I'm staying in my marriage because I have a 7year old child.?

Question

My husband and I have been together for about 14 years. Married for 5years. we have a 7 year old child. Here's my problem, He refuses to let me work,he refuses to help pay for a sitter, he refuses to help in any way and He doesnt leave me any money for anything!! He complains about money, but wont let me work. He's there for his family anytime they need him but In mexican cultures the wife stays home. When we meet I worked and I had a baby so I stayed home to raise him. Know I want to go back to work and He is been a ---- about it. I feel so incomplete. Ive tried working and He plays these mind games. I dont know what I should do? Please can anyone help??

Answer 1

This is America, not Mexico you can do what you what. This is the land of opportunity and if you what to make something of yourself then do it. If you don't you will re-get it. You need to think. What if something was to happen to your husband, or your husband left you for other women. You need to think about what if. You will never know. I take my hat off to you, because you choose your child happiness over yours, and you are giving your child a stable home with his mom and dad. Most women will leave. My hats off to you. But here's the thing, your child is 7yrs old, your child is in school full time. You don't need a baby sitter. You need to go to school your self, Go and get a trade. You can get a loan, maybe. If not then go to work for it. Have the same hours your child doe's.It's going to take you longer, but so what your going in the right direction . And most schools today have after school programs. I know my 7yr old is in one. I peek him up after I get off work.Don't coward out to your husband. You tell him straight blank your going to school or work and you don't have to worry about a baby sitter because I'll be going the hours our child is in school. And don't worry about his Mexican culture, forget it. And don't use that as a excuse. You need to focus on what you need to do. You know what to do, your just scared to do it.And you all ready know about his mind games and you all ready know he is going to play them. You need to learn how to close your mind to his ways and his put downs when it comes to you about working or school. You really have to what it. Some years ago I was in the same saturation, kind of. He wasn't Mexican. But I had to quilt a good job because my husband jealously and I went to school too and I all most quilt, he made it so hard for me, and I was raising 5kids. But anyway I stood focus and I finished school and sometimes I just wanted to throw the towel away, I wanted to give up, but I knew I couldn't. I finished too. He never liked it.And we only had one car. And maybe twice or one time a month he would give in, in let me use it or pick me up. 99% of the time I had to take the bus. 3 buses to get there and 3 buses to get home. He try-ed to break me, but I stood focus on what I had to do. But if I didn't where would I be today? And guess what where separated. He was cheated the hole time. Am not telling you to go against your husband as his wife but he has no right to tell you, you can't do nothing. You tell him as long as it not enter fair with the child . You need to do it for you, like I said if you don't you will regret it. You will be a old lady and never did nothing for you. Just put your mind to it.

Answer 2

Please don't stay in a marriage just because of your child. You aren't doing him any favors, believe me. He's old enough to see & hear what's going on between your husband & you. You want to create a secure home & life for your child & if you have to get a divorce, then do it. Your husband either has an ego problem or is he's very controlling. I seem to think it's the latter. Don't ever let a man take away your independence. Some men feel threatened when a woman wants to have her own independence, but having it is a good thing. Your husband keeps a tight hold on the money & won't give you any, which is reason enough to get a job. Maybe you could find a part time job at your son's school, perhaps in the cafeteria or in the office. That way, you'd be home when your son is home. If no openings at a school, try applying for a job at a nearby hospital. ( dietary dept., laundry, housekeeping, clercial dept., if you have that training) Tell your husband that you wouldn't have to work if he'd give you some money once in a while. Try putting some money away once you get a job but keep it to yourself. You'll need it if you decide to divorce your husband. Be strong & stand on your own two feet. You can do it!!!!

Answer 3

First, you should stop asking his permission. You had parents and they don't tell you what to do anymore. Now that you have realized you are an adult, get your butt out there and work. He doesn't give you any money? I wouldn't put up with that at all. Mexican culture or not, I will not allow anyone tell me I can't do something. The fact that you have a child should give you enough sense to leave that unhealthy situation. You are not doing your child any good by him seeing his mother being controlled and treated like an animal. If you truely want to change your situation, you will need to leave it first. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 4

Wow, he won't let you work... you know that funny when we move other town and she want me to umm be stay home dad with 2 kids and I told her no I want to work and that way we have the extra money to help and fun things and she agree. and I am glad I work and We pay extra for Day care and no plm at all we have extra money.

I think that that bs about Mecican cultures things change now and this is american land and freedom and so I think that if you able to get the better job to support you and your son and If your family can help you too and that would be great.. If not then You can get Welfare for while they can help you for day care for you if you not making enough money for it... so and get food stamps and all the things you can do...

So think abou tit and find out more information and the more information you get the better chance you can leave him and take care of yoursefl and your son and You husband will have to to pay Child Support since he refuse to let you work... The thing is that he don't trust you working thinking that maybe he think you might cheat on him... Which I don't believe you will, you seem very trusted and careing, great mom, and great woman. So don't let him put you down or threat you... Talk to your family see they can help you too...

I do wish you best of luck...I hope this information can help you smiling..

Answer 5

I can relate with the culture aspect of your situation.
Except you have been with your husband a long time. I'd can't really suggest a solution for you because the obviouse one is one you have thought of your self and are not ready for. (leaving)
Cause in a relationship like yours and mine. You know it wont be easy. If your husband is like mine then he is capable of making your life hell. And possibly making you feel and appear like the bad guy. It sucks. So i want to wish you the best of luck i know how you feel and if you ever get out of this controlling realationship and are able to move on i know you will not fall for the same.

Answer 6

He can't prevent you from working unless you allow him to prevent you. YOU are giving him this power over you, and you can take away that power. The only thing you stated that is keeping you from going against his wishes is that he plays "mind games". So what? Now you know his trick. Forewarned is forearmed. Be ready for his tricks and sidestep them, avoid them, and refuse to play along. Be prepared to stick it out too -- he may try to sabotage your job for quite awhile. In the meantime, after you have begun to receive pay, buy him small gifts, even if it's just a 6-pack of beer or a new shirt. When you give him these small gifts, say, "I bought this for you with the money I made working." After awhile, his attitude should begin to change.

Answer 7

Look in the mirror and check to see if you have a back bone...if you do then start using it! You are responisble for your future and goals not him, and if he does not like your choices then he does not support you...and if he does not support you then it is his problem not yours. Start making your own choices! If you are staying in the marriage due to your child then you have been gone a long time ago sweetie and your child has been the one suffering.... if you have family then move out and live with them for a while until you can find a job and a place of your own. Good Luck to you!

Answer 8

Just because you have a child, is not a reason to stay within a marriage. It really isnt anything positive that will come of it. Your child will see thru it. As for your desire to work, stop thinking/talking about it and simply DO IT. He will come to appreciate the extra $$$. You're his mate, not a slave to his wishes only.

Answer 9

My mom once told me to never marry a "mexican" man. why? For the reasons that you listed above they are like that. If you feel strongly about this and that you would really like to go to work you should!! He should support you in anything and he isnt. He probably doesnt want you to because it will ruin his "im the man" ego. Try talking to him about it and tell im and make it clear that you would really like this and that you dont deserve to be treated in such a manner. If you have tried to talk about it and he doesnt care to listen to you then....then you shouldnt be with that man at all. He should be able to support you in anything and be understanding of your needs as well. If he doesnt he isnt the right kind of man to be with.

Answer 10

Hmm, feels like a problematic concern you're in. i think of what you relatively need to look at is the destiny. in case you do come to a selection to circulate in with him, will you have the means to be happy understanding which you do no longer in user-friendly terms like the section (considering the fact which you suggested the locals are problematic to handle) and you maximum possibly won't get to artwork the profession, you worked very puzzling for? in case you already know you have a number of those discerning concepts that is not superb to circulate in with him, that is going to in user-friendly terms worsen. in case you're keen to sacrifice your profession and your happiness to maintain your loved ones jointly than gain this. yet you in addition to mght informed him that when your education you would be with him, so which you're giving him fake hopes. i might advise looking a clean region thoroughly the place you the two can locate jobs, and you the two can stay in one section. attempt a great suburb, the place you are able to artwork in the city, and he can artwork in surrounding cities.