Has anyone had similar emotional feelings after a miscarriage?

Question

I had a miscarriage and subsequent D & C after 10 weeks of pregnancy. Since that time I feel very sad, like a complete failure as a woman, wife, and mom to my 1 year old. I have negative thoughts about my uterus, I feel like it's a polluted, barren wasteland. I'm upset with myself because I feel my body failed me and my child. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist so that probably plays into this as well.

To some degree I'm taking it out on my husband, being withdrawn and not wanting to talk to him. He's a very loving person and deserves more than what I can offer right now (affection and another child). I'm hating myself for having waited this long to try for a second baby (I'm 38) and recently started feeling like leaving my husband so that he can marry someone younger (he's 33) and have more children with someone else. When will these feelings pass?

Answer 1

I have only answered a few questions on this web site but I feel I should answer yours-
feeling sad is very normal-- I miscarried after 8 weeks- and I am sad too- how can you not be- Its ok to be sad- you lost something that you were so happy about- but 1 out of 3 people miscarry- after telling some of my friends about what happened to me I was suprised to hear that all of that miscarried too. I am going to be 37 but I don't feel that 38 is old- infact I don't want to get preg now for a while- the miscarriage kind of put things into perspective and I am scard to do it again- I am also a mother already to a 1/2 year old- so I feel that if I am not ready for another year or so that I get to just enjoy the time with my daughter until then- I did not really talk to my husband much about what I was feeling cause I did not want him to know I was not a "rock" but I should have talked to him- The way I kind started to get over what happened was to occupy my self with something else- so I started to paint the living room and work on the house- things I could not have done while If I was still preg-
Please don't think of your husband wanting someone younger becuase of this- he loves you and must be sad too- you need to support each other and try again- but my doctor said to wait for two periods to get your system back in order-
Just remember its ok to be sad- but its a common accurance to miscarry- talk to your husband or do something to take your mind off of it- good luck

Answer 2

Don't feel like that, and don't leave your husband. It is just the situation that is making you feel like that. You wouldn't want to go through with that and then when you are feeling better realise it was the biggest mistake you have made. He is with you because he loves you and what he needs right now is his wife. You need to try to talk things through with him. He is grieving too, you need to talk so that you know how each other are feeling and so that you can support each other, and talk about how you can try to move on, even grieve together. And don't think he blames you because he most likely does not. And you shouldn't blame yourself either. Miscarriages are very common and they are usually not caused by anything you have or have not done. I know that doesn't help loads and you will always be searching for a reason that this happened, but really , there probably isn't one at all.
Maybe you can talk to your doctor who can give you advice on where you can go to speak to someone or people who have been through the same thing.
You are not a failure, you have a one year old son who is no doubt very healthy and a husband who loves you. You act as if you are ancient compared to him! There is a small 5 year gap, that is nothing. I can't say when these feelings will go or if they will at all but they will calm down a little. You just need to speak to your husband about how you are both feeling and get everything out in the open. I hope you feel better soon x

Answer 3

I know exactly how you are feeling as I had 5 miscarriages before I finally conceived and carried my baby daughter to term. I think one of the issues is that you need to mourn your loss. When you have a miscarriage, even an early one, you are grieving the loss of the child you were expecting to have. Take time for yourself. Also, most miscarriages are private and therefore you don't get the support from others that you would get with any other type of loss. Even when people do know about it, they often tend to say the wrong thing, such as "you can still try again", or "it wasn't really a baby yet" or other mindless things. This only makes you feel worse, not better. Let yourself grieve and don't beat yourself up. I still feel sad over my losses which were many years ago, but with time, you will feel less sad than you do now. Don't start trying again for another child until you are emotionally ready.

Answer 4

Since you already have 1 healthy child it is not a problem with your uterus. I had 3 miscarriages before finally having my son 2 1/2 years ago, and, yes, it is devestating, but you cannot blame yourself. You might need to talk to your doctor about depression. I also lost a baby girl last aug at 21 weeks and I went on Zoloft because I could not pull myself up out of my depression. These are normal feelings, but please get help.

Answer 5

I miscarried one or 2 days wanting 8 weeks and it particularly is extremely painful the two in the process the miscarriage and emotionally after. you will sense responsible, its generic. You did no longer do something incorrect. Flush it, there grew to become into no heartbeat yet it hurts considering the fact which you have been imagining who it may grow to be. you will nevertheless in all probability have being pregnant indicators for a jointly as after miscarrying, its generic and it kinda makes it extra painful. in case you like somebody to talk to easily digital mail me. i understand what its like, I miscarried October and that i've got ultimately moved on yet i think of the actuality that i think like i may be pregnant back enables..

Answer 6

You are grieving for your baby! You have a right to all your emotions! You need to nuture yourself and those around you need to be supportive.

It might be helpful to join a group for women who have experienced pregnancy loss, whether it's online or in real life. You need to be able to talk to others who can share your grief.

Sometimes the ppl around us, even w/ the best of intentions, disregard miscarriage. They try to downplay it as if it will make us feel better. What does make us feel better in the long run is being able to grieve as long as we need to and to have our emotions seen as valid.

Answer 7

ITs the hardest thing a women had to go threw sometimes they pass over time and other times you put them aside but you will move on.I had my first miscarrage years ago never been able to get pg since always wanted so i will be trying fility drugs in a few months but my doctor says you know you have ahigh chance for miscarring i know but i have to sit and try even though i am scared i can have them over and over but i just gotta take one day at a time you need to take one day at a time and ask for gods help it was horriable but after a while youll be be ok hang in there i still have them everyday but i try not to think about it because it wasent your fault

Answer 8

You may want to talk to someone professional.