How do you know if your 12 year old is telling the truth about inappropiate touching with friend of family?

Question

I have a male friend who has been involved in my family for the last 5 years. Im divorced w/ 3 kids. The other day my 12 yr daughter called me at work screaming that she hates him. This man is like a father to her. She was very close to him. She told me that he touched her breast and put his hand down her pants. When I asked him if there was anything I needed to know he said we had to talk in person. I met w/him and he said they (all 4 kids) were wrestling and he accidently grabbed her breast. When he realized it he asked her if she was OK. He said she seemed fine, the air was cleared between them. If not he would have called me at work and had me come home. He knows he is banned from the house indeffiantly. I talked to my daughter and explain all that will happen to him and us if it was all true. She wants him in jail. My problem is How do I know if its true? Not streching the truth. Or a missunderstanding do to new hormones. The day before she was listentomusicandcryfor her father

Answer 1

this aint the place thats for sure.

try social services or the police.

Answer 2

What do the other kids say about it since they were all wrestling? You've done well to cut contact between the man and your daughter, at least until this is all cleared up. Try to introduce the notion that, if the police are notified, they may want each of them to take a lie detector test, and see if you notice even a slight withdrawal of assertions on your daughter's part. The bottom line is that you can't NOT report what happened. I would do it as soon as possible to children's services instead of the police. Get your daughter into counseling on the same day. They will need to see that you are handling this. Be sure to make it clear, though that there is the possibility that he is innocent, but you want to be sure.

Answer 3

YOUR unbelievably stupid! Of course your daughter is telling the truth, she is only 12! - a young female will never ever lie about such a thing, and she is your daughter, how can you not listen to her. she wont lie about such a thing, especially if she had known this older guy for 5 years, believe me its psychology's.
dont question your girl, be there for her and protect her now. or you will cause her unnecessary damage, and she might hate you for this regardless of what when she's older.
and of course will hate that guy.
i think your afraid of ruining your relationship with the family friend, or this seems a bit confusing for you since you havent dealt with this before. but remember guys should not be playing with 12 year old girls!!! ,
its not okay in that way, and any adults outside of the family should always be kept an eye on if with kids, this sort of stuff can start after a while, even 10 years. child molesters dont always act instantly.
and he has come up with one of the the most silliest, discusting and stupid excuses. - this is absolutely dumb, i can understand how you can believe this.
for your own good, keep him away from your family. this sick guy is not worth loosing or upsetting your daughter over.
stand by your daughter when she needs it the most! because she is upset and weak at the moment, these things can become very embarrassing and she could step down which you never ever want her to do, she needs to know that she can count on you and rely on you when she needs help! honestly, as well as her you will be facing a probs in your future if she isnt stood by now. you have to stand up and have the guts to tell this asshole to get lost.

Answer 4

If your daughter says this happened then it did. If she liked this man like you said does, why would she point the finger at him. Of course the man would tell you that everything was just innocent. Would you just come out and admit you had just touched a kid. I think you should believe your daughter. That's what your there for, to protect her. Even though this may cause you problems that your not ready to face, you should support her in the decision to prosecuted him. What if the next time it goes farther than a hand on the breast. I guess what I am saying is do you want to chance it??

Answer 5

Umm why would you even question if your daughter is telling the truth? Why would she lie about something like that when at 12 all she must know is innocence unless she was in the past abused? Why would stretch the truth or have a misunderstanding due to hormones? Hormones don't make women stupid. I think that it would be inappropriate for a man of grown age to wrassil with a 12 year old girl or be babysitting your 4 children. How is he involved with your family? Do you mean that he is involved with You?

Answer 6

You did the right thing in banning him from the house. When your daughter rang you screaming, that was the sign to tell you something is VERY wrong.
If she was making it up, she would have told you quietly over the breakfast table, or maybe not at all. The reason abuse goes on for so long is because the victims are threatened with their lives if they tell and so they don't.
I would report this incident to the Police if I were you. If he is innocent, he will have nothing to worry about and will talk to the Police and be co-operative. If he isn't then your suspicions are alighted.
Sit your daughter down and talk to her, ask her to describe what happened and then reassure that action will be taken and that SHE has done NOTHING wrong. You owe it to her to take action on this.

Answer 7

Although 12 yr olds are told the 'facts of life' they dont know how it feels until it actually happens to them.
You have obviously been in a situation where a man has touched you (otherwise you wouldnt have children). Ask her again but in detail... you'll know whether she's just copying something on TV or if something really has happened.
Also, you may want to think about her interpretation on the event (if it is how your male friend says it is). She may just be very frightened.
Either way, keep them seperated for a long time and she will come to you if she she feels safe enough to do so.

Answer 8

To be on the safe side, KEEP HIM AWAY FROM YOUR KIDS.
I mean your daughter shouldn't be lying all of a sudden, I think is true that the man did this thing to her. You've known him for long and your daughter has probably liked him before but now he's starting something which could lead to something dangerous. Keep your kids away! This man is dangerous, DO NOT TRUST HIM. Trust your own BLOOD not this man! It seems serious cause why would your daughter call you at work?

Answer 9

First of all she is 12 years old she knows all about Green Touch Red Touch so she is most likely telling the truth. She is your daughter believe her and tell the police that guy should not be allowed 1000 feet within your kids!!!!! So tell the police and understand that this is something serious not something that u should be talking about on Yahoo.

Answer 10

Thats tricky as could be either.

Think if hes telling the truth how much it would hurt him... Girls can be spiteful and doing crocodile tears and stuff as they aint on the recieving end of false claims.

Try a lie detector test on both of them


If hes telling the truth it will destory and innocent guy and people do play wrestle and accidents can happen. Kids love playing pounce on people plus girls that age can get emotional

Play wrestling is like play fighting and toughening up kids


Likewise if she is telling the truth then it needs sorting. As he could be lying. and a genuine peado and he can be doing puppy dog eyes. As mentioned this may not be the first time.
The accidental breast bit is far more likly then hand down pants.

Or she could have got a crush on him and grabbed him and he pused her away so shes pissed.

think if guys were wrestling, that could hppen.


likewise a conveinent excuse.

or it could have been a moments non thinking


or he may do this often and go abroad to do it with kids.

Stay neutral till then... ie stay fair and interrogate and lie detector test both.

Answer 11

never doubt your child!!! why would she lie to you!!!! if this was innocent she would know the difference! if you dont believe her she will think that its acceptable or despise you forever!!! call the police!! stay calm with your daughter and ask her to explain exactly what happened! ask the other children if necessary but im sorry but i find it a bid bizarre that a 12 yr old girl would want to play wrestle with a grown man!! the fact that she was crying the day before for her dad was nothing to do with it!!! talk to her and dont discount her opinion or feelings! she is what counts not some guy!!