read this with an open mind on both side's any advice would be greatfull,?

Question

i met my husband in aug 2002 and we fell in love and got married at christmas 2003, i was and still want to be the most happiest woman alive. we have had our up's and down's mostly down's but we have worked through it, i got very hurt in my last relationship, and so did he. but when i found my mr right my whole heart went. i can be a bit insecure, may-be a little jelouse, i've been working on and off as i have a daughter from a previous relationship, and my husband has brought her up as his own, he's gone to work for us, a couple of weeks ago, i found out that he'd been in contact with his ex- girlfriend, and they have been texting each other ever since, he say's there's northing in it, he just wanted some answer's. and if he had told me, i would of gone mad at him, ( which i have anyway) but not only that he's been in contact with her brother and her mum, but just as friends. i can't stop him doing it, he's not left me, he want's us to be together, but he also want's his friend's.help

we want our marriage to work

Answer 1

This is why people should marry one person for life. It works so much better. Anyway, that doesn't help you. If you value your marriage then you need to do everything in your power to make it work, including letting the little weasel talk to his ex. If I was you I would try to communicate my feelings to him open and honestly letting him know how much his communication with his ex hurts you. If he has any kind of empathy he should understand. If not, then you have two choices: leave him or make the best of it.

Answer 2

It could be that he has some unresolved issues with his ex and perhaps it is just a question of wanting some answers. From my own experience, I can tell you that people only re-live the past if they seek a change in their present situation. It is my guess that he is finding his present responsibilities too much and doesn't want to say. I don't know how old you both are, but most probably you are young. Five years together would be just long enough for some change to take place in a relationship. Show him that you can take responsibility for your own life and that of your daughter's. Unless you have a health problem, what other reason is there for you to be working on and off? Don't make a fuss of him getting in touch with his ex and her family. He will come to realise that people have moved on and things are not the same anymore. What you need to do is to be there for him and help him through this by not getting jealous, by not ranting and raving about his text messages. Stay cool, make him feel at ease and try gently to find out what the underlying reason is for this sudden need. Good luck .

Answer 3

It is not ok for him to be doing this if it is not ok with you.
Why does he need to text an ex in the first place, that's sneaky and not right he has you a friend and someone to talk to. He needs answers after five years ago? whats that? is he still hung up on her?
The girl is dishonest and should not text another woman's man. Its a unwritten law for pitys sake! Every woman knows this and she obviously has no respect for your marriage and that is very dangerous. Would you text a friends husband? I would not even dream of it. My hubby would not even think of doing this to a mate of his so it works both ways.
he didn't tell you because he knew it was wrong.. not because he thought you'd go mad at him! And if he really did think like that, why did he do something he knew would upset you and make you insecure? Love is not like that!
Tell him that you are upset, insecure, because he was sneaky about it, lied to you, ect and that it is not a negotiable issue with you. Its cut ties with her or loose you because even though he dosent respect you...you do!! If he continues, then you know he dose not care about your feelings which means his love has gone cold. And you deserve better than this! So dose your daughter, she is learning what is acceptable in a relationship from you.I asked my husband what he thought as you asked from views from men and women, and he agrees with me totally. The man is either cheating or getting ready too... I am sorry i cant sound more optimistic for you but thats the way we see it. Good luck to you sweetie, and heres to better times ahead for you! Love peace and respect to you!xx

Answer 4

Tell him this: Remind him how bad things were for you both in the bad old days which will remind him how hurt he was about his ex.
Tell him you have each other and a little girl to look after and a great life for the three of you ahead so don't blow it over so old girlfriend who has probably just come out of yet another relationship.

Tell him you need each other now more than ever and forever but don't be to heavy and when you make love , make love together like you never have before.

Good Luck

Answer 5

My other half still speaks to his ex and I still speak to mine and his mum and I even worked with his little sister in a school I worked at. There is probably nothing in it and just wants to remain friends with her.

Sometimes people do remain friends after breaking up and even though it might be hard for their new partner to accept they are JUST friends. You should tell him how it makes you feel and try to explain without going "off-the-handle".

Sounds like you already have a fairly strong relationship and if he says there is nothing in it, he doesn't want to leave you and wants to be with you... that is probably the case.

It is always best to get things out in the open so you can work through it, together. Relationships rely on 3 things; love, trust and honesty. If you maintain these things everything will be fine.

Answer 6

So make it work if that is what both of you want. If you need counseling then go get it, whatever it takes. It may also help you with your insecurities too. Talking to his ex can cause jealousy in anyone, which is normal, but without actual evidence you may be over reacting a little. Yes, it warrants careful watching but you also may want to give him the benefit of doubt until something happens. Now he knows you know what hes doing and as long as hes willing to keep you informed of whats happening (your wives right) then dont sweat the small stuff. Ask him what or why he needs help from her, it might just turn out to be professional. So if hes willing to work things out, then by all means work things out. This is the ability of true love in a marriage to meet head-on and overcome lifes challenges together. Good luck

Answer 7

I think you should both make a rule not to have contact with your exes. Think about why they became exes in the first place. I dont believe you can just be friends after having a serious relationship, there is usually one party that still has feelings for the other. It can only cause jealousy and is absolutely pointless. How would he feel if you were texting your ex - ask him that.
He must have male friends he can go to for advice if he wants a :"friend" but what is wrong with committing himself to you, his wife? Good Luck.

Answer 8

I'd be exactly the same - i've had previous bad realationships and therefore am a little insecure and can get jelous! I wouldve reacted the same way - but really you should trust him - hard i know - give him a talk be relaxed and let him know how much you love him (make him listen) and how much your daughter loves him and let him know that you trust him and that if he wants to be friends with people again then that fine and that you'd like to get to know them to (even if you don't) then say that if he is thinking that he may still have feelings for his ex ay at all then you'd like to know - your giving him the opertnity to tell you - you and your daughter deserve to know - not that your saying you don't trust him just that you'd appreciate it if he told for the sake of your friendship with him and your daughter!

Answer 9

Hi, Sorry to hear you are having problems. There is no good reason for your husband to be getting ahold of his X's girlfriend,plus her mom and brother. What is he trying to do,start another family behind your back??? This whole thing stinks!!! You need to set your husband down and ask him what he wants!!! If he would like to see, talk,and be with his X's or be with you and your daughter. When people get marry they are not suppose to look up their X's.and want to see them. I hate to say it,but there's a lot more going on that you realize. Have your talk and see just where you stand.
A Friend.

Clowmy

Answer 10

You need to sit down and have a real heart to heart. Jealousy is an illness I don't care what anyone says, but it is also very destructive in a relationship. You need to be able to talk without shouting at each other and really listen to what the other is saying.

I too would be worried about his intentions, especially as he has been with you for some time now.

Try writing him a letter and tell him how you are feeling, it will make you feel better and hopefully he will listen. Failing that try RELATE for some relationship counselling.

Good Luck.