I am pregnant and my boyfriend is not ready for another baby and I will feel bad if I abort the baby?

Question

I am 24 and have 1 kid already not by the same person , but when I got pregnant I knew that we both was not ready to care for another baby. He has 4 kids already and I have one, and I decided recently that I did not want to abort the baby because of different reasons and sacrifices he said he dont want nomore kids plain out because that will mess up his life what would you tell him

Answer 1

I would tell him that if he is having unprotected sex with you that he is going to be enlarging his family. If he is not man enough to support his kids then you shouldn't be having any relationship with him. He is irresponsible.

Answer 2

If he doesn't / didn't want anymore kids than he should have thought about that and taken appropriate precautions. If you didn't want any kids, than you should have done the same. But what is done, is done. You can't change that fact. If you don't believe in abortion, like me, then definitely don't abort even if he pressures you too. If you feel you can't keep and care for the baby, then give the baby to a loving family that can. There are so many couples out there that can not have kids and really really want them.

Answer 3

I would tell him why I want to keep the pregnancy, that I'm not just trying to trap him or get money from him. Men do fear that that will happen to them. Then I would ask him if he is willing to give any kind of support to me and the baby. If he says no, then it's time to move on and find someone else. Even if he says yes, I would have to be realistic and realize that I'll probably end up raising this baby alone.

I would suggest that he get a vasectomy if he doesn't want anymore children.

If he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby, then I would consider whether an adoption would be best.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

Is adoption an option? Would you be willing to continue the pregnancy and then place the child with another family?

I know that a lot of people will come on here and tell you to tell him to be a man and face his responsibilities but I do sometimes feel it is unfair to men because we are the only ones capable of having children. Whether they like it or not, whether they want it or not, our personal decisions end up greatly changing their lives (and not always for the better). I think that sometimes when we become pregnant, we think that he is going to be overjoyed and that he's going to sweep us off our feet and take care of us and the baby for ever and we'll all live happily ever after. It never happens though and we get crushed when they tell us the truth.

He's told you how he feels and I think you should respect his feelings. If you are against abortion, I can understand that. But perhaps you should strongly consider an adoption. He has a lot on his plate with four other children to provide for and he was probably being very honest with you that he couldn't afford another one.

Sit down and really talk to him about it. Don't be mean and don't start making demands. Tell him how you feel right now and then listen to him when he tells you how he feels.

He may not be able to help you with another child. I have a friend who has three and can't afford anymore. If that's the case, then you know ahead of time that keeping the baby and raising it yourself will be something that you'll have to do alone. If you can't or don't want to do that, then adoption is your only other option.

You can't force a man or anyone else to be a good parent or take care of their children. Yes, you can force him into court and have part of his paycheck sent to you but all that really ever does is make the guy bitter and angry at you because he had no choice in the matter and you made the decision for him. It doesn't make him want to stay with you, want to spend time with your kid, or even want to talk to you. And it puts your child in a hard position too.

I would sit down with him and tell him why I wanted to keep the pregnancy. If he disagrees, then I would either need to start making plans to raise the baby alone or seek out an adoption. You're not going to be able to force him to stay with you, love you, take care of you, or be a good father to your child.

And, I would suggest that you recommend a vasectomy to him. It's an easy, out-patient procedure for him to undergo and then he won't have to worry about getting anyone else pregnant when he can't afford anymore children.

Answer 5

Well first off I think he should man up to what he has created. He was man enough to get you pregnant, therefore he should be man enough to help with this baby. Mess up his life.....I personally think you have a dead beat sperm donor of a boyfriend...meaning he has 4 kids already, and now he decides he doesnt want anymore. He should of thought of that when he decided to not wrap it up. I think you need to keep the baby and ditch him. If you YOURSELF think that the baby would have a better life with another family, then give the baby up for adoption. That is the best gift you can give him/her, if caring for him/her isn't an option. Really look at the whole situation........

Answer 6

Tell him you will not abort the child plain and simple. You can however discuss putting the child up for adoption once it is born. There are so many people out there dying to have children that can't and the baby could make their whole world. If you can't handle anymore children put the baby up for adoption and then get your tubes tied or have him get a vasectomy or both to be double sure it doesnt happen again.

Answer 7

Just tell him you have decided to have this child....this is only your second child and you know that if you abort this baby you will not feel right about it ever and that you just can't go that route...if he get mad, there is not much you can do about it....but this really isn't his decision to make and he shouldn't ask something like this out of you....just bare up and figure you are doing what is best for you...men come and go..but you have to live with yourself the rest of your life...and a decision as important as this is life altering...and only you should be the one to decide...

congratulations on the babe....I hope everything smoothes itself out for you...take care......

Answer 8

Tell him that a baby is a responsibility you dont have to want, but need to be ready for. Its your body, your decision, and unless there is something really wrong with the baby that would make you want to abort it, I dont think you should. I'm not anti-abortion or anything, I just think you should be able to do with your body what you want and his decision to not have kids should not effect your decision in keeping your baby! Good luck!

Answer 9

If a baby is coming, a baby is coming. You really need some birth control afterwards to prevent anymore. But have you considered putting the baby up for adoption? There are so many people out there who can't have a child of their own and would love and cherish this one. With open adoption you can even choose which couple gets the baby and you get to keep in contact. This may not be the answer for you but it is something to consider.

Answer 10

At this point one more child is not a biggie!

I think he should appreciate a child of your union. He helped create this new life. Make sure there are no more babies. Might I suggest a tubal ligation? Or a vasectomy?

Just love this child. Chances are he will love it when it comes.

I wish you well. With all those kids you will need it.

I also hope you have family for support.

Answer 11

I would tell him that a baby could not do anything but make his life more fulfilling. People always tend to look at babies as a hinderance to their life, when in reality babies are a blessing. You're definitly right in your decision to not abort the child. Babies, whether they're accidents or not, do not deserve to be killed or given away. That baby deserves to have two parents who love him/her. Tell the guy to say goodbye to his old life, and to look forward to his new and beautiful life with you and your son/daughter. If he decides to leave anyways, then that is out of your control. Do what is best for you, and always look to God to help you in your decisions. I hope this helps :)