how to get past visions of when your spouse cheated?

Question

she had sex with another guy and even though i forgive her the thoughts are in my head all the time and its really messing me up inside anyone been through this? and can you give me some advise

Answer 1

Tape you having sex with her, and watch it... ;)

Answer 2

I have been through this and I still struggle with those images in my mind. My situation was that we were separated at the time so that makes it a little easier, but you also need to realize (and this helps) that people do not cheat when things are good in their marriage, no matter what you think. If she cheated then she either never loved you or she did love you and something in your relationship was faultering and you were either ignoring it or she was hiding it really well.

Anyway, if you want some advice on how to get past this and are willing to admit that you played a role in this one way or the other, and that there is a possibility that she did this under mental duress, then visit this site and give it a read and a listen.

http://www.lightyourfire.com/

http://www.lightyourfire.com/audio.cfm

Dr. Ellen is amazing. She truly cares about saving marriages and I think that if you will give this a sincere look, you can save yourself, even if you decide not to save your marriage.

Best of luck.

And fyi, my nightmare was over 10 years ago. Just this week did I find Dr. Ellen and I have to tell you, if I would have had access to just the information on her site (without buying anything) I would have saved myself at least five miserable years. It's worth your time.

Answer 3

your own perception of this will determine its outcome. we have to know and trust that we have something beyond the obstacle that is hurting us. its what we believe that determines our future, it usually isn't the deed that caused all the hurt, but the cover up if there was one. marriages break up because people don't have the skills to work through the problems. we can choose to be discouraged, or we can deal with it, in a mature way. just refuse to keep reliving the thoughts of her with the other man. if u have your wife back, and she was sincere, and remorseful, at some point u will have to get over this, and put it away. alot of what u are feeling is your pride, and ego. so just put your trust in god, rather than your circumstances. u overcome this by faith. u can't let your emotions run your life. wrong thinking keeps us in the past, keeps us reliving the pain.

Answer 4

You won't get pass the visions, I am so sorry. I have been through the same thing and after hiding all of it inside of me after 21 years of marriage I am in the middle of a divorce because he finally left me for another woman.
Forgive and Forget are two different things and you have to decide what you feel inside and what you want out of life. Don't allow yourself to let this take over your life and it will. You will find yourself worrying all day what she is doing and where she is at.
Please put yourself first and look at this situation in the future, not in the present. Can you see yourself forgiving her over and over. She now knows she can do this and get your approval.
If you need anyone to talk to please feel free to email me. Remember you are the one you need to take care of first.

Answer 5

My current GF cheated on me 13 years ago. Then dropped me. I found out she had cheated AFTER she dropped me. We started seeing each other again about 6 months ago.. and just recently moved in together. From the very begining of this I have had issue with thinking about what she did. It still hurts BAD. Even after 13 years. And even though she tells me she could never do that to me again.. I know she didnt it once. What's to stop her from doing it again ? So I feel your pain, and wish I had an answer for you. But I just wanted you to know I know what your going through. And that time wont heal it... Atleast not 13 years

Answer 6

I had been through it many times with my ex who I happen to have to little boys with. Unfortunately the truth hurts and there is a lack of respect there and more then not once a person has cheated they will do it again. And as you are experiecing with these thoughts it destroys a relationship and the trust. This is probably something that will always be in your mind, but its up to you to work through if you want to "fix" things. Good luck!

Answer 7

I admit I always thought that if my wife cheated on me THAT would be the hardest thing to get over - the thoughts of her doing it. I have never had to deal with it, and I can offer no good advice. Even if you forgive her, how can this be truly put behind you?

Answer 8

U basically have to find away to bury them deep inside yourself, forgiving is the easy part, forgetting is the hard part.. and is usually what causes the break up.. because unless u forget the pain u feel in ur heart and soul never goes away, and it eats at u ..

Answer 9

I too have a vivid imagination and this is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with. Even though my husband and I are getting a divorce, I still have problems with this.

Answer 10

those are normal ways of the mind ,trying to trust again is so hard to do,but as soon as it comes to your mind you must think of happy times with your wife and those visions will take over and stay there

Answer 11

un like yester years it is not un common for any one be perfect till marriage , especially in advanced countries, it is quite adviseable to take her or him accept as it is , make a commitment not to have any more diversion for sex mutually after marriage and in future.