Pregnant at 13?

Question

My housekeeper told me last night her 13-yr old daughter is pregnant. She's already been to the clinic because she tried to give herself an abortion and started bleeding. The clinic said she's too small and not strong enough to have the child, but the free clinic can't do the abortion, as she's too far along (12 wks). My housekeeper, who doensn't even believe in abortions to begin with, asked me to help get the child to a proper abotion clinic. I foolishly did as she asked, and she's got an appt. for Fri.

The guilt is eating me alive. I know they have proper councelors at the clinics, but can anyone here tell me the dangers to the 13-yr old? I mean, she's tiny... she looks more like 11 to me.

Also, the girl has no idea how she got pregnant, which makes me think she was raped... or coerced into something she doesn't understand by an older boy.

Any advice? Should I talk them out of the abortion? My housekeeper is in a state and has been crying most of the day.

I spoke to the girl, she doesn't want the baby - she wants to go back to school. Mom and daughter are both adament about the abortion.

The thing is, she's already tried to abort herself once, I'm afraid she'll do herself further damage. Wouldn't it be better if she gets it done by a professional then?

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and insight.

Answer 1

first off, this type of situation, no matter what the age, causes mixed emotions.

do not let yourself feel guilty for finding a clinic for this young girl to have an abortion if it is something her mother asked you to do for her.

ive personally never heard of a clinic making the cut-off for abortions 12 weeks. most go through the second trimester, as horrible as it is, up to week 22. some even longer.

chances are the baby (if she was to continue pregnancy) would have to be taken by c-section, considering she is so small.

also, since she tried to self-abort, she has already posed a threat of infection to herself and the fetus. this does not make for a healthy continuing pregnancy.

do not try to talk them out of it. the girl and her mother will make the appropriate decision based on the facts of the situation. yes, adoption is a GREAT alternative to someone who does not want to care for a baby themselves, but that is not your decision to make.

if she decides to keep the baby (good for her!!!) she can either 1) cancel the appointment at the clinic, 2) just not show up, or 3) make an extremely last minute decision and walk out of the office (as long as anesthetics haven't been administered yet).

im sorry to hear you are going through this. it can be overwhelming and frightening. may god bless you, the girl, her baby, and her mother.

Answer 2

Boy this is really a tough question.. well lets see where to start.
I think you made the right decision, basically this housekeeper and her child sound desperate and regardless if you gave them the proper information or not they were going to find it some way. I do suggest that you help them find couseling, a 13 year old is not equipped to deal with this kind situation, and the fact that she may have been coerced in to something makes that more of a concern for me. And you mention that this young girl actually tried to perform her own abortion is alarming. I suggest you, pass the information let them handle it . I know it feels like your passing the buck but in reality this is a family affair and you really don't want to lose a valuable friend or employee due to a situation you have no control over. Don't feel guilty you did the right thing and supplied information that she wanted.

Answer 3

Good lord. The doctor at the clinic said she's too small and weak to carry a child. The baby probably wouldn't make it anyway, not to mention the poor girl would suffer permanent physical damage.
She needs to have an abortion. It is a medical necessity, not a moral issue. I have said it before, and I will say it again: It is abuse to force a child to carry a child, especially in the face of likely, severe physical injury. I don't understand what's so difficult about this.

Answer 4

First of all, my thoughts and prayers are with you..You are in a really tight predictamnet. I don't know how you ended up making the appointment, but in my opinion it is up to the 13 yr old's mom to make the decision. She needs to take her daughter to a counselor..something like Planned Parenthood or similar. The child also needs to be informed about pregnancy...if she was raped, God help her...it can be a difficult decision to keep a baby from rape..I have been there..I am completely against abortion, but I considered it at the age of 19 from rape. I'm grateful that I ended up with a miscarriage. But back to the subject....Talk to the Mom and the child together and keep the mom calm...that is gonna be the best that you can do, and get the child to talk to an outside source before she makes a life altering decision like this. Good luck and God bless

Answer 5

I normally don't say that a situation definately calls for an abortion, because it should be the person's choice, however will the medical and physical complications this child will have with the pregnancy, I feel that abortion is the only answer for her. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to give birth to this child, and you certainly don't want her hurting herself again.

If it's what she wants, she will cope with the abortion just fine. Don't let people make you feel that she's going to be traumatized for life. Many women have abortions and have yet to feel guilt. http://www.imnotsorry.net

She will be fine. Help the child out, and be glad you did.

Answer 6

At 12 weeks she should see a doctor. The doctor will decide if she can carry and deliver the child. The baby can be put up for adoption! I don't agree with a 13 year old having a baby, but having an abortion is much much worse, especially since it could ruin her reproductive organs, thus ruin her chances of conceiving later in life. Please cancel the appointment and take her to see a licensed OB/GYN!

Answer 7

My boyfriend's mother got pregnant with him at 12 and had him at 13 he is now 34 and she just turned 47 and she had him in the early 70's things can happen to anyone at any age I was 24 when I had a child die I wouldn't think she was raped more like she doesn't want to get in trouble anymore than she is and I wouldn't feel guilty if that's what they want to do then it should be their guilt not yours or you could try to tell them nexttime they have a problem you can give advice but that's it.

Answer 8

nicely i'm not sure yet help them by skill of no longer having intercourse and getting pregnant at a youthful age your self. tell them to proceed going to college. i be attentive to 13 365 days olds can get pregnant. My boyfriend's relative have been given pregnant at 13. She's now 24 and her oldest would be 11 in March. unhappy certainty.

Answer 9

My advice to you sit and talk with the mother and daughter together. Show the young lady real info (brochures) and ask her what she thinks. Educate them both, do your research. Do this with love, give a hug to both, you never know how much that helps. No need to feel guilty. The fact that risks from abortion increase with the length of gestation. Abortion in the first eight weeks is the safest, but between the ninth and tenth week of pregnancy, the number of risk to mothers climbs. And after 21 weeks, it is even greater.

Answer 10

you have kids as early as 11 yrs old where i live having babies ask the child if she wants the baby. May be if she do the abortion she may not have any more children and she can even lose her life in this abortion because its 3 months old the best thing is to go to counceler