A question for you ladies. How long would you stay with a man before you just give up on marriage and start all over again in a new relationship, and hope marriage comes from that. The situation is I have been with my boyfriend going on 3 ½ years we have a 2 month old. He is an amazing father and an amazing boyfriend. Provides for both of us. We live together as a family. But everytime I bring up marriage he gets cold feet. He never had a relationship with his mother or father basically raised himself and his sister’s his mother passed away a month ago that was the first time I had ever seen him cry in the 3 ½ years we been together.. And he seems so distant at times due to what has been done to him in the past with other woman ex girlfriends cheating..saying they were pregnant and weren’t or pregnant had a abortion behind his back. He does not say to me I’m never going to marry you, but he says why ask me when im going to marry you don’t you want it to be a surpise I get down one knee with a beautiful ring and ask for you to spend the rest of you life with me. when he proposes don’t I want a nice wedding and plan one. I have no idea what to think if he is just stringing me along and 3 or 4 years from now its still the same boyfriend and girlfriend with our child being a family or should I just forget this relationship and move on and try to find someone that is ready for marriage. Its been 3 ½ years is that enough time to know that you are going to get married. As for our child no question there he is an amazing father no on will ever take his place in her life.
2007-03-07 02:39:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why is this just for the ladies? I think as a guy since he's got a kid already and he wants to raise the baby, he'll come around. Be patient with your amazing man.
2007-03-07 02:47:33 · answer #1 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being married is not what keeps people together. If he is a good man and father, devoted to you and your child, shows respect for you and himself...you're a lucky girl! Why not try to avoid the subject for a long time...at least six months...if you mention marriage during that time the clock starts over...and tell him that at the end of the six months it will be his job to say something...as long as it is honest. Don't require a yes/no or black/white answer...most of life is rather grey and foggy.
2007-03-07 11:27:54 · answer #2 · answered by Torrejon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Vicki, all of us here can and will tell you diff, kinds of input about your situation, but realistically follow your heart. Do you love this man that's been there since the day one? Are you feeling insecure because of your baby,as you mentioned your man is been good to you and you all child, I think you are very lucky because his one woman man. Ask yourself,how many men out there who's living with their girlfriend and supporting them. There are some that will get married and after a year or so,it will end up in a divorce.
For now,try to be content and just be happy because your life is perfect right now, a baby and a man that loves you. People will trade place for you because of what you have. Love him as much as you can,and you'll see that one day,your dream will be fulfill..................be happy for both of them....
2007-03-07 11:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should end things with him just because he won't marry you. I'm sure in time he will, yes it has been 31/2 years but I've know people who propose after 5-6 years. Also, you need to take into consideration his past and make him feel comfortable, let him know you love him and that you are sorry about his past but let him know the past is the past and you are his future now and that you two are going to be together till the end. Reassure him don't pressure him. Good Luck
2007-03-07 10:53:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has the kind of past you describe it's no wonder he has cold feet. He probably wants to be very sure before he makes a life long commitment. Only you can answer your question. Is he worth waiting for? Are you just desperate to get married? It sounds like he loves you and you love him, love is the only reason to get married. Don't rush off to marry someone that you don't love just so you can say your married.
2007-03-07 10:47:49 · answer #5 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MAYBE HE IS SAVING FOR A RING!!!!! Sounds like he is thinking of marriage. You just had a baby. Most women don't want to be married right after having a baby anyways. We want our bodies back first. He also sound like he loves you. Be patient. It is really hard for a guy to get enough courage to even ask the big question. I think you should wait it out. You have a good thing here!!!
GOOD LUCK!
2007-03-07 12:20:13 · answer #6 · answered by momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok girlie, same thing here but it's been 5 years and we have a 4 year old! Look this year is the first he has ever brought up marriage, seriously so leave the subject alone awhile and if it's ever brought up don't get all excited, just smile and see if that works.
2007-03-07 11:08:14 · answer #7 · answered by momma whitley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three years would have been my limit. I would have wanted someone on the track to marriage and having children after marriage. However, by living with him, he has no need or want to get married. Regain your independence, move out, keep dating him if you want, and see what happens. Otherwise, you'll stay with him, have more kids, and just get resentful over him not marrying you. Don't compound the mistakes you have already made.
2007-03-07 13:57:26 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has been through a lot he is just afraid, Im not sure if you are religious, but my husband had a lot of insecurities he went through the same thing except he did not have his parents because his mother was in prison for killing his father when he was 14 months old, he resented a lot of people and once he was hurt and angry it was hard for him to forgive people so he held on to all that stuff people did to him, his ex girlfriend from a few years ago, cheated on him she was his high school sweatheart, he went out of town came home and found out she was sleeping around she was also pregnant and did not know who the father was so he claims her child and she disrespected him and put him through hell. When we engaged in a relationship I did not think it would work because of all his insecurities, but I brought him to my pastor and he spoke with him, and things started to change in his life. Maybe he needs to sit with someone and vent all his problems so he can think clearly and stop runnigng away from his real problems.
2007-03-07 11:14:54 · answer #9 · answered by mrs matti 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many couples that never get married. However, it's BOTH their choices. Just be honest with him and tell him your life plans include marriage and you would prefer it to be with him. Also, it sounds like he may need some pre-marital counseling, because he may think things will change too much after wards.
Just be patient, kind, and let him know your true feelings without being nagging or condescending or demanding.
Best of luck to you!
2007-03-07 10:46:47 · answer #10 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋