I need someone to talk to...?

Question

I was just approached about an hour ago by an old guy in a grocery store. He was drunk and started talking to me about how pretty I was and how he wanted to take me to bed. I was frozen I didn't know what to do. His comments were very very vulgar towards me and i was in shock. He told me that he wanted to put his thing inside me and about 20 minutes worth of comments like that. Eventually I just got him to leave me alone and then just left my cart and went home. I'm so confuzed and feel really disgusted. Why did I sit there and listen to it? Why didn't I do something? Why didn't the people around do something or at least ask if I was okay? I really just need to know what I should do and feel? I've been bawling since and just need someone to talk to. My boyfriend won't be home for a while. Please don't make fun of me I really need someone to talk to. Am I making too big of a deal? He didn't physically harm me or try anything, but I still can't stop crying. Please help.

I should probably add that when I was 7 years old, an old man flashed his penis at me while I was in my bathing suit. This kind of brought that back.

Answer 1

You were just in shock and it was so totally unexpected
you didn't know how to deal with it. The average person
dosen't like confrontations, still someone should have told him to back off. The fault was that old drunk, not yours. You could still
call the police and tell them about it. They might pick him up.

Answer 2

You began the question by saying 'I need someone to talk to' and you're right! This is an appalling thing to happen (I speak from personal experience) and, given the fact that you were accosted when you were a child, I think there is some emotioanl scarring in there which you will need to deal with.

First of all, you must report this person I don't know how old you are but you do sound quite young and I know that in the UK this matter would be taken seriously by the police. Next, you should make use of their Counselling service - I know you weren't physically raped but your crying indicates that you have been seriously disturbed by this old man's behaviour. There is no way that you should deal with this on your own. Do not feel guilty for having listened to him for 20 mins (and I bet it was only 3, though probably felt much longer as that's the way time works when you are experiencing a traumatic situation).

Please don't ignore my advice as I have seen what can happen to a person's confidence after such an experience, if it is not properly handled. Call the police and talk to them - they will support you.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you head to deal with the disgusting old Bast***
There's not a great way to deal with these situations, for one thing he caught you off guard, and he scared you! I mean really...WHO acts/talks like that?! Don't beat yourself up for how you dealt with the situation, should you yell and make a big scene which would embarass YOU more than him, do you slug the scumbag..again making a big scene?! You dealt with this thing with dignity and that's hard to do when a low-life is trying to strip you of any dignity you have. You did JUST fine, you didn't elevate the situation by freaking out..who knows WHAT the sicko would have done! Just keep telling yourself...you are safe! You're ok! Take a hot bath, Wrap up in a cuddly soft blanket, and pamper yourself a little...treat yourself like you would a good friend that just went through a nasty situation. You BF will be home soon and your in a safe place. Don't let this idiot DRUNK put a dent in your outlook, he's SO not worth it.
Good job keeping yourself safe!!!!!!

Answer 4

You're probably just in shock and feeling a little nervous about the situation. Sometimes when someone is really inappropriate to you and the people around you are not responding, it can make you feel like you're left hanging. Since you obviously havent been exposed to anyone saying like that to you before that was a complete stranger you just got alittle freaked out.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, i am sure it was uncomfortable but just try and calm down and find peace in that he didnt get physical with you or anything. By tomorrow, you'll be okay, i think :)

Answer 5

You have every right to feel bad. That's a horrible thing to go through. Some people are such jerks. If it were to ever happen again go straight to management and tell them what's happened. Ask for someone to walk you to your car. Know that he's the jerk, and this has no reflection on you. It was not your fault at all. You had no responsibility in it happening. I hope you will get past this and not let it affect you and your relationships. Hang in there. Have a cup of hot tea, put on some soothing music, and go take a nice long hot bubble bath.......and try to relax and think about more pleasant things.

Answer 6

You poor thing, you probably stood there because you were frozen with fear. I would've told the manager or a security guard about what he was saying to you, you probably aren't the first person that he has said that too. It is a fact that people stand by and watch even when they know it isn't right as they are either too lazy or too scared to get involved. You ar eupset because you reallycan't believe that someone would talk to you in such a manner. If i were you i would ring the police, yeah he didn't physically harm you but emotionally yes he did. Please don't think this was in anyway your fault. I really think you should report this man and his behaviour to the police there has to be something done to prevent a repeat of his actions. I hope you feel better soon, cheer up.

Answer 7

I am so sorry. I hope that old pervert rots. I think when something like that happens we are in such denial that something like that could be actually happening we don't know what do to. I think we freeze up. I don't know why someone didn't come to your aid. i am sorry about that. I have the type of personality that I am sort of aggressive so I might have attacked him. I bet that would have been ok with you.huh.I would try to block it out there are a lot of creeps out there and just hope he gets what is coming to him. You might want to call the management at the store and alert them and even the police . I sure the store doesn' t want someone like that hanging around and the police just in case he is a danger. Take a nice bath and treat yourself special for the next few days. My prayers are with you.

Answer 8

This old pervert was wrong for doing that to you. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Even though, physically you weren't harmed, mentally what he did hurt you pretty bad. Don't be so hard on yourself for not saying anything. You were shocked/astonished that someone would say things like that. Some people are so unbelievable. Once, my husband and I were on our first trip together and we stopped at a rest area. I was on the payphone and I look up and this guy is parked in a car about 5-6 feet from me. He had this really strange look in his eyes that sort of creeped me out! I was starting to get a little worried because my husband hadn't gotten out of the car yet. he had no idea that i was worried. I started talking on the phone trying to avoid eye contact with this guy anymore hoping he would just pull off and I look up and you'll never guess what i saw. He had his thing out playing with it right there in the middle of the day. he was staring at me and playing with it. It was so creepy. My husband walked up right after i noticed that and he saw my face looking at this guy so he turned and as soon as he did, the guy put it in his pants and pulled off real fast! I felt so grossed out. Like I had been raped, even though he hadn't touched me so I know exactly that feeling that you have. Some nasty men just like to intimidate you which is so disgusting. Try not to think to much of it and know that you did nothing wrong. Why nobody else said anything for you? They were probablly just as shocked as you.... And who would make fun of you for something like that? No way. you did nothing wrong honey. Please remember that. Can you call your mom, sister, friend? Good luck honey.

Answer 9

I'm sorry that this happened to you. You are very lucky that you were in a public place with people around, it probably prevented him from putting his hands on you. Drunk or not he acted inappropriately. If this ever happens to you again, leave you cart and go to customer service and ask that they get the manager and call the police.

As for the people around you, unfortunately most people do not want to get involved. Especially since it was verbal and not physical. Get a hot cup of tea, cuddle under a blanket and wait for your guy to get home.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry honey, for this unfortunate event. I think you didn't know what to do because that is just very random. You are not making a big deal about this. That dumb*** should'nt have said those hurtful words to you. I think you can't stop crying because you are in shock and can't believe it happened to you. I would be reacting the same if I were you. You didn't do something because you didn't know what to do, which isn't a bad thing. That old fart hurt you emotionally, even though he didn't try anything with you, his words managed to rape your soul because they were cruel and hurtful. I pray to God and ask him for you to get better.