I'm 15, how should I deal with this issue with my parents?

Question

A year ago I went through a bas phase. I was jealous of my lil sister, felt I wan't loved, eneded up being mean to her and doing some bad stuff. I apologized my parents were kinda harsh, I got a extremely harsh punishment fo 3 months and for 2 months more they still acted like they didn't like and trust me. That broke my spirit, I got in a deep depression, but my parents were harsh again, told me I had got what I deserved, depression would solve nothing and I had to cary on w/ my life. I even thought about suicide, but my grandma who loves me sugested I spend some time with her, far from my parents. I've ben living w/ her for a years and my life changed, now I'm a kid my parents are proud of. But I don't want to see them again, they didn't act like parents, proved they don't love me. They want me to get back home but I can't see them withouth getting disturbed by those memories. I don't deserve such punishment. I want to stay w/ my grandma and write them off my life. She stands by me

My grandma, mother of my father, is a wonderful person, made me recover my self esteem and help me become what I am today. She pays for my school , everything, will pay for my college, so I don't need my parents any more and anyway they dont love me

Answer 1

Sweetie they do love you,they just made you face up to your wrong doings and you rebelled against them.It sounds like you don't like to follow the rules of the game.You said yourself that you did some pretty bad things to your little sister so for that you should have been punished.And then you regretted it, and had a change of heart so your parents should just cave in no it don't work that way because before you knew it you would be doing it again.Chance are you probably get your way so you are fine where you are, no need causing a seen when you get what you want hu? You need to really face up to the fact with wrong doing comes punishments there is rules to live by and you are no exception to them, sorry sweetie you ask for the advice and i just called it the way it reads, wasn't trying to be mean at all good luck

Answer 2

What you haven't really said was, what the punishment was and why it was so extreme, what exactly did you do. Parents punish, to teach their children consequences for their actions but the punishment should equal the bad behavior (time to fit the crime).
They may have made a mistake but I can't judge them, without more details. Teen have always been dramatic about their punishment, like taking their cell phones away for a month because they ran the bill up. Going by your statement that you did some bad things to your sister, questions if the punishment did indeed fit the crime but you didn't agree with it. The fact that you lost their trust seems to be more than a minor incident.
I would look long and hard in your heart and really look at that situation and give it an honest thought. Parents don't go to the extreme unless it fits the bill. You can write them off but the fact remains, you still haven't understood how your actions were wrong, never learned from it and never moved past it. If you can't deal with this properly, it will come back later in life.
Talk or write to your parents how you felt back then and how your feeling about it now (anger seems apparent). Find solutions to get past this and what you want from them and what your willing to give them.
The sooner you confront this the better off you'll all be. Don't let this be the end of your parents, time flies, memories fade and by the time you can forgive them, your parents will be gone. A simple letter or phone call, can end this now and you'll all come away with learning something and enjoying the future together.

Answer 3

What was the "harsh" punishment? Did they ground you for a few months for terrorizing your younger sibling? Take away the T.V phone computer? If that is what the did the big whoop get over it. Now there stance on your "depression" is a different matter perhaps they just thought you were pouting because you did not like getting in trouble and having to pay for what you did wrong. You say you did not deserve the punishment, how do you think your sister felt when you were doing "harsh" things to here? A parents job is not to be your best friend and give you whatever you want or to pat you on the head and say its ok just don't do it agin. There job is to make sure you grow into an adult that understands that you must pay for whatever choice you make in life. And sometimes " I am sorry" just is not enough....

Answer 4

I am glad to hear that your life is turning around. I think that it is wonderful that your grandmother has been supportive of you and is willing to be there for you.To keep things in perspective parents aren't perfect.Most parents get up each day and try their best.When you said you went through a bad spell you didn't say what exactly so I will assume behaviour and attitude.Your parents may have felt what you were experiencing was "normal" teen rebellion.Your parents had a responsibility towards your sister's welfare as well.I don't know what the punishment was,but right or wrong,it is what they felt appropriate at the time.Of course you feel your parents let you down when you needed them most. Depression is not easy for others to understand, you can't just shake it off and cheer up. For now I would stay put. Do you have contact with your sister?If not, she has lost a brother through no fault of her own.. Keep in mind she will be torn between her love of her parents and you.I would try e-mail contact or phone calls to your family and test the waters. Perhaps spend a day or weekend with them and see how it goes.I wouldn't rush and make any decisions about returning home,it may be too stressful for you.I wouldn't close any doors just yet. Give yourself time to think clearly and don't be pressured into anything.Good luck in your future and the choices you make.

Answer 5

No matter what anyone says....it's your family and regardless of what you do they'll ALWAYS love you. They are showing you tough love because that's the way you want it. I know life is confusing but family is all we really have and if you take that away then you've got nothing. Your grandma seems very loving and supporting but you should definitely try to work things out with your parents. Maybe your grandma could help. I am also sorry about the way ya feel. I hope you don't hurt yourself because someone will miss ya <3 Good Luck

Answer 6

Think on this: if you were a Mom and had a child aged 14 who did what you did-are you going to be angry? are you gonna trust the kid? Dont you think they had a responsibility to teach you not hurt your own sister? And did they not have the responsibility to keep her safe? I think maybe you have more self esteem now but Grandma is letting you off the hook some here. You still do not accept that your own actions created the situation and your parents had every right to be angry and punish you. You do understand that you could have been sent to juvenile court for that dont you? That you committed a crime. Get real and grow up.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel. My mother left me when i was a little over a year old. So my dad and I had to live with his mom which would be my grandmother who i love dearly. She took us in and helped my dad raise me. She is the one i consider my mom because she has been there for me through hell and high water. When i was 8 years old my dad was in a car accident and it left him unable to care for me or himself. So guess who was there, grandma. Then after my dad's wreck my mom tried to come back in my life and i wanted nothing to do with her. I forgot to mention i have a 1/2 Brother and a little sister also. The brother has a different dad and the sister has the same dad. Now the question i had was why did she want my brother and sister but not me? Well i hated her for this and to this day i still do and i am 20 years old. I had a babygirl when i was 18 which would have been my mom's first grandchild but i refused to let her be a part of our lives. My brother recently had twins and that is who my mom and her new husband live with. I do not bother her. I look at it this way, she missed my entire life and i refuse to let in my life to ruin it again. I feel if i didn't need her and her love then i dont need anything from her now and that is the way i will always feel. I don't even feel like she is my mother i feel like she is more of a person i know and that is how i feel about her. I don't consider her anything else. What i am saying is your parents will regret treating you like that and when they realize it, it will be too late because you are already scared for life and you are afraid to let them back in your life for fear of treating you like crap again. Well good luck and i hope you see the point i was trying to make.

Answer 8

Wow, you've been through some stuff! I went through a lot too then. You are so fortunate to have that grama.Although you say your Parents' actions proved they didn't love you . You don't Know they didn't love you. Now you are new and improved. How about talking about those issues with them, weather or not you're willing to change where you live. Sounds like you need to get that off your chest. You can see then, as well, how they deal with hearing it.You sound very strong now. Maybe because you're doing so well they will agree you should stay where you are for another year. (?)

Answer 9

I tend to agree with you here. I have a 16 year old son and I always tell him no matter what it is he does- I may not like what he does but I will ALWAYS love him and I will always be there for him no matter what. That he always has a safety net in my arms and a safe and happy place to lay his head. Your oparents gave up on you entirely too soon- no matter what mistakes u make- a parent is there for their kids. Even when they are 40 years old! My heart goes out to u and Im soooo soooooooo sorry you had to deal with it without your parents support and love. BUT you did have a wonderful grandma who loved you and gave u the safety net you needed so badly! Now that u r older- tell your parents exactly how u feel- let them know it hurt u deeply when they just turned their back on u and didnt support u thru the bad. Be completely honest with them and maybe that will lead to forgiveness someday. Good luck to u darlin!

Answer 10

My friend went through the same sort of thing with her mother (her parents were divorced) and lived with her dad and stepmom until she went to college.

In the end, it is going to be really tough. Your parents love you, but they just weren't able to be there for you when you needed them.

I am going to suggest this: First, write a letter. A LONG letter to your parents about how you feel and why you are hesitant on giving them a second chance. Let them know everything about how the memories haunt you and your feelings of abandonment. Secondly, ask your grandmother if she will pay for you to go see a psychologist. They are great with helping you deal with these sorts of emotions. You DON'T want to carry this baggage with you for the rest of your life, and obviously you know that by trying to seek help here. If you don't get help, you run the risk of going through what my friend has been through. She tried to reconcile, and is in a constant struggle between the love and hate she feels for her mom.

Good luck in everything, and I hope one day you are able to reconcile, or at least talk to them.