its about life. u need lines that would match. so far i have
Life
What is life?
Life is like a bus full of people,
Headed down a steep hill.
And when you think its safe because it stopped,
It will explode like soda pop.
Life is banquet and most people are starving,
Because they’re to busy procrastinating,
And showing off.
2007-03-06 10:15:46 · 8 answers · asked by assecro 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Death
What is Death?
Death is like coming home late
and slipping into bed silently
after a hard day's living
when you think the battle will never end
it implodes into the vacuum
Death is a banquet of shadows that
sustain better than any food
because the true opposit of hunger is not fullness
it's never having to eat
2007-03-06 11:23:51 · answer #1 · answered by Andrea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to come up with better word choice and try to avoid cliches and similies- they tend to be to simple and childish, and try to have some sort of rythem and ryhme to it. like life, it's a bus, bursting with people, filled up to capacity, headed down a steep thrill of a hill, flying, roaring out of control. And when you believe that maybe it's safe, maybe it's alright because it's stopped, you'll realized that it never stops.
keep going, some good ideas, again work with word choice.
2007-03-06 18:28:15 · answer #2 · answered by piccilo hiccups 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My contribution to your poem:
Life is like Yahoo Answers.
Most of the questions are pointless and dumb
Do these people really exist?
Only occasionally do you find gems.
2007-03-06 18:20:58 · answer #3 · answered by Tyrone Biggums 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
soda pop has got to go but i think it is very well writeen and a nice poem but you need to add more to it but you should try and find the words within yourself so it's really your poem not ours :) goodluck and hope this helps
!
2007-03-06 18:24:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
dude....that's going to be really hard to match. and i'm sorry, but poems are personal things. you need to finish it yourself, if you can't work with what you have, then save it to use later and start new, that's what i do.
peace
2007-03-06 18:22:33 · answer #5 · answered by Shadow Lark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explode like a soda pop?
sry but u should definetly change dat
2007-03-06 18:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
in all frankness, scrap the whole poem, and start all over again. It isn't working, in any way, shape, or form.
Sorry.
2007-03-06 18:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by Jack Chedeville 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
and maybe ..
marvellous...
findings...
how will they show off...
if..
life is all..hops!or crops or pos ..or..or...
miracoulous shinings...
lovebindings...
blessings and findings
enjoyment some ridings..
to be continued...
2007-03-06 18:30:52 · answer #8 · answered by igirex 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋