Why do parents want to go the principal or counselor instead of the teacher when they have a concern?

Question

As a teacher, I would much rather a parent come to me and express their concerns, than go above my head and "tattle on me" to my boss. How can I help solve the problem if they don't tell me? I am human. I make mistakes. I try not to but it happens. Why do you think parents don't contact the teacher for help before going up the chain of command? Only once has this happened to me, but I felt horrible. I had to tell my principal that I knew nothing about it and the parent hadn't said word one to me. It only made the parent look worse, not better.

Bethany makes a good point. So I'd like to elaborate if I could. At the beginning of the year (and every time I get a new student) I give parents a magnet for the fridge with my name, phone number, voicemail box, and email address on it attached to a welcome packet. I communicate daily in every child's agenda, I send home weekly classroom newsletters, I communicate weekly in weekly home folders (contain all the work from the week and a behavior report), I let parents know up front that I check email several times a day even from home at night and on weekends. I have a wide open door policy. I also keep my classroom website updated bi monthly.

The specific reason I asked this questions was because I notice on Yahoo Answers that many folks write in to "go tell the principal or counselor about it" instead of "talk to your child's teacher and get the other side of the story or find out what's really going on or let the teacher know how you feel and see if something can be worked out.

Answer 1

I'm really surprised at the answers here. Maybe most of them have never been a teacher. I have always wondered why parents do the same to me. I don't think it has anything to do with whether I am approachable. Often I will get an email that has been also sent to my principal. It almost feels like a 'strong arm' technique, don't you think? I agree with you, I make mistakes and I would appreciate the parent talking to me about it, not my boss.
Better yet, why doesn't the student come to me? Teach your child to take care of things themselves.

Answer 2

I believe that people in general, parents, teachers, students alike all suffer from a crippling sense of lack-of-accountability. (Now, read on how that affects the parent before disagreeing too quickly.)

In the parents' cases, it manifests itself in a belief that there's nothing I can do. By contrast, a teach might typically believe that a parent has the foremost responsibility and, in turn, can actually accomplish the most, with regard to student growth in general.

If you simply compare those two perspectives you will see whether any disconnects between teachers and parents exist.

So, why then go to the administrator? Simple: they more closely share the parents' perspective...that is they, too, have little or no responsibility in the matter.

Administrators respond directly to publicly-appointed officials (at least here they do) so they want to keep the officials off their back. Officials want to keep the media and the public, in general, off their back...so they bend to the [aggregate] will of the non-accountable parent.

For the teacher, I see two empowered ways out:
1) Use bribery: promise students not to tell their parents as long as they ; tell the parents whatever they want to hear, same with the administrators. Once this system of trust is in-place, work within it, holding the promise over the students.
2) change careers. Acknowledge beforehand, however, that the same system occurs in any other career. To more easily recognize it, replace "student" with "tradesperson" , replace "parent" with "end-customer" and replace "administrator" with "legislator/county commissioner, etc."

Good luck with your frustrations, don't let them get you down emotionally. Remember it's only work after all.

Answer 3

At the schools open house at the beginning of the year, make sure that if parents have any concerns they may contact you. Have the student take home some little handout with your contact info, maybe email and work number or even home number if they have any questions or concerns. But some parents fly off the handle when they hear only one side of the complaint from their kids ,and they do not always react rationally and thats why the first person they call is the principal.

Answer 4

You might like to address this problem by making yourself more approachable. Encourage parents to contact you if they have any concerns. Keep in touch with the families of your students. Get to know them. You might consider having your students write a monthly newsletter that could go home to the parents or something along these lines. Building cooperative relationships with your students' parents can have numerous unforeseen benefits, not just in terms of your perceived approachability.

Answer 5

There will always be a few parents who think the teachers are against them and their child...it is crazy, but then some parents are. Do not take it personally.

Answer 6

Precisely because the Principal IS your boss. Usually when kids get in trouble at school, are they not told to go to the principal? Perhaps that's why parents go straight to the principal, if not for anything else, but force of habit - a learned behaviour? If you made the mistake it's natural to go above your head, because you're the one who made the mistake. Just like in a supermarket, if an employee makes the mistake, you go to their boss to fix it. I don't think it's about 'going over your head' or 'tattling on you'. It's just the way things go. Did you ever consider perhaps it's the parents being polite to you that they're not 'attacking you' rather they go to the principal. The principal is the head of the school so that means it's a 'school matter', rather than if it was you directly, then perhaps at that level it becomes 'personal'? I know it feels bad, but instead of brooding over the negatives, why not give them the benefit of the doubt, and try and think of the good in them that you may have mis-read. Wouldn't you like the same thing? I'm always mis-read by people because of my up-bringing. Often my good intentions are viewed completely the wrong way. Not only until I explain myself am I understood...This may be the same in your situation. It's okay. You're right. You're human, so don't beat yourself up over it okay? If all else fails, turn to God and pray, for guidance, for comfort, for wisdom, for patience. Sometimes parents are just emotional, or over protective of their kids...whatever the reason, whatever your situation, complain to God, talk to God, believe in God, believe He's there for you always. God Bless You and guide you....

Answer 7

Counselors and principals are trained to handle certain situations properly.

Answer 8

Well said.

Answer 9

because princple amd counselor are the man who guide the teacher.