I moved my friend here to finish school and get a job and all she wants to do is kick it. She has only been here for a week and all she does is complain about how boring it is here. She has not looked for a job nor a school to get her GED and she is 22 yrs old. All she does is sit on the computer, talk and the phone and smoke. She came here with a little money and all she has done is smoke it up. I paid for her ticket to get here with the understanding she would pay back half when she gets a job but now I feel like she should pay me back in full. She claims her BF is supposed to send her some money in 2 wks to go back and if not she is going to try to go back for her B day in 2 months. I want her to leave now if that's the case.
Am I wrong to want all my money back and to want her to leave? And what should I do?
2007-03-06 11:20:34 · 11 answers · asked by starlight 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Lending money to a friend is never a good idea. Even if you get promises to return the money...that person might view the friendship as an excuse not to return the money...in that you might be angry but wont throw her out or anything. Since this friend is 22, didn't finish high school, doesn't have a job and doesn't look to be in a hurry to get one, not to mention all the complaining she's doing...I would say its a safe bet that she has no intention of repaying you and either you live with that or ask her to leave. It will be better for you and who needs a friend like that anyway?
2007-03-13 21:09:45 · answer #1 · answered by coolred38 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
No your not wrong in feeling this way! You wanted to help your friend, but now that she is there and not doing anything to help herself, your feeling used and that your hospitality is being abused. Am I right ?
First how close are you and your friend? Second is she the type that you can be honest with and not have her carry a resentment towards you for it? Depending on how you answer these you will know how to proceed, lol with caution or with the idea that she isn't much of a friend anyways by behaving this way so hell with it put on your kid gloves and be truthful and direct about the way you feel about her actions . Ask her what she has done in the time she has been with you to find a job.If she has an excuse use her excuse and turn it back on her. example: if she says that there are no jobs available make sure you have the local paper or employment center list with you and have things circled on there that you would think would interest her. Since you 2 are friends you should know some of her dislikes, and likes. Prepare your self ahead of time before you confront her , think of every likely excuse she might have and preempt it . Sounds like your friend is lazy or a procastinator with no motivation to help her succeed. Tell her what its cost you already for her to be there and what its costing you now since she has done nothing to help out in anyway. Also tell her that her complaints do not help you to pay your bills. You did this as a favor to help her be successful and all she has done is to freeload of your good nature. You might lose her as a friend , but if you think about it do you really want someone who is like that for a friend?
On the other hand if she has some good qualities and that is why you 2 were friends to begin with you need to approach this with caution. She might have a low self esteem problem or she just might not have any real sense of direction, as her friend maybe you can help guide her in something she has talent for or shows interest in .
Good luck with your friend , Honesty will define how your future relationship lasts or ends, hope this will help you in some way.
2007-03-06 19:46:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
by letting her stick around and get a free ride, you are doing her a disservice. shes likely under the impression that she dosnt need to do anything as long as she has friends who will take care of her. it sound rediculous, but you are are proving her point! tell her straight up she isnt a teenager any more and you arnt her mother. if she isnt working a full time job, she should be looking for work full time. that means being out for 8 hours a day looking for work. if she was truly making an effort, she would be too busy to be bord. if she wont make the effort kick her *** out. it will mean she has to learn a lesson the hard way, but when you learn the hard way, you never forget.
dont feel like an asshole for telling her that she isnt getting a free ride, she will be better off if you give her some tough love, sounds like she needs to get her rear in gear or else shes headed for a miserable future.
2007-03-06 19:33:50 · answer #3 · answered by somedude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you are wrong. If you lend someone money without a promissory note or contract, it is called a gift. That is all you need to know about her money. If you want her to leave, call the police and ask them to escort her out of your home. If she is not on the lease or deed, she can not legally stay if you want her to leave. If you want to stay friends, and still want her to leave, you must make arrangements for her housing and help her for the next few months but give her a cutoff date. The military is still accepting applicants and they provide free education and housing........
2007-03-14 19:19:06 · answer #4 · answered by lex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong... she is using you and she needs to stop..... Tell her that she has until a certian day to get a job or you are going to have to kick her out... and stick to that day..... I would ask for the whole amount if I was being treated like that.
2007-03-06 19:34:07 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Parrish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds that it would be too hard to get your money back from her but it would be better for you to kick her out . you'll lose much more if she stays with you and she's just stressing you out . tell her to move out since she doesn't seem to care what happens to her , you can only care for a while you kno w. You've done your part now kick her out .......
2007-03-06 19:23:17 · answer #6 · answered by asphyxia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart. It sounds like one of my cases. My husband and I use to help people all the time. We always felt like it was our Christian duty. Well. NO MORE!!!! We have been used so many times it is hard to count. I surely know God has put some jewels in our crown. You have also earned your jewels. It is a hard situation, but you have to look out for you. Tell her her free ride is over and to get out now!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-03-06 19:29:14 · answer #7 · answered by justcurious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You're not wrong at all to ask her to leave, or to ask for your money back. I have a mate who was just like that. You can't let them push over you. You have to set some ground rules and be tough. You'll be a better person for it .
2007-03-06 19:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by jc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well tell her that you want the money now, but don't say anything about kicking her out..Also, you should just say how you feel.
2007-03-06 19:26:05 · answer #9 · answered by Little Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think your wrong at all i think you are right about all your actions.you have a life to and you need money for gas food and other important things she shouldn't have come if she was goin to do all the complaining tell her how you feel
2007-03-14 19:15:14 · answer #10 · answered by chantel c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋