I have been married now for 5 and a half years and my husband told me about 4 weeks ago that he wants a divorce. He has since moved out. I love him with all my heart and if this is what he wants I wont contest it but it is really hard. He says that he still cares about me but more as a really good friend. sometimes it is my fault because I was to clingy ( I was never allowed to go out with him so I always wanted to go but 99% if the time he said no) and some of the time it is his fault because he has depression, anger issues and thinks that he will never be happy. I dont know what to believe anymore, he still comes over but when he does he asks me to go grocery shopping for him or calls me up to ask if I will bring him cold medicine. I want to try to stay friends with him somehow but it seems like to wants his cake and be able to eat it to. He even came over to my house and told me that he had a date for valentines day and had better save his energy for the date. It crushed me. HELP!!!
2007-03-06 21:48:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am divorced, I know what you are feeling, my ex husband called me up one day and I felt Happy because I said to my self, he wants to make this work, but no he just needed to know where I had put his blue pants.
I dont think it's healthy to stay friends with him, It would totally crush me too if he had told me that about the date. If you have kids then you can't avoid it. Try keeping yourself busy, join a club, invite your friends for breakfast or lunch, there are a lot of people that care about you. 5 years is a long time, but remember that you have many things to offer. I will guarantee that when you start feeling better about yourself, a new and wonderful person will come in to your life, and the good news is ...you will be ready! The first step is the hardest, from there, it is so much easier. Greetings from Baja!
2007-03-06 22:10:17 · answer #1 · answered by yellowkaze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like communication has been missing from the marriage. My advice (take it or leave it, is fine with me) is to first talk to him in a calm, understanding way. Find out why he wants the divorce, tell him that you will accept any answer. DON'T argue, just LISTEN. No matter what the answer, it may be good to think it over 24 hours before replying. Then after 24 hours, ask him if there would be anyway he would reconsider. Another thing to do is pray, talk to a minister, and read God's Word aka the Bible. It has a lot to say about marriage, He invented it, you know.
2016-03-16 06:24:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you have a real issue in hand....
If you really love him I know its really hard to let it go....so best thing is, at least from now stop being too much clingy (now that you have identified it)....Just give him his space....dont be too much availble for him....Just show him that you are also moving forward with your normal life....start going out with your friends....and start dating guys....
This will definitely work....coz as I see the problem here is he has lost the respect for you, coz you are too much available for him and coz you are too much clingy and dependent on him....dont let that happen....have a control of your life....if you follow these steps you ll win him over....and forever!!!! and after that make sure you dont repeat the same process once he returns....
though some people might say that your husband is no good, and that just get rid of him, its not easy as it says....and you still love him coz he has some good qualities....so follow the above process and see....according to my experience, it should work....
ANYWAY ALL THE BEST!!!!
2007-03-06 22:09:25 · answer #3 · answered by banju 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using you! He is treating you like his mom/maid you may love him but you need to go to counceling and cut him off. Stop doing all these things for him, he chose to leave and now he is on his own.
He had a date for valentines day? Come on now, that means he was most likely seeing her for some time to be out on a date for Valentines, geesh you must be blind.
Move his crap out of your home all of it, change the locks and file for divorce first. There are many other fish in the sea darling and you might want to start fishing!
2007-03-06 23:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a good scenario here. Hes still hanging on to you but yet wants out. His actions are obviousily destroying you and you dont need that, Yes hes using you for his own gain. If he truly wants out, then by all means let him go and stop doing things for him and save your own sanity and move on. This is what he chose for himself, not you, so let himgo and start living for yourself. Tell him the cake is all gone, so he needs to find a new bakery. Good luck
2007-03-06 21:57:20 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start realizing that this husband is no good for you. He is selfish and although he moved out, it seems he won't abstain from the privileges of one who stays in.....
Do not permit him to come to house for grocery shopping because each time he will ask for "cold medicine", "sugar for his coffee", "warm slippers" etc. No, I don't think he wants to be good friends with you. He only wants to be comforted by you, while moving out.
Let his valentine date offer him service.
You look ahead for your life and get a man to respect and love you. The best of luck.
2007-03-06 22:07:57 · answer #6 · answered by Alice in Wonderbra 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, your man wants out but at the same time he told you that he wants to stay friend with you. You still loves him so he is using you knowing that he can get away with it. Do yourself huge favor, if you love him, love him enough to let him go, and next time that he ask you to do him favor ,say no cause you have things to do.
Don't let him take advantage of your situation.............
2007-03-06 23:59:35 · answer #7 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DR PHIL......
He's got no respect....."A date for Valentines".....what a prick!
As hard as it is.....MOVE ON GIRL.
Love should'nt hurt like that. sure there are bumps, but to step out like that is down right dirty, cheap, and DISRESPECTFUL.
Yo man is no man..."He's a gurly man". Tak'n the eazy way out.
Kick'em to the curb. Always someone else you can fall in love with and love you back the same way.
"Love is a verb".......ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.
On the other hand if your willing to go the xtra mile....best of luck.
2007-03-06 22:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by Insaiout 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! sounds like he cares for you but not in love with you anymore. he is trying to break it down to you thinking he will not hurt your feelings as much this way. don't bow down to his every need make him work for it. don't let him get off easy with this. you can be friends but not the kind where you jump when he says jump. girl be strong hold your head high and smile. it will only get worse before it gets better. just keep smiling.
2007-03-06 22:44:14 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋