How do I convince my husband to move to another state?

Question

My husband has a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage, she lives a nice life with her Mother and we see her twice a week. I want to move to another state ( 7 hours away) where the cost of living is cheaper and we can afford a house ( we are renting now.)

When I bring this up to my husband, he tells me that his daughter comes first and that he can't leave her, and that I should be more understanding. I am understanding but I need to be happy in my life! What should I do??? What should I tell him??

Thanks!

It amazes me how I appear "selfish" when half of the women I know wouldn't even date a man with kids let alone marry him. I LOVE his daughter, and I AM understanding of her needs. I always put her first, even before him, but am I supposed to struggle and be miserable in my life because of a 7 hour move? Maybe I should have mentioned that before I married hm he promised me we would move away, so he was dishonest. I feel tricked and stuck.

Answer 1

Please don't make him choose between his daughter & you because that's not fair & you already know the answer to that. He had a daughter before you married him, so try to be more understanding, by putting yourself in his shoes. If it's a home you want to buy, look hard & one will become affordable in your area. You need to soothe his ruffled feathers & drop the subject about moving away. If your happiness in life revolves around moving out of state & buying a home, then something is terribly wrong. Most every woman wants a home of her own, but other things take priority sometimes.

Answer 2

You sound outrageously selfish to me.

I agree with swtlilblonde31, you're not happy because you don't own a house? That's the only reason you've given us why you want to move; have you given any thought about how you two would find jobs? He probably has, and I guarantee that the income level reflects the cost of living, so you wouldn't be any richer.

Anyway, what suddenly happened that you are no longer happy in your life? I certainly hope you were happy before you married your husband or you're never going to be happy with him. Is your happiness really that dependent on material possessions, while his can be satisfied by being close to his 10 year old daughter?

He sounds like the responsible one by placing his parental duties first in his life and making his family a priority above all else. His daughter was in his life before you were, and he's making the mature decision to stay with her. If you somehow convince your husband to move 7 hrs away, then don't complain when he drives 7 hrs one-way twice a week to see his daughter.

If it's so important for you to own a house, then my advice is to get divorced. If you put yourself between him and his daughter, he will choose his daughter. And I would to.

Answer 3

You should be supportive and have a great deal of respect for your husbands commitment to his child. It takes a real man to do the right things for his children after a divorce. Think how many men have little or no contact with their kids. I know thru the years I have had to make sacrifices in my standard of living to make sure my children were able to grow up happy inspite of the divorce. Realize that this was part of the bargain when you married and it is a short term situation. As the children get older a move would be much easier for them to handle.
When my second wife and I married we both made the commitment to each other that children come first. How could you expect it be any other way?

Answer 4

Are you kidding me? That's his daughter! Are you really putting your wants over the needs of a child? Are you really asking a man to sacrifice his own daughter so you can own a house? What kind of woman are you?

I am truly at a loss here, I don't know what to say... I just can't imagine that a grown-up could actually be that self-centered!

It's his daughter! And you KNEW he had that commitment when you CHOSE to marry him, and now it's all about what YOU want?

Let me ask you this, would you want to be married to someone like you?

Answer 5

Part of marriage means sacrifice and compromise. His daughter is 10 and SHE needs her father. Divorce is hard enough on children as it is! Although your marriage should come first, it's VERY admirable in this day & age that he is considering what is best for his daughter! YOU, on the other hand, are trying to be controlling & manipulative. You aren't thinking of anyone but yourself! YOU want to move, YOU need to be happy....HE needs to have regular contact with his daughter. This is the part where YOU be a mature adult, make the sacrifice and compromise until his daughter is 18.

Answer 6

lol .. what a selfish person u are.. Sorry keep pushing and u will lose.. his daughter comes first in his life, and u should of realized this before u married him.. he's not going to move, and if u keep pushing u could very well lose your husband.. thats his child and his place is with her, and he is doing the right thing by telling u NO to the moving.. would u be able to leave ur kids? if the answer is yes i hope he's smart enough not to have kids with u cause u'll make a crappy mother..

He's doing the right thing if u want to move then move and leave him and his child be instead of trying to be the wedge that divides them..

Answer 7

How would you feel if the situation was reversed and you had the daughter and your husband wanted to move 7 hours away. The two of you need to sit down and discuss this. I am sure you will come to a resolution. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

You have to put yourself in his shoes. If you had a daughter or son from a previous marriage how would you feel about that? That child will most defiantly have abandonment issues from her father if that happens and she might end up disliking you very much because of it. When you married him you had to of known that he had a child from a previous marriage and that child comes first as children should.

Answer 9

WOW, you got a toughy here. Perhaps you might want to suggest to him that he should look ahead and project his daughters life a bit and see where he finds her at in say 5 yrs....Maybe moving won't look so terrible then. Another consideration is that she could spend summers with him too....and lastly maybe a mediator would help.

Answer 10

Before God, the marraige always comes first. He should have learned by now--his 2'nd time around- that he needs to WORK on his marraige with you in all ways that could make it better and the investment of a home is very important. I see illegal mexicans coming here and already buying homes why in the world shouldn't you two? my husband is temporarily working in the MidEast, which enabled us to buy our own home, now our son won't see him until August and I promise you there never was a more secure or well-adjusted boy. Husbands, well most men do not see things until they are visually presented to them, plan a vacation in that state, shower him with home brochures,and be nice about it, but don't give up your dream, this is your life too.
His first marraige ended for a reason, could it have been partly due to his stubborness? yes his child is very important, but I know for a fact he does not have have to be there every moment for her to be happy and well-adjusted. He took vows for a commitment with you, I hope his x had no input in this. In 8 short years his daughter could decide to move halfway across the country--and she won't be looking for his approval. I fly to my freezing cold home state to see relatives whenever--where houses cost about $300,000. from here [where its warm] and the same house cost about $120,000. it only takes 3 hrs. to fly--these days w/all the transportation its a small world.