please help me i dont feel i can carry on after the internet relashionship ive had with a girl in canada for?

Question

two years is drawing to a finish. i loved her so much and have spoke to her and saw her on web cam on msn messenger for two years. ive built up a loving relashionship with her over this time. she was even going to come to the uk to see me. ive recentley been diagnosed with borderline disorder and terrible devastating low moods can take me sometimes. and unfortunatly ive let my insecurities, possesiveness and needines show with her over the last couple of months. ive been online while ive been in a low state,
and ive got upset with her if i seen she talked about other guys in blogs, or shes put pictures of other guys in display pictures, she even said she was hugged by a guy, in a myspace bulletin the other day, and i sulked with her about it, claiming she doesnt really wanna have a relashionship with me, and getting upset and signing offline. ive done this alot with her, and just recently to, because she has another guys picture on display and she claimed she was still single

on her myspace page...i recentley put an email together explaining id recentley been diagnosed with bpd and that i await therapy and i was sorry for my insecurities..but she said last night that it was nothing against me, but she needed to think about our relashionship..im really gutted and despairing...im sorry for the way ive been and feel like begging her not to leave me. this has been a fear for me that she would leave. i have no friends or any other person in my life..im very lonely and live in flat by myself...i cant stand this..
when i went offline sulking last night, i felt guilty that i did that again, and went back online. she was still online on msn. however she wouldnt speak to me....help me somebody, i feel like dying...im 29 shes 20.

i really did love this girl an i cant bare the thought of losing her, this could be it for me

Answer 1

Hello,

(ANS) In my personal opinion online relationships can NEVER ever replace or be a substitute for a relationship with a person in the flesh. Also from my own experience long distance relationships tend not to work because connections are so fragile.

I think you are investing far too much of your time & energy in online relationships which probably feel very safe for you but its a way to avoid feeling the loneliness.

I think it would be much better for you to invest your time & energy into making friendships closer to where you live (NOT virtual relationships) you need friends locally. I know that might feel quite scary, even quite challenging but you only feel lonely because you have isolated yourself and you are lacking a real sense of connection with others near by.

**If you had more friends & more social activities going on in your life you wouldnt feel so lonely, you wouldnt feel so isolated and disconnected. And you wouldnt end up pouring so much emotional energy into a relationship thats not going to workout & only exsists far away.

**You need to feel more connections, more contact with others locally, the more you can develop freindships nearby the more the chances of finding a girlfriend in your town or city.

Best Regards IR

Answer 2

You have a lot of problems at the moment with the diagnoses this means you need some professional help. Ask your GP for some counselling. If you don`t like counselling and I know a lot of people don`t , find a family member you can talk to. Only by talking can you resolve your problems. Look for a support group in your area take a deep breath and join it, the first time is hard then it becomes a wonderful way of talking through your worries.
As for the girl you cannot lose something you never had. A long distance relationship with someone you have met and been with is hard enough but in these circumstances I would say it was nearly impossible.
You can carry on because you are worth more than this, look to the future you are young, obviously intelligent and have the means to find someone in your area. Sign off for good and get out and about where you live. Good luck

Answer 3

Speaking as someone who knows what she's talking about - you were never in love.

Internet relationships are a way of hiding from the real world. I should know I met a man on the internet and had a great relationship (so I thought) until we actually started living together and found out that we really knew very little about each other.

The thing is that when you're online you're there because you choose to be and you can delete words which are not what you really meant but in real life it isn't like that. There are no burping or farting or looking like hell in the morning with an internet relationship. He had told me that his wife was awful and that he was getting divorced and I sympathised. Turns out she was fine and he was just cheating. He lived with me 5 days a week and went back to her at the weekend - hardly ideal. We lasted 3 months in the "real world".

I know that you won't believe me because I didn't when people told me but I can only try. Call it off, just stop with the internet completely - go out in the real world and find a real girl in this country who will make you feel complete.

I am now married with a 4 year old girl and have never been happier.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I kinda know how you feel, I've been devastated by an online romance, myself. I even got a chance to meet they guy and spend a week with him. Long story, I won't go into.

Anyway, it is important for you to realize that you have to get yourself well, before you can make a good decision on this, or any other event in your life. I know, that's not what you probably want to hear. But, it is the truth.

And, how you can get through this is by having faith. Faith that God, in His infinite wisdom.......will work this out....just the way it's supposed to be. I know this to be true, from experience.

The key to inner peace.....is in accepting Gods will....in having the faith to realize that He knows what is best for us....and to let go....and let Him decide how things will go.

There is a song with the lyrics, "If you really wanna see God laugh, tell him your plans." That is so amazingly true. His will...is what is going to be done, anyway.

It's a wise person who not only can learn to accept this fact, but to pray for this, as well.....that His will be done.

Trust me...I learned this all the hard way. Have faith, Sweetie.

Answer 6

Your In The UK, Shes in Canada thats millions of miles away i mean yeah if you have met her in the flesh it would be a different matter

But like long distance relationships dont work if its TO long... I mean MSN, Myspace, webcam i wouldnt really call that a relationship... Just a internet fling... you cant say you love her i mean... love is a strong word!!

I think shes pulling your leg and you are jealous maybe that is what is moving her away jealously....

Answer 7

You may have been talking to this girl online for two years, but that doesn't mean you really know her. It sounds like she's been trying to hint that she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. Especially if she's posting pictures with other guys and talking about them online. If you really want to try to salvage this 'relationship' with her, you need to be honest with her. Tell her about the disorder, and what it does to you. Ask her straight up how she feels. Just be prepared for the worst.
You should talk to a doctor about medication too. If you even consider hurting yourself, GET HELP RIGHT AWAY!

Answer 8

Forget about her, you can't have a loving relationship that far apart mate time is a great healer. Cut all ties dont contact her and get on with your life, you'l only waste valuable time on someone who honestly isn't worth it ! If she was that interested she'd care alot more than she does

be safe

Answer 9

Did you check up whether the Guy in the picture was her brother or cousin or Nursery school mate? It is very easy to get misled, and then it is too late to mend ways

Answer 10

try finding a woman in your own country, long distance relationships rarely work and sounds like she was spinning you a line all along