My husband & i have been together for 3yrs, married for 7mths & have two beautiful girls together.In janurary we had to move interstate so my husband could presue his study. Before we moved things werent great between us to start with but since we've been here its gotten alot worse. 2yrs ago 2 of our close friends joined us in the bedroom but i only went through with what happend because it was something he wanted to do, i was put on the spot .To this day is still upsets me & when i talk to him about it he doesnt have much to say. Our marriage is pretty close to over not due to this but it does play a big part.He says he was just horny & wanted sex but i cant understand y couldnt he wait till after they left and we went to bed. The way i feel is you have to have feelings to have sex with someone but he wont admitt anything! I cant except this & i dont know how to get past it. Has he convinced himself there were no feelings involved? Am i just being silly? Why am i scared to leave?
2007-03-06 22:29:04 · 7 answers · asked by channy_simon 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont know if i can forgive him until he's 100% honest with me to the reason why he wanted to do it and ive tried to get it out of him but he wont budge on what he's already said .. I need him to try and help me work and sort this out but i dont get the feeling he's trying real hard .. he says he wants to try and sort this out cause he loves me but sometimes i just dont think love is enough
2007-03-06 23:33:40 · update #1
Yes i had sex with another man but i didnt want to i did it because my husband wanted to have sex with this guys partner and the only way it was going to happen is if we swapped .. i did it to make him happy, now its just ruined my life
2007-03-07 02:44:00 · update #2
I think the reason this took place is because it happened to be an oppurtunity to be taken advantage of...nothing more. Not that I'm condoning it either. You have to wonder if this was preplanned and you were purposely left out of that particular phase because he knew what your reaction and response would be. So if it were sprung on you in public so to speak you'd be hard pressed to say no.
These type of 3 or 4 somes always come with complications. It isn't good to share a person and an act that is the ultimate in intimacy and an expression of you as a person sharing yourself with another that you love. Once you share yourself with strangers it not only cheapens the act but you begin to wonder if your partner doesn't see sex as anything more than an act to get your rocks off.
So with him there probably isn't any feelings. It was a feel good situation and he can always say he had a 4-some..whatever it was. You, on the other hand see it from the emotional point of view...which I have to agree is the light I see it in. I don't think his attitude is going to change. Sex is a physical act to him and thats it. I wouldn't say that he feels like this towards you. However i think the whole thing was planned from the start and dropped on you with the thought you'd participate because you wouldn't make waves. You're scared to leave because you have..or had that feeling of security and of love no doubt. You don't want to make a rash move here because alot is at stake. I would suggest that you do your best to let this pass and be considered ancient history. I would suggest that should you find yourself in a situation that looks like it may rapidly turn into a moresome and its sprung on you like the last one is to put your foot down and refuse to engage in it. If he does...then I guess you know what your decision will be henceforth.
In the meantime...good luck and hope things smooth over for you.
2007-03-07 00:12:47 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could not understand what happened in the bedroom with the friends. If you husband and wife did group sex or swinging, your life is gone. Never both of you can enjoy the normal sex. Better get away.
2007-03-06 23:13:47 · answer #2 · answered by sunlight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you should seek some marital counseling if you have any desire to save the marriage. I wish you the best of luck. When you involve others in the bedroom this does cause issues for most couples. One very important thing to keep in mind in the future. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with, do not do anything just to appease and please another. God bless****
2007-03-06 23:34:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a marraige your intimate life becomes shared between both of you , if this connection is broken , by either a trust issue , or otherwise , then it needs to be addressed , you must talk with him to see if there is hope , if there is no hope , then finish it , but keep the links of contact for the kids , so they dont miss out..
you are scared to leave because you fear that you will be on your own for the rest of your life , dont worry about this , focus on your family , then focus on you , new contacts will see this as a good point in you for new relationships
2007-03-06 23:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by DSV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try marriage counseling. if he can not accept that or face you like a real man and talk his feelings then you don't deserve him. when he gets horny and can't have sex with just his wife then sounds to me he is hiding something. honey if facing you like a real man or counseling doesn't work move on with your life eventually you two will start fighting and that is something your kids does not need to go threw. move on with your life and your kids life. i know divorce hurts kids also but seeing mom and dad fighting all the time is worse
2007-03-06 23:13:03 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stable pass. i'm a similar - Bi, yet married & monogamous. I have not have been given any purpose of dishonest on my husband with everyone, and that i do no longer pick to be a be certain who cheats (we've 4 little ones), so on a similar time as that financial disaster is closed, it does no longer replace the certainty that i replaced into, am, and continuously would be bi.
2016-11-23 12:51:51 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is wrong with what you said happen.But to get to the point. Ok men DO NOT NEED TO FEEL CONNECT TO, HAVE FEELING FOR, OR EVEN LIKE A WOMEN TO HAVE SEX.
2007-03-06 23:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋