Why can't I stop being scared to die?

Question

I want to die, but I'm too scared. Why? I don't think anything happens after death, just annihilation, so it's either now or later. How can I prepare for this and stop being so scared? By the way, I'm newly crippled, so that's why. And just answer the question please. Don't try to tell me all there is to live for, or about Jesus, or any of that. Just help me get past this obstacle. How can I prepare my mind and overcome the fear?

Answer 1

Life has dealt you a seriously bad blow by crippling you. Although I cannot say I have suffered such a permanent situation as you, I had my own problems, too. At one point I thought about ending it at one time because life was so bad, but I just could not do to my children what husband did to me.

I know how hard it is when your life is drastically altered thoughts have a live of their own. It really feels as if you are trapped and it seems worse by the hour. I have known other people who have lost their legs, and on one case, a young man who became paraplegic. These people are dear friends and I was with a them as they adjusted to their new lives.

One went from being a vital strong man to quadriplegic when his gold mine collapsed in on him. A crossbeam snapped his spine and did other damage. He too wanted to die for the longest time after his accident. That was 7 years ago. Today, he is still a quadriplegic with 11 children and he teaches economics in a university. It CAN be done. Because he lost all usage of his body below the neck the last child was a bit of a scientific and miracle baby. He is known by his huge family and village as “ G____ the Brave”. I saw his weaknesses but mostly I was awed by his bravery.

How did he pull through? Strong family support was a major part of it. For awhile he just lay in bed and smoked his brains out. But then his active brain could take no more and he dug deep inside to find the will to pull through. He is a devout Muslim and in his religion gave him strength. He was also surrounded by love so thick you could almost see it. But no one coddled him.

Although he spent months flat on his back, the fact that he was surrounded by the vitality of his adoring children helped him. His brother created a voice-activated computer for him. Within 4 years he was teaching. It was a big jump from running a chocolate factory but he had to adjust.

Another man I know was tortured by Saddam's troops. He came to us legless, toothless, and, well, the rest was obscene. The loss of his legs was the easiest of all for him to deal with. They were amputated at the hip. He even made jokes about how he would have to do the sex act in humor, despite his pain.

A few months after his body was as healed as possible, he was found a bride who was thrilled to marry him. His health is still fragile but that did not stop him. He busied himself learning English and passed the tests necessary to get his medical degree in his new country. Four years later he has two wives, several children and a thriving practice. His patients love him for compassion and gentle ways.

Why am I telling you this stuff? Just so you see, it can be done! Normal people can dig deep inside and find what is needed. I know how it can seem that there is nothing left but a way out. Believe me, this can pass, my friend. In time you will feel better. Now you are recuperating from a life altering shock. It is time to to adjust and remake your life. Find things that bring you joy. Listen to upbeat music. Go for the classical and the spiritually enlightening music. Forget the blues or hip hop or gangsta. Get out of the house and out of yourself. You do not say the type of crippling you have suffered. I am assuming you are not housebound.

It may sound corny but, if you are thinking of suicide, you MUST find an outlet. Go to your local minister or pastor TOMORROW. His job is to help souls in torment and you definitely qualify. You need help NOW. See your doctor. Perhaps you require an anti depressant until you are over this hump. Perhaps this might help. But SPEAK TO HIM. Tell him what is happening with you. Omit no details. Go in to see him soon. Say it is an emergency and be firm. Mention you are contemplating suicide and they will have you in quickly. There is no stigma in anti depressants. Until you can find peace in your heart and soul, no words from anyone else can make much of a difference. Peace is an elusive quality when we are struggling and in fear.

Give yourself credit. I do not know what you have been through, but you have come out on the other side. You sound young and otherwise healthy. Make the losses you have suffered count a wee bit. Keep the knowledge that you are strong, strong enough to come out on the other side of whatever happened to you. Dig deep inside and find that strength again. Just knowing that you are capable of facing such horrors is something to take pride in. Find that strength, and with help, you will improve.

Get out into the world again. It may seem awkward at first, but within a very short time you will be used to the challenges of getting around. Instead of moping, find something to do. Spring is upon us very soon, that is a time when life speeds up and much healing takes place.

We have never met, my friend, but I do care that you take care of yourself and get your life in order.

Answer 2

Because you don't really want to die. You are upset about your condition (I'm sorry to hear about your recent handicap that must be very difficult) and want to give up but deep down you are still a survivor & you want to live.

You will get through this. We all have obstacles & tragedies in life. Sometimes they're so horrible that we don't want to go on. But we survive and life gets better.

Don't give up. Death is not the end. There is an afterlife. There is a debate over whether suicides go to Heaven or Hell. I think they may go to a sort of Purgatory. The bottom line is, we are not meant to take our own lives. You are in this world for a reason & you do not have the right to make an exit until it's your time. Deep down you know it would be wrong to take your life so of course you're afraid. Listen to your conscience. It's telling you to live. Your life is valuable.

I wish you the best.

Hopefully you will not pass away until you are very very old & then you will go peacefully in your sleep & you won't be afraid because it will be the end of a long & fulfilling life & you will know that you are going to Heaven.

Don't be too scared to live. Life is a gift. Even though it can be hard sometimes, it can be tragic & ugly & cruel & unfair at the worst of times. It can also be beautiful & joyful & wonderful at the best of times. Just give yourself time to live out your life as you are meant to. See where the journey takes you. You are the author of your life. Don't end the book too soon! It's not the end. See what the next chapter holds. Let it end naturally as it should.

Talk to someone about your feelings. You would be surprised to find that you are not alone. Many people are suffering & scared & hurting & wanting to give up. Don't give up!

I am not going to tell you not to fear death! Of course death is scary. It is the unknown. Also, if you bring it on before its time then you have committed a terrible wrong against yourself, against everyone that knows you, against life & nature itself. Who knows what the consequences of such a wrong might be? When it is your time to go you will not be so scared. Death is a sad but necessary part of the life cycle. And it is not the end. When our physical body dies, our souls still live on. You are not your body, you are your soul.

Take care.

Answer 3

Try to learn what skills you need to cope with a disabling condition. And, plan how to attain some reasonable objectives like care for yourself, get a job, volunteer your skills that you still have, write about your life experience, etc.

Get busy and do something ; don't sit there and worry about dying. We are all in the trenches of life struggling to live to fight another day. Follow the example of many good warriors - carry the load that you can, support and protect your buddies, and if necessary go down fighting for a good cause. It's not glamorous but it's the best we can do.

The implication here is that in focusing on being alive and in some way contributing you will have satisfaction in in the small - or perhaps large - things you accomplish.
The thing that we really fear about death is having lived a wasted life. We may think that God or others are the judge of the worthiness of our life - and they certainly will be, but that's their business. However, in order to peacefully face death it is really we ourselves whom we must convince of our having lived successfully, fought the good fight, done our duty.
If you know that you have lived an effective and useful life then death can be acceptable when it is inevitable.

Remember, None of us are going to get out this alive ; be prepared ; dream, believe, and work while you can.

Answer 4

Because you don't really want to die. You are upset about your condition (I'm sorry to hear about your recent handicap that must be very difficult) and want to give up but deep down you are still a survivor & you want to live. You will get through this. We all have obstacles & tragedies in life. Sometimes they're so horrible that we don't want to go on. But we survive and life gets better. Don't give up. Death is not the end. There is an afterlife. There is a debate over whether suicides go to Heaven or Hell. I think they may go to a sort of Purgatory. The bottom line is, we are not meant to take our own lives. You are in this world for a reason & you do not have the right to make an exit until it's your time. Deep down you know it would be wrong to take your life so of course you're afraid. Listen to your conscience. It's telling you to live. Your life is valuable. I wish you the best. Hopefully you will not pass away until you are very very old & then you will go peacefully in your sleep & you won't be afraid because it will be the end of a long & fulfilling life & you will know that you are going to Heaven. Don't be too scared to live. Life is a gift. Even though it can be hard sometimes, it can be tragic & ugly & cruel & unfair at the worst of times. It can also be beautiful & joyful & wonderful at the best of times. Just give yourself time to live out your life as you are meant to. See where the journey takes you. You are the author of your life. Don't end the book too soon! It's not the end. See what the next chapter holds. Let it end naturally as it should. Talk to someone about your feelings. You would be surprised to find that you are not alone. Many people are suffering & scared & hurting & wanting to give up. Don't give up! I am not going to tell you not to fear death! Of course death is scary. It is the unknown. Also, if you bring it on before its time then you have committed a terrible wrong against yourself, against everyone that knows you, against life & nature itself. Who knows what the consequences of such a wrong might be? When it is your time to go you will not be so scared. Death is a sad but necessary part of the life cycle. And it is not the end. When our physical body dies, our souls still live on. You are not your body, you are your soul. Take care.

Answer 5

maybe you're just in your trauma state...do not worry so much...besides, you must be thankful to God that you survive in your accident(if you've been in an accident). It meant that God still has a purpose why He let you live. Remove your fears and move on....being crippled was really stressful but you should accept it...it's over....now, do things you would enjoy....
whether you like it or not, death would surely come. The important is, you should be prepared in facing it. Now, the question is," if you were going to die today, are you you 100% sure that you would go to Heaven?"
if you're sure of heaven, you don't have to fear cause' as soon as you open your eyes,,,the first person you will see would be your Savior......
but if not,,,,,,,
then......,,,,,
you should really fear........
if you have questions, just email me...

Answer 6

Why. You have the answered the question yourself. You are afraid to die for one of two reasons.
1. Because you believe that you will cease to exist after you die, and you do not like that idea.
2. Because you think you will cease to exist after you die, and you are uncertain if you are correct. You doubt your own materialism (denial of the existence of the soul), perhaps there is some part of you that wonders if indeed there is indeed Heaven and Hell, or reincarnation etc.

Beyond that, suicide (if I am correct in thinking that is what you are contemplating) is irrational, wrong in essence, and a sin against nature (to exclude all religious arguments). You are alive for some purpose, whether you believe it is religious (to please God) or simply biological (to reproduce). That might be better stated as "your life has a purpose."

If you are able to overcome the fear of death, it will be because you deny your own reason. It will be because you love your own happiness more than your life. It will be because you reject your existence and use your reason against itself. I cannot understand the straits you are in, so I will not tell you what you have to live for.

However, I can say that you should not seek death because you exist. You must value something in this world more than you value perpetual non-existence (or whatever outcome may await you) or else you would not have needed to contemplate suicide you would simply have done it reflexively. If indeed you will cease to exist--contemplate the gravity of what that means--why not enjoy what little you can of existence, because non-existence is perpetual.

Answer 7

It's normal to be afraid of death, for the unknown is always terrifying. Don't worry, you're not alone in your problem. You and I, together with millions of people, are afraid to die. And since you don't want to hear anything about religion and such, i'll ease your misery a bit and won't talk about it. Just always remember that there are people who live for you, who'd give anything to help you and, in case you die, would hold your hand up to your last breath. I'm not saying that you should commit suicide or what, what i'm saying is there's no reason to be afraid, for you'd never be alone.

Answer 8

im so sorry that you have become crippled. however, the mere fact that you are scared to die, is a great indication that you really don't want to. it's sounds like you are suggesting that you would like to commit suicide, but are scared to. i don't know you, but having been there done that, can i suggest that you reach out to someone, anyone that you trust or is somewhat close to you, and tell them how you are feeling. it is pretty normal that someone in your predicament would be going through this, but, come on, your here, your alive, your thinking, you can talk, you can see, you can hear. you can reach out for help if you chose to. i hope that will you will think about that. you can rise above.

Answer 9

I Suppose the best way to help is you is to site thoreau. " Death Is Fair." Alot of the fear comes from a subconcoius feeling of being alone when doing, also a non remeberance. Everyone goes through it, also the finalitiy of it. Of course i can't speak for you, but i can tell you that everyone goes through it. Friend I wish you luck with your decision.

Answer 10

I don't want my answer to be selected as 'Best Answer' for the first time. I don't know why, but I will never try telling someone that it is too easy to overcome the fear.
I want you to live, live for the one you're surrounded. Live for me. I want you to keep questioning. So what you're crippled, I am - since birth. I'm living, never thought of death. Why are you being Kurt Cobain man.......

Answer 11

You're are scared to die because you do not know the meaning of life, but if you knew the meaning of life, then you would not want to die. You say there is no meaning in life, but yet you are asking for a meaningful explanation that will provide you with the motivation to die. If you find a meaningful explanation to die rather than live you are just going to increase your fear to die because you are going to want to attain more meaning which you are inevitable finding in life. If there is no meaning in life, I find it contradictory that we find it sufficient to look for it in death...don't you?