I CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO NOW. I RECENTLY HAVE HAD FEELINGS OF DOING IT AGAIN. I KEEP FIGHTING THESE FEELINGS, BUT THE THOUGHT IS ALWAYS THERE. I WANT OUR MARRIAGE TO WORK AND LAST, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO FIGHT THE URGE. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 6 YEARS AND OUR MARRIAGE HAS BEEN FAIRLY GOOD. HE HAS FORGIVEN ME FOR CHEATING THE FIRST TIME BUT I DOUBT HE WILL FORGIVE AGAIN. I AM NOT SURE WHY I FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE AN AFFAIR. OUR SEX LIFE IS OK, IT COULD BE BETTER BUT HE WORKS ALOT. SO I TRY NOT TO COMPLAIN. BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE WITHOUT JUDGEMENT I WOULD SURE APPRECIATE IT. THANKS!
2007-03-06 16:59:11 · 9 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe it's not the sex that is missing.
Unlike most responders on YA, I cannot pretend that I know all the answers. But the urge exists for some reason. Sex. Adventure. Connection. Try to ponder what underlying motivations may be present.
2007-03-06 17:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by Danna 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Instead of focusing on having an affair try focusing on your relationship with your husband. If sex is OK then try to make it better. If you have children try to be the best mother to them. Cheating on your husband will hurt the kids as well. Try doing the things you did like writing little love notes and leaving them for him. Try to do your best to salvage the relationship you are in. You can lose everything if you decide to do it again. You need to ask yourself why you are having these feelings. Maybe you are missing something out of the marriage. You need to talk to your spouse and tell him how you feel. Do not tell him you are wanting to cheat just tell him your wants and your needs. You could have an affair with the wrong man who could have a STD and you can pass that on down to your husband. Did you know 1 out of 5 people have an std. Mostly herpes and that you can never get rid of. You must of married your husband for some reason think of the good in him and why you married him. I say do not have an affair have fun with your marriage you will regret having an affair. Good luck
2007-03-06 17:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide which is more important to you: your marriage (your husband) or your own ego. A lot of the urge to cheat is because you want to feel like you're desirable again (I've done it, so I know... not too happy about that) and not stuck with one man for the rest of your life.
This is not an easy decision, and there's something in your life that's missing if you're beginning to look outside of your marriage for stimulation. For me, it was because I was bored and felt like my husband didn't see ME anymore. It wouldn't be a bad idea to talk with your husband about this--without bringing up the fact that your eye has been wanting to wander again.
2007-03-06 17:13:42 · answer #3 · answered by shoujomaniac101 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You key in on some of your problem with saying our sex life is okay, but...... and the fact that he works alot. It shows that hasn't been fairly good if you 've had one affair and are now thinking of repeating that mistake. My wife and I didn't just have "okay" intimacy. We put enough effort and creativity into it to make sure we both had that sky rockets going off, peeling off the ceiling, furniture rocking, and heart melting intimacy whenever we decided to share those special moments. She even managed to find enjoyment going through chemo treatments. She died after 16 wonderful years of marriage and told me in her final days that she would miss making love to me more than anything. That's one thing you need to change. Look at it not as sex, but as making love to your husband. Sex takes a few minutes, making love can last for a couple of hours. You also need to talk to your husband about cutting back some work hours if possible. Tell him you want to start setting aside a night for some romance and you are planning a few surprises for him. You'd probably be surprised at a difference in your relationship. Romance tends to light a pretty good fire for both of you.
2007-03-06 17:25:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think seeking therapy would be the first step. There is must unresolved issues in your marriage for you to want to cheat again.
I believe spicing up a marriage is a good step also. That way the forcus can be back your husband and not on these other men.
Good luck!
2007-03-06 17:16:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you need to be honest with your self and fiqure why
you cheated the first time. then you may see why you feel the
'same thing now. there something that your husband is not
giving you . and you need to find out why you feel this way
other wise you will cheat again. talk to someone so that
you can deal with what going on., there a reason that you
feel this way.,
2007-03-06 17:12:24 · answer #6 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it really an urge to cheat or an urge to sabotage whats good in your life. It might be that you feel unworthy of being in a marriage thats working, so you want to ruin it, and its just placing that urge between your legs.
2007-03-06 20:35:31 · answer #7 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ya get a DIVORCE so you wont be having affairs.
Then get your self some therapy..
2007-03-06 18:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U fantasize when u have sex with him.
2007-03-06 17:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋