Okay, kind of a BIG emergency, I need advice QUICK?

Question

I have been estranged from my mother since I ran away from home at 16. I'm almost 21 now and married. My 13 year old sister still lives with my mom and so far she's always come to me with her problems. Now, my mother is the type that refuses to explain anything that might be embarassing so I never really learned about sex until I experienced it. Tonight my sister called and told me that her 14 year old boyfriend is trying to get her to do things with him over spring break next week. I feel good knowing that she's comfortable enough to come to me for help, but now I have no idea what to do. I was 14 when I lost my virginity and she's using that as an example, but I honestly regret not waiting and don't know how to explain it to her in a way that she'll except. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did. I wouldn't have done most of the things I did too young if I hadn't had sex too soon. I need to find a way to get her to really listen and trust me.

Answer 1

You did a pretty good job explaining to us that it was a mistake. Why can't you say that to her?

Answer 2

Tell her exactly what you just wrote...that you are proud of her and glad she is comfortable enough to come to you, that while you did loose your virginity at 14 you have regrets and explain what and why. Then tell her that if she is old enough to consider sex, she is old enough to go on birth control and to use condoms each and every time. Then make her an appointment at the local Planned Parenthood or her doctor. Take her to buy the condoms and make sure she knows how to use them properly. Explain that birth control pills are not effective immediately and if she chooses to have sex before they are, she runs a chance of getting pregnant (another good reason for the condoms!). And ask her how she would handle a baby or a sexually transmitted disease...this is all part of being a responsible sexual partner and if any of it makes her uncomfortable or she says "it doesn't matter..it won't happen to me" then gently point out that it may not be the right time for her to become sexually active. You can offer your advice, but only your sister can make the final choice. Do all you can to be sure she is safe and will stay healthy no matter what the final decision ends up being.

Answer 3

If she's turning to you now, that's a key indication that she does trust you. You summed it up quite perfectly in what you just said, so try saying the same to her.

Let her know that you don't want her making the same mistake. You had to learn it the hard way and you don't want her to have to feel the same way. There's so much you can say to her but again, you basically summed it all up already.

Perhaps you could invite her to stay with you over the spring break and use the time to bond a little more and talk with her in person about everything. Be the responsible party if your mother refuses to. Your sister deserves some honest and sincere stability!


I wish you... and your sister the very, very best!

Answer 4

Tell her what you just wrote: it was a mistake! Explain to her that a good boyfriend who truly loves her, won't be with her for the sex, but for who she is in general. Let her know that by waiting for a bit, she will see if he really is the type of man who wants to be by her side or if he is the type of guy who wants to take her virginity.

I think almost everybody regrets having sex at a young age. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend after 6 months of dating at the age of 15. In the end he became abusive sexually, verbally and emotionally and made sex a scary thing for me. I only hope you can let her know how vital it is to not feel pressured and the likes in this situation.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Tell her just what you said in your question. Tell her to stay far away from her boyfriend on spring break. Tell her that 13 is an age when she should be looking forward to fun non-sexual things, not acts that could result in her being pregnant, having a bad reputation. or contracting an STD.
Good luck. She may look up to you and think it is OK because you did it when you were 14. Tell her who your heroes are now - tell her who you look up to. Tell her about your dreams and hopes. Tell her how hard they are to achieve and what is required.
Ask her where sex fits into any long-term goals that she might have. Ask her if it is a necessary component of any of those goals. I'll bet not.

Answer 6

I made the same mistake you did and regretted it my whole life. The only thing you can do is sit down with your sister and tell your story to her honestly and with all the emotions you have felt. Maybe she will connect with you. But you might also want to tell her that she will feel better about it if she is strong enough to do it because she wants to. Is she confident enough to say no? Is she confident enough to take charge of her own body? Most 14 yr olds are not. Good Luck

Answer 7

Tell her exactly what you told us, but also leave her know that the decision is hers, the ball's in her court and when the time comes you know she'll make the right decision for her. Reaffirm that she's a strong individual and you definitely know she can make this decision. Also if it's a decision her boyfriend doesn't like and has a problem with then she doesn't need him. She's more important than that. There's nothing more effective than positive reinforcement. Build her up and make her feel important. She'll feel good about herself and more confident and independent. I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 8

i might definitely want a vaginal delivery, in basic terms bc that is how toddlers have been meant to be born, and additionally bc the restoration from a vaginal is a lot quicker particularly than a c-area, additionally bc if i desired to have a vaginal delivery, and already had a c-area with my 1st, my possibilities of uterine rupture in the process labor advance and that i do no longer want that better possibility. as for medical doctors allowing women persons to %, the hmo i visit might under no circumstances enable this till you already had a prior c-area. yet definite i agree the alternative could be ours, as long as have been finished term. i additionally think of being precipitated could be our decision genuine now. i'm dealing with this concern genuine now: i'm 0 cm dilated in user-friendly terms 20 % effaced infant hasn't dropped yet and that i'm a million day previous my due date! and that i would be unable to be precipitated til July eleventh on the earliest. i might relatively like this decision. i'm forty weeks medically there is not any rationalization why they cant, yet oh nicely. the alternative could be ours. having an abortion is a horrid difficulty to do jointly as having a c-area or precipitated labor are actually not, yet yet medical doctors act like it shouldnt be our decision.

Answer 9

You sound like a great sister, and she is lucky to have you. Try to explain to her that at 13 she is too young to have sex and explain why, dont just leave it at that. Answer her question how you would want it to be explained to you. She came to you for sisterly advise not motherly, so just be straight forward and dont hide anything.

Answer 10

Tell her exactly what you have told us.Let her know that there are things that you would have changed and done differently when you were young if that were possible. Ask her if your mom has talked to her about sex.Let her know that there is no need to rush into intimacy. Hopefully the words she remembers are yours and not her boyfriend's.

Answer 11

Like everyone else said you did a great job on here. Tell your sister what you told us. Tell her how it effected your life. If she's still going to do it then PLEASE explain to her about condoms! Explain to her the way STD's and pregnancy works. She's lucky to have you, don't let her down now. Good luck to you!!!