support her and eventually all will be OK.

Answer 7

There is no time limit as to when her urge will come back. She may still be grieving, she may be scared of sex hurting, she may associate sex with the painof miscarraige or it could be that she still has a blaze of hormones buzzing around and just doesn't want to. You're doing the right thing by giving her affection but just don't try to move it on just yet. When she's ready she will let you know.

Answer 8

I think it's normal, but she may need some help to get past the feelings she has about the miscarriage. You can help her by really listening to what she's feeling and sharing your own feelings. Having a good cry together could lead the two of you in a good direction...

Answer 9

I had a miscarriage over 10 years ago, and it still saddens me. She is going thru a point of mourning right now. Just give her some time and she'll be fine. It sounds like you're doing a great job being there for her. I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

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