I always watch my neices, so my sisters can work evenings, but it is becoming difficult, as their schedules get later and later. they have deadbeat boyfriends who haven't so much as bought diapers in the 2 years she's been here. Now, I love my sweet neice, and I would do anything for her, but have found that if i say no, i am just being a ***** or selfish according to my mother and sisters. I think they justify the fact that i have no children, and my husband works nights so i have nothing better to do.. but i am fed up being the only one to help.. how do i get my point across, that i don't mind helping, but i don't want to be the only on they count on/?
2007-03-06 09:40:07 · 14 answers · asked by nikki f 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My dear, if you make yourself less and less available to them then they'll have to look elsewhere for alternatives. Let them know far in advance that on such and such days, you cannot be the sitter because you have appointments. No need to elaborate. You have every right to be at certain places at certain times. On those dates, you make sure you are out of the house, even if it's just to take a stroll at the mall, push an empty cart in the grocery store, borrowing or reading books at the library, or being a volunteer at some nursing home or other.
Once your relatives realize that you DO have a LIFE, they will not expect too much from you. YOU HAVE TO SET THE LIMIT! YOU HAVE TO FIND YOURSELF SOME OTHER ACTIVITY THAN JUST BABYSITTING!!!
2007-03-06 09:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by JADE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Myself I would say I Love taking care of your child/children ,and also because I know child care really can become expensive.
I do have a family of my own, and other personal matters that you may not know about. There has to be some me time ,and some family time for my personal life. I do have to wash dishes, run errands also. I feel like we should sit down together to work out a plan for both of our life situations.I would like to tell you that MOST people will take advantage of the kind person anytime they get the chance. Even the person closest to you may even try.
2007-03-06 18:04:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Inform your niece that you will need to be paid for your services from now on. Tell her that you love her and her kids but you feel you are being taken advantage of and taken for granted. Leave the rest of the family out of it. This is between the 2 of you. If she does not like your terms, then she should make other arrangements. Then, if she is unwilling to cooperate, go to a movie at the time she will be dropping off the kids.
2007-03-06 17:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by babydoll 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are sooo right!! It's okay to do the odd favour but if you have no kids...maybe you want it that way...maybe you already raised your own but your kindness is being abused.
I'm not in this situation but I do see it all around me....grandparents getting totally knackered so the PARENTS can go work and bring lots of lolly home....many don't pay the carers a penny either...or just buy a little thank you gift occasionally. Of course the carers don't like to say no....but they shouldn't be put in that position in the first place.
So come on, all you who do this...they may say they're happy to do it...but what else would they say?
Either don't do it or pay up!
2007-03-06 17:45:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let them know they are relying on you too much. It is not selfish for you to say no, it's selfish for them to expect you to pick up the slack constantly. They chose to have the children and it is their responsibility to take care of them. Let them know, you love your nieces and can help sometimes, but that you have a life to and if that life is sitting at home getting some "me" time while hubby is at work...that's your right! Perhaps you can tell them "hey, I can watch them on this day if you need help", set limits so they know when you are available to help and when you're not. I think it's RIDICULOUS when people with kids start calling others selfish when they won't accommodate them every time they ask. Hello!
2007-03-06 17:49:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't understand why you are so upset?
you are allowing this to go on! you are allowing your family to dictate to you what you should be doing FOR THEM!!!
hahah I'd tell them, "hey, it's not my responsibility to take care of YOUR kids all the time. i have things that i would like to do in my life other than care for your kids! i don't mind helping out once in a while, but not all the time. i will watch your kids,,,say,,, twice a week and that's all!!! then stick to it!!!
when someone has a child it is THE PARENTS responsibility to care for that child not friends and family!!!
he and she that makes a baby pays for the baby... IN EVERY WAY. clothes, food, day care, sickness, housing, feeding ~~ the list is endless. kids are not toys to be played with when you have time.
perhaps your sister should have thought these things out BEFORE she got into bed and had unprotected sex!!!
YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE FUN, WHY SHOULD YOU PAY THE PRICE!!! and if your mother thinks you are a selfish bitc# tell her she can do it.
if you don't stick up for yourself who will!! unless you intend to do this babysitting thing for the rest of your life.. god forbid you should have kids of your own and then not have the time for your sisters kids!!!
2007-03-06 18:00:01 · answer #6 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretty simple, if you step back... the fact that someone calls you selfish or other names... does not make it a fact. The parents are pretty immature if they expect that other people have ANY obligation to raise the children, that they chose to have.
If someone else attempts to lay a guilt trip on you.. you are the only person to put a stop to FEELING guilty.
Time to put it on the line, calmly but firmly. If they hear you, fine. If they don't hear you... DON'T BE HOME WHEN THEY GET THERE.
Will they listen? maybe not. But that is not your problem, is it?
2007-03-06 17:47:55 · answer #7 · answered by wendy c 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only be taken advantage of if you allow it. You are not obligated to keep anyone's children. Your sisters work for money so they need to pay for childcare. If your mother gives you a bad time over this, tell her to volunteer to be the babysitter. You are being used!
2007-03-06 17:51:32 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say no, when you want to raise children, you will have your own. They are the ones who chose parenthood, they should not be guilt tripping you into babysitting. That is not fair of then, you are single and free, and you are the one who should be enjoying nights out.
Been there, done that, my sister said that I did not "love" my nephew, because I did not want to babysit (for free) every Friday night.
2007-03-06 17:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I have friends who pull that. Family or not charge money.. at least $5 an hour.. babysitting is babysitting no matter who's doing it.
Or get a list of local and affordable daycares that do nights
2007-03-06 17:45:02 · answer #10 · answered by Trippy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋