so i have this best friend sense we were toddlers, and she is like my sister. she was a sweet heart and very reserved, she would always feel crappy about her self because people would say nasty things to her like you will never be this or you won't reach your goals and i was always there to cheer her up , give her advice, and tell her that she could make anything possible if she really wants it, but ever sense i moved shes been a totaly different person, bad people have changed her to be what she is now. she hides things from me when we never kept secrets from each other, she dates any loser, she has becomed two faced, she dumbs herself down to speak ghetto, which she never did. i've just moved away about a month ago, and she changed that fast, it hurts me alot to see her this way, should i cut off the relationship i have with her? its like i don't know who she is any more.
2007-03-06 10:55:39 · 21 answers · asked by bonni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i don't want to cut the realtionship off, but i hate to see her acting like this. and i do try talking to her but shes a kind of person that denys everything just not to talk about a problem she has.
2007-03-06 11:07:25 · update #1
the thing is that she gets influenced fast, i never let anyone influence me in a bad way thats how i am, but shes not as emotionally stong as me.
2007-03-06 11:11:24 · update #2
dont cut off the relationship. In the time your friend is going through troubles you need to have her back, and be there even if she dosent want you too, a true friend sticks through thick and thin, you need to encourage her and bring her too the light without getting inflouenced by her. She is struggeling because she does not know who she is, where she belongs, and what is her purpose. wich the only way to figure out is through the bible. but if you dont care about christians or anything my advice to you is be there to be her rock, when everything crumbles, it will be hard, but it will pay off.
<3 Sarah
2007-03-06 11:01:49 · answer #1 · answered by Squirrel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you were all that she knew for all that time though it's inevitable that she would change. figure that when you were gone she felt free to explore other options and figure out who she really is. you have to accept that fact that this is either who she is, and you wanted to see what you wanted to see in her, or this is her way of adapting to the society she's surrounded with and her way of getting by in a cruel world.
she may have gravitated towards the ghetto and the slums because they tend to be more accepting of people who don't have it all together, that are a bit insecure about themselvse or those that are different. the ghetto will take anyone, but once you're there it's hard to get back out. if that's the mentality she's taken on, and she isn't feeling you, then you have your work cut out for you. all you can really do at this time is be there for her the best that you can without compromising what you believe in. you have to figure that you have your middle class values, which right now conflict with hers; she may find this new lifestyle less stuffy and that she is truly free for a change, but that is only the case if she knows who she is and won't compromise that, and at this point it's entirely too early to figure out if that's the case. at the same time you have to stop telling her who you think she is or what she should be and listen to her more and get a feel for listening to her true voice, which it sounds like it's one that you don't recognize. ghetto or not, it says nothing about who she is, just what she's become and how she's articulating herself. people tend to devolve or digress into some relaxed form of themselves when people they know too well aren't around anymore.
as far as her dating losers that is what people have told her about herself all of this time so in some respect it's come full circle. people dont' think that we hear them or pay attention to what they say because we refuse to change, but that's rarely the case. maybe her ghetto friends, real or imagined, true or false, is what she needs at this point to figure out where she stands in this world ...
2007-03-06 19:05:51 · answer #2 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on your best friend; she probably needs you more than ever now. She's going through a difficult time and needs to be supported with care. You have to explain to her that she is who she wants to be and that she shouldn't listen to what people tell her she can't do, because she CAN. If you get this message to her she may start thinking about how she's been acting and try to change. You should realize that if she started acting like this AFTER you left, then that means she depends on you a lot and needs you more than ever.
2007-03-06 19:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you cant change anybody.we can only change ourselves and even that is only sometimes. i had a drug problem and got in with the wrong crowd, i was a bad person,i changed my self i guess i was 1 of the lucky ones. you have to tell her the changes you have noticed and just tell her how different she was and when she changes things she can find you or contact you.you no the saying tuff love or being cruel to be kind. well if not you will. whether, you cut her off or keep hold of her. by cutting it off u cut of all ties and end or stop the pain at the point its at or u keep hold and continue to watch the suffering she is going though and keep your ache-ing heart by having to experience it with her.i feel for you.i hope all goes well.
2007-03-06 19:07:50 · answer #4 · answered by jo.joggers 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Such a shame and so hard to see someone you care about throwing their life away. Unfortunately there are no magic words you can say to help bring her back. She's obviously making other choices for herself. It's out of your hands. Walking away will show her what she's losing, but don't use that as a way to "show her" - it won't work. Eventually, she will see what she is doing to herself. You can only hope that it happens before it's too late. Meanwhile, you have your own life to live, new friends to make, and good choices for yourself. Tell her you will be there for her when she is ready to walk away from her new lifestyle, but that you cannot be her friend and watch her throw it away.
2007-03-06 19:03:05 · answer #5 · answered by J F 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her how you feel,just like you have told us. I would still be her friend,but let her know that she is pushing you further and further away. In the end she'll realize that she lost the probably one of the only real friends she had. Don't give up on her though. We all have tough times,life will show her.
2007-03-06 19:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by sexygal8321 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm, people change over time and friendships don't always last forever. sad but true. if you feel uncomfortable around her, then try to talk to her about it. just don't be offensive or insulting, instead try asking how she feels about the friendship. if she gets defensive or mad, then don't bother arguing and just move on. she might come around later. if she feels that the friendship is worth saving, then talk to her and listen to how she's feeling about everything. just be nice.
not all friendships last forever, and you shouldn't have to compromise all of your values for a friendship. just remember sometimes people go through difficult periods in their life where they need their friends to support them. you decide what's the most appropriate decision for your friendship.
2007-03-06 19:03:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chances are she is seeking self worth from men.She more than likely has asked herself"why would anyone want me?"Tell her to become the type of person they WOULD want.That change comes from within , and the feelings about herself will change after she has changed her behavior.Tell her she is loved tho,and the fact you care and you are talking to her proves it.
2007-03-06 19:01:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, you need to have a long conversation with her, about how your doing and how your feeling about moving.
open up! tell her some hard stuff that is going on in your life, when girls here that you are opening up they feel more comfortable, and it might get her to open up.
just dont ditch her, because she might be treating you like this because you have always bean there for her and she feels that no matter what she does, you will still be there for her.
so dont give up on her, just get in there and ask her about herself
help her out, you are what she needs in her life!
2007-03-06 19:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by Savannah the Great. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe she is dealing with the fact that the one person she could trust has left her and she just does not know how to handle it very well.people will do somethings in life that u would never think they will do. all i can say is try and go she her and try to talk to her
2007-03-06 19:01:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋