I married for the wrong reason, could it still work out?

Question

My family is very unstable (sexual abuse, emotional neglect, lack of communication, constantly walking on eggshells, lack of nurturing & guidance, and on and on) I eventually became sick, I was emotionally broken. My goal was to finish collage, get a job, get in to therapy, heal, be independent for a while and then get into a relationship. But it didnt work out this way, my illness was so severe I could barely study, I didnt have much opportunities, my country makes it imposible for a girl with no collage degree to survive (worst if sick also). During collage I went to an internship here in the US, I met a very nice guy, I was attracted to him because of this, but because of cultural & life experience differences we didnt have much in common, he liked me very much but I explained him my situation, I was not ready for any type of commitment, but things became very bad at home, I needed to get out, I marry him cause if I didnt I wouldnt be able to work or study in this country.

He knew I didnt love him when I married him

I didnt marry to become a citzen of the US, I did it exclusively to get out of my home and for survival

Thanks for the encouragement!

Answer 1

yes it can
many people learn to love their husbands....
i am sure if you pick out his good features and stuff it will help

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 2

Sorry to hear you married for the wrong reasons. All this abuse your living isn't good at all. Why would you want a marriage to work out when all these awful things are going on? I guess the best advice I can give is get out when you can. No one should live this way! Your health is what is important not being married. There should be lots of help in your town to get away from where you live. Is there a woman's shelter you can go to? With your health not being good there must be some place you can call for disability. Check out what I have suggested and have some kind of decent life without living in fear every day. Cocoa

Answer 3

Ask yourself is your life better now than it was before? If the answer is yes then at least you have something to work with. If the problem is you do not love him, then you have a moral obligation to tell him you made a mistake and married him without loving him. You have an obligation to be honest with him as to why you committed yourself in marriage with him. If the problem is that he doesn't love you then he has an obligation to do the same and you can encourage him to have that discussion with you. As long as there are no children involved at this point I see no reason why the two of you need to stay married and risk creating little human beings who will ultimately one day be greatly affected by your lack of committment to one another. Get out of the marriage before you get pregnant, chalk this up as a learning experience and move on with your life here in America. There are many opportunities here for you and you have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Marriage can work between any two people can work....IF...those two people have decided that they want it to work. Marriage is hard. It's the hardest relationship you'll ever have....and the most rewarding. Treat each other as you want to be treated...do nice things for him and try to make his home as nice as you can, and he'll reciprocate. Get a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" or "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

I think that it's important to remember that a deep friendship with your spouse is more lasting and more important than the butterflies you get when you're infatuted. After five years of marriage, I don't get butterflies all the time (sometimes I do) but my husband is my best friend. We can talk about anything (we do too!) I still love to snuggle him and daily we make a commitment to each other to keep our marriage strong.

Good luck. Get some counseling, it will work out.

Answer 5

It is good that you realized you married for the wrong reason, and it is also good that you realize it can still work. Unless he is abusive and such, I think the marriage could still work, but you must work as a team and love each other. Also, you should find a church together, being a part of a church family is more helpful than going to therapy. You get a family who really cares for you (if it's the right church) and they will protect you and nurture you in time of need. They can also give you marriage counseling and you can go to classes to learn about being married, having help with college life, and also how to accept Jesus as Lord of your life. Believe me, if you and your husband are both willing, it is a worth while place to go, church is more than a preacher telling you what to do, it is a family who cares about you and a place where you can find peace in God. I hope you find peace,
God bless, and take care.

Answer 6

Sounds like you want it to work out...or else you would not have asked if it could. People get married for the wrong reasons all the time, heck most of my friends have and they are struggling to make it work or they divorce. But that aside marriages work if you do; what I mean is if you want it to you will find a way to work on it. Marriage needs respect, friendship and trust these should be your building blocks to a successful relationship. Good Luck to you and I do hope all works out.

Answer 7

Thanks for acknowledging your situation. I pity you but I think you thought the situation over and over again. It was not at the spur of the moment but an answer to your need and your problem. Even if it was not the right thing, you have made your choice. All I have to tell you is to pray and discern so that issues maybe strengthened and made straight. You can very well address your problem through dialog with your family, your new partner in life and accept the situation "per se" so that you can start life all over again. Every event in life is permitted for a better purpose in life. You can also consult a psychologist.

Answer 8

So you don't love him for all that he has given you? I think maybe you didn't do the right thing for the right reasons but that it can work if you put some effort into it. I know of some arranged marriages that have worked with different cultures. Not ours, however. Maybe you need to just give it more time. The decision will come to you. Talk over with your spouse a little bit of how you feel and yet don't hurt his feelings.

Answer 9

I know several people who've married for the wrong reasons. Some of them made it work out well enough, but some haven't. I would say to definitely work for it, though. Just because you married for the wrong reasons doesn't mean you have to keep it that way---fall in love with him, find ways to show you appreciate him, and do your best to make it right. It sounds like you've had a hard life, but that you've been trying to improve it. I would say it is definitely worth the effort to make things work out.

Answer 10

If you're not happy, how can it magically work out? I know you're probably hoping for a more positive/optimistic answer, but that would just be a lie. What you did was pretty selfish, but I can't really judge you because I don't know how bad your life was before. It's very unfortunate that you married him though, I feel bad for your husband because he's living a lie and doesn't even know it.
But, you shouldn't stay in the relationship if you're not happy. It's a shame that it came to this, but you can't undo the past. Don't waste any more of your time or his, I would get out of the marriage so you could both move on with your lives, don't waste them away being stuck together if it's not meant to be

Answer 11

The marriage could still work out, but I would be very careful. You don't want to get stuck in an abusive relationship in the US as well. I would also make sure that your prospective husband understands your situation. You may not want to make it explicit that you don't love him, but make sure he understands you are wary, and that your background may make it more difficult for the relationship to work. If you have not done so, you may want to check with the US State Department on gaining asylum. You may be able to get asylum if you can prove you are in danger if you return home.