I dont want to have sex, it is hurting my marrige.?

Question

I started dating one of my best friends. We had that we just know feeling that we were meant to be. in the begining like the first month or so we had sex all the time. then i slowly didnt want anything to do with it. It is so bad now. We have gotten married and been together 2 years and i get so bad that i can not breath, i feel sick to my stomach and cry. I dread it!!! He is a man and has needs i know but it is not something i can help. I want to,want to, but i just dread it. We have tried some things like talking myslef through it that doesnt work. I even took extra sleeping pills so he could do it while i was asleep. But obviously he prefers me awake and involved. I dont know what to do anymore. It hurts me to know I am not satisfing him. He is supportive and somewhat understands, but he thinks it is something idont want to due but its not i ltereally cant do it and fear everytime we touch or kiss that I will have to have sex so now i tend to pull away from that too. it breaks my <3

Answer 1

I'm male 29 also married,, this would CRUSH ME if my wife felt this way!! The real question is do you not want sex at all or just not with him,, do you pleasure your self ?> then killing your sexual erg? that would be unfair! ,, It just sounds like you like more than one man, you like to mix it up?? maybe! It is hard to admit yes,, but if you don't then your being very selfish! I hope you work through this ,, even see your doctor there is stuff for women to take to increase sexually drive also! ,,One thing we do is talk about it ,, start laying down hints,, get your self worked up during the day ,, !! If you really just don't have a sexual drive at all I Really feel bad for your man! & you!!

Answer 2

Question: Do you actually have physical pain while having sex?
Or is it just a mental block where there is no pain but you simply don't want to have sex?

Have you asked yourself if you would like to have sex with a hunk? .. I mean someone you don't know i.e. if the hunk is willing? If you are happy to sleep with another person without feeling this "pain" or fury then the problem is your man. Like some have said you may not be attracted to him anymore. Since you love and care for him as a friend you don't know how to tell him. You will have to see a marriage counsellor to sort this out.

If you have physcial pain while having coetus then you should see a doctor immediately. It could be an organic problem which in most cases can be rectified by a simple surgery.

Answer 3

This is a more common problem than you think, and the unfortunate thing is, things like this can ruin a relationship if they go on long enough....

I think for women, at times, sex is more Mentally stimulating than physically stimulating, so of course they need more mental stimulation, and I think that may be where your problem is.

The plain truth of it is if you're not aroused in your head you're not going to be aorused in your body. And what may have started off as a few bad sexual experiences between you and your husband got a little blown out of proportion and now you may have built up a complex in your head that is making things worse.

The best thing you can do is relax, and above all else; don't worry, because if you two are truly in love then the sexual relationship will come back around, except this time you will appreciate it much more, it will seem much sweeter and draw you both closer together than you've been in ages.
We tend to take it for granted in the beginning when the relationship is at that very intense, passionate stage and doing it 2-3 times a day is commonplace. The fact is as relationships go on they cool down, and people sometimes get stuck in ruts.
Don't get stuck in one. DO something to make yourself feel sexy and passionate, and invite your man to do it with you. Read a romance novel, if thats your thing. Dress in sexy lingerie, do whatever it takes to get there in your head, because once you're there in your head, you'll be there in your body.

Keep your chin up, and don't lose hope. Sex is just a part of a relationship, it's not all of it. Until that next sexual cycle comes back around again, concentrate on other parts of your relationship that you love, and that make you feel good.
Good luck!

Answer 4

I see that some of the other answerers here are suggesting giving up on your marriage--but DON'T give up on it; you have made vows to be there for each other, for better or for worse, and marriage is about a whole lot more than sex, despite what many people think. That said, a healthy sex life is an important element in marriage, and you are missing something very special if you are not able to enjoy it. I suggest trying to get to the root of your feelings of dread and creating an active plan for changing the thought patterns that shape your habitual feelings and attitudes about sex. You need to know that you are beautiful, if you don't already know it. It also helps to focus on the ways you adore your husband, and to say lots of loving things to each other regularly, and to say kind, supportive, gentle, affectionate things to each other during interactions of any sort. Counselling may help, if you are comfortable with that. One book I suggest is, 'Intimate Issues', which works through lots of setbacks and questions women have about sex with their husbands. Sex is supposed to be a gift for your husband AND YOU to BOTH enjoy- - A LOT! If you are a Bible reader, try reading the Song of Solomon together. Any thoughts you can put into your head about the lovliness of marital affection and intimacy are good. You can do it! Good luck!

Answer 5

sex isnt a need

otherwise my gf would have died by now because she is very unhappy about the fact that i just cant do it with her anymore.

ya know, i know im really no catch myself and i fell lucky to have her but something happened, somewhere along the line it just got fewer and farther between and now i just cant do it with her anymore.

we had a lot of arguements and my whole attitude towards women is suffering, i rarely even think a woman is attractive anymore at all.

the things women post on here usually dont help at all

and the majority of the women i was recently working with was the most unattractive group of women ever. whiny, incompetent, unreliable and butt ugly.

dont get me wrong i realize im still talking about a handful of women among the many great ones out there but something has changed.

at first i blamed my hormones and everything else but i assure you that im in good working order. i was so mad at myself for making my gf feel like i didnt wanna have sex with her that i almost wasnt even sure anymore.

i am a 35 year old guy who probably would be doing it daily in a different situation and because i am always so sex starved myself i would start rubbing on her in my sleep and it was heartbreaking to hear her say "you want to do it when your asleep and thinking of someone else, but once you wake up i can tell you cant stand the thought of me"

so i too attempt to keep myself asleep with the help of various pills

honestly i do feel terrible, and rightfully so, but i tell you this...

i seriously doubt we are ever going to do it again and i say that after probably a years break since the last time.

Answer 6

Think of how everything you just said in that paragraph were the other way around. Thta he felt sick to his stomach, that he tends to pull away from you, that he cries, he can't even talk himself through it to be "intimate" with you. Don't look at it as just having "sex".. he's your best friend... your partner in life... it's *intimacy*... it's something only the two of you share with each other. Don't give him a reason to feel neglected when you love him so much. You Should Love It ... Maybe, instead of telling him it makes you sick to your stomach, try to figure out What it is you don't like... do you Not like giving head... is he not big enough that it just does nothing for you... find that out first

Answer 7

Yes, definitely. As a Christian, it is your duty to learn about the doctrines you are required to believe in. Regardless of one's sexual orientation, having premarital (before marriage) sex is a sin. Virginity is a special thing, a special state of being. Just like having your tonsils removed, it's something that will be lost forever. This is why sex before marriage is a sin. Love is patient, kind, and waits on this sort of thing. If you think you've really found your soulmate, take it nice and slow. If you discern that he really is the right man for you, go through with marriage. When you get married, you're morally free to reproduce. Worst case scenario, suppose you do have sex with this man and then he dumps you and begins dating someone else and has sex with them. Then you end up being used. Or you may end up pregnant. Think of the kind of lifestyle your potential child will have to live. Children are a blessing, but your life will change drastically. I know many single mothers who spend their lives struggling to make ends meet and to simply be there to support their children. It is simply very hard. Think about it long and hard. I hope you come to the same conclusion that I have -- it's just not worth it. If you wait and pray about it while remaining hopeful and patient, the right man will come your way. God doesn't ignore anyone; sometimes we just ignore HIM. Hope this helps and best of luck with your relationship!

Answer 8

Do you want sex? I mean, do you get aroused and want to fulfill yourself? Do you masterbate or long for someone other then your husband? If you say yes, then you shouldn't be married to him. If you say no, you just don't have a sex drive at all and it isn't him it is just sex in general that turns you off, then you may want to go see a doctor. You could have a health issue that needs to be resolved. Sexual disfunction is more common than you may think.

Eventually your husband is going to fulfill those needs. With something other than himself. I am friends with a couple or two that has these sort of sex issues in their marriages and ALL of the ones who are neglected in that department find fulfillment elsewhere. You should take care of this problem before you are put in that situation.

Answer 9

You have a serious problem. Dreading sex like that is not normal behavior. This could drive your marriage apart, many men would have been gone by now, he must truly love you! The best advise I can give is to talk to a psychiatrist to find out why you dread sex so much and how you can better yourself.

Answer 10

oh my goodness, this is troubling. but u not that clear on why its so dreadful, or don't u know that either??

If it doesn't hurt physically, i would say u have to go to a sex therapist with ur hubby or psychiatrist. There maybe a memory blocked within yourself connected to sex that u just cant remember.

U need to seek help now, because making love to a "corpse", will be dreadful to ur husband, & u will be emotionally detoriating by the miniute, which may result in a failed marriage. Seek help now