How do I leave my wife when I love her?

Question

My civil union partner and I have been together for five years. I love her. She had an affair on me 3 years ago and I forgave her. She has found this person again on myspace and has been speaking back and forth online, but lies to me about it. On top of everything else, her son's father is back in the picture. I have been a parent to her son since he was 3 years old, and now the father comes, but he's talking more about their past relationship than his relationship/support of his son. I love my partner, but I feel like her loyalty and love does not equal mine and I am not strong enough to leave. We are currently in counseling, but it's not helping.

Answer 1

It takes two. If only one person is willing to make this work, it wont work. so, the question is.. How do I leave my wife when I love her? When you had enough you will leave. If you can't leave her yet, there is too much love for her yet. Only you will know when its time to go. good Luck!!

Answer 2

Why are you not strong enough to leave? I would dump her in a New York minute. She has cheated on you and she's lieing to you, and you say that counseling isn't helping. What does your counselor suggest? I understand that you may want to continue to see the child, but that will be up to her unfortunately, but if she has an ounce of morals, which it doesn't sound like she hast too much more than that if any, she will let you stay in her childs life, since it sounds like the "Dad" isn't really interested yet in being a Dad, your girlfriend is just too dumb to see that he's just using her too, cause if he don't even act interested in seeing his own flesh and blood, then he's definitely not a stand up guy, just another loser. Get out now before she brings you down any further!

Answer 3

i'm guessing you're a woman... "partner" and "civil union partner" are not hetero terms

but whatever the case, you knew she had baggage, and a past. you made a commitment. stand by it. remember, you made your bed already when you forgave the cheating. she's probably lying about the chatting thing because of your reaction to it.

i had an ex that always yelled that i wasn't honest enough. then when i told the whole truth, he'd totally lose it. so, where's the motivation to tell the truth?

my son's father still flirts with me and hits on me... my husband trusts me and has the faith in me to do the right thing... you should too. my husband loves me much more than i love him... but he accepts that because he knew i had baggage and a past. he took me part and parcel. you need to understand that her ability to commit and emote are going to be dulled and blunted compared to yours

wait for her to say "no more"

maybe she just regrets crossing over. maybe wants to go back to the way she was.. maybe this is just a phase... maybe you were the phase....

whatever the case... wait it out

Answer 4

She had an affair, and you forgave her, that's good, but what about you, I know you are hurting, I have been there, my wife had an affair and left me for another man, I was nt strong enough either, I got my strenght from above, I gave my heart to Jesus, I have overcome that pain, I am single now for almost 3 years, my friend Jesus is the answer, only He can take your pain away, and give you the strenght......the bible does say if your partner is unfaithful, that you may divorce.....Jesus loves you

Answer 5

You said "I feel like her loyalty and love does not equal mine". Why settle for less? Obviously she doesn't respect you, so stop giving her the opportunity to treat you poorly.

This is about your own self-respect. It's time to move on, eventually you will find someone compatible who will care and nurture you, and you will respond in kind.

Somewhere along the way, the pattern was set as to how she could treat you. It's too late to change that perception. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry you are having this problem. It's hard enough to leave when you don't love the person but when you do..... She cheated on you before and she's lying to you again. You can't trust her. Maybe it would help her to appreciate you more if you leave her for awhile. Then who's going to support her and the child? Let her have her old flame and her ex. Let's see how much they want her when they have to be responsible for her. I suggest you not allow yourself to be a doormat.

Answer 7

u have to look at the facts, accept them, get angry at the circumstances. don't let her do this to u, as its obvious she is playing u for the fool. bad does happen to us, we may never know why, but how we deal with it counts. we can stay in the marriage, and keep getting the same old hurt, or we can leave it and be hurt, but the hurt won't go on forever. there are just too many distractions in your marriage to make it what it's suppose to be. if her heart isn't in it, u have to leave it for your own sanity and well being. i would rather get hurt and leave and keep my dignity than have to endure constant betrayal, and disrespect from someone who is suppose to love me.accept the truth, it is going to hurt, but the pain is what will get u motivated to get out of this.

Answer 8

People are always growing and changing and some time their love change as well...If you don't remember anything else remember this ...You can not make some one love you!

Let it go... as the old saying goes " there are more fish in the Sea!

Answer 9

i think you love her, but it sounds like she may not love you anymore. you sound nice enough and could probably find someone who won't take you for granted. it may be hard to leave, but time heals all wounds no matter how deep. good luck.

Answer 10

yea, you got someone that was damaged and now you get to suffer for it, you should have left 3 years ago when she cheated on you