i want to know about married life.my life is not going well?

Question

my husband doesnot take interest in me from initial stage.my in-laws said he was not interested in marriage with me.now relations are so worst.we have only mother-in-law with us.father-in-law is expired.my husband is very possessive about my mother-in-law .he want to sleep in the bedroom of my mother .i think he is feeling that his mother is lonely.he doesnot share anything with me .he doesnot want to talk with me without his mother.tell me what should i do.

Answer 1

What? Why did he marry you in the first place if he don't need you? A maid/servant for the family? You should seriously try to talk to him and ask him about this as it will affect you.

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear this. You must be feeling terribly awful right now.

First, you must find a way you can leave this marriage. It is clear your husband never wanted to marry you. Problems will only get worse if you remain.

Are you in your country legally? Did you marry so you could get a green card and enter into a country? Some of these details are missing, so I cannot respond accurately to your problem.

If you could give more information regarding your culture and your country, then it would be very helpful. This sounds like an arranged marriage? If so, where are your parents currently? Are they people you could possibly turn to for help? Or are they expecting you to handle this plight all by yourself?

Please provide more details so I can respond. Good luck!

Answer 3

Its really bad wht you are going thro. Are you close with your mother in law.. if so then talk with her about this.If she takes your side it will be good and she might tell your husband to talk with you or one day you can just call him out for lunch or dinner and talk about it or when no body is at home. I think communication is the best way to sort things out. Always sit and talk.. ask him if he was in love with someone else before marriage and is not able to forget her or anything ... give him some more time if he wants to but be sure you are not let alone.

Answer 4

I second what Pathfinder said.

I believe yours was an arranged marriage. If so, it will take time to start loving each other. Maybe the reason he wants to sleep in his mother's bedroom is just an excuse for him not to be in the same bedroom as you. It just shows that he is not comfortable with you. You need to show him that you love him.

Do not take any advice if it is given only for you. But take any advice given for both of you together. Every successful marriage has a lot of hard work put into it by both partners. In your case, you may have to take the first step to show him that you care about him and his mother. Take the many opportunities you have in your married life to show that you care for both of them.

You need to work on it. Love your husband and your mother in law. Another reason maybe that he wants to give his mother moral support. Once they understand that you love them, everything will work out perfectly. Your mother in law will help him come to you. And he will come to you once he feels confident that you love his mother and will take care of her. Any man who loves his mother will be a perfect husband to his wife.

Find out if he has any inferiority complex with you and try to remove that from his mind.

There is nothing impossible with the human mind and everything is possible with love. You need to sacrifice a lot of time, patience and forget about yourself until this goal is achieved.

It is very easy to break a marriage and there will be many to laugh at you. It is very hard to make a marriage work. Everyone may not say that they appreciate you but you will be at peace with life. You cannot stay alone for the rest of your life. Do some hard work now and enjoy later.

All the best.

Answer 5

Sorry to tell you this, but your situation does not sound good. Why would he want to sleep in the room with his mother and not you? Can she go live with anyone else?
My husband didn't take any interest in me and he tried to control me. I finally got tired of it and left. We are back together and are working on our relationship. He seems like a totally different person. I found he true feeling for me once I was gone. We have been together for 15 years. I'm not in love with him, but I am willing to try one more time.
Leave and if he comes back things may work out for the best.

Answer 6

first talk to your husband about it what he wants . talk to him directly , not through your mom in law . dont trust anybody . Then if he has some logic answers try supporting him and if he is into relationship with any girl , get the sympathy of your community head people and take a divorce with good compensation . it wont get yours years back but will make your future a little easier . Money is important

Answer 7

Communicate with your mother in law. She is the best person who can guide you into the heart of her son. If she does not co-operate, talk to your husband and make him realize the unjust treament he is inducing over to you.

BTW, did he ever make love to you? Did you find him a bit uncanny while making love? Cos if that's true, then, I'm afraid that he is involved with someone else, or maybe suffering from some biological or psychological disorder.

All the best...

:-)

Answer 8

He has a real problem. You are his wife and you come first. It is a good thing that a son care about his mother but not to the point were he has a Oedipus complex. You should to talk to him about this issue, that it is totally abnormal behavior. Talk to him and tell him to take his mother for counseling if she's depressed for the loss of her husband. And your husband need to go too in order to straighten this absurd situation. If he's reluctant to get help, my dear, you have to face very soon a decision in your life. You deserve to be loved and that he pays attention to you as a wife. God bless you and I hope that everything goes for the best.

Answer 9

I bet when you two were dating you did alot to accomodate this fella!! If so this is why you are now finding yourself unsatisfied!! Sounds like you wanted something so bad you compromised your happiness! This relationship your husband has with his mother sounds a little, well, unhealthy!! Try Counseling!! You two really need help!! If he refuses, then you may want to go alone just to get through this!! Best of Luck!!

Answer 10

Well dear everything depends on your decision. What you want to do? Do you love him? Do you want to stay with him or you want to leave him?
If you want to leave him, u can simply take a divorce & you are free....BUT.....

If you love him & you feel you can't live without him than let us try these solutions which might make a difference:

** Maintain a loving, caring & calm attitude. Never show them (Husband & mom) that you are sad, angry or disturbed. Show them that you care. Make your husband feel that whatever the situation is you are always with him. Give him a helping hand. Make him feel that he is your world & you can't imagine life without him. Always try to be with him & give him a helping hand & tell him that whatever you are doing for him & his mother is not a favor, it’s your responsibility.

Regarding his mother, first of all try to find out why he wants to sleep with her? Is it because she is alone? Or is it because she is not well? Or any other reason?
In my opinion, your husband is very much attached to his mother. He loves her so much that he wants to be with her always to ensure that she is doing well. Now your role is very important here. You have to take care of your mother-in-law too. Show her that you do care about her, you respect her, and you love her. Make some changes in your attitude. Let him realize that you love his mother as if she is yours mother. Perhaps he realizes how much you are doing for him? & why you are doing? (simply because u love him)

Keep patience by a way or other you will get the way to his heart. Simply what I want to tell you is make your husband feel that you have no problem with him or his mother. Try to do the maximum work for him such as: cooking, taking care of his belongings....etc In other words, involve yourself in each & every task that belongs to him. I bet that if you are away for just a day he will keep missing you the whole day & that’s the start of love.

Life is very short dear. Give the maximum love so that you can get a maximum return. And believe me Love never fails. Show your love & care to make a place in their heart. Once you fullfill his needs he will think of yours & you will achieve your goals.
Best of luck Dear...
God bless you :-)

Answer 11

You have to deal with yourself before you can deal with him. If the things he is doing is making you unhappy and making you feel bad, then you have to love yourself enough to make a change. Whether that means leaving, giving him an ultimatum, going to counseling, or whatever, but just a change. I'm not quick to say divorce. You can't be true to your husband until you are true to yourself.