Improvements?

Question

I am writing a short monologue on a person who chooses not to believe in any religion, but its back in when religion was not an option, in greece in like 300 BCE How can it improve, what can I add?

Why do we act this way? Us humans, worshiping immortals and changing our ways to please them. Should I believe this nonsense? To be dragged around by this religion! Its unbelievable. I don’t have control of my actions or even my way of life. When I do something wrong why does that cause the gods to punish me or make me ill? Why don’t other Athenians feel this way? It’s absurd! I want to and I will be able to run my own life, so I will rebel! Against all the believers and their troubled minds! Show them that no longer should we be slaves to these gods. Pushed around by a fake idea… disgusting. As a child belief was so simple, it explained life to me. Everyone needs their minds to grow up just as their bodies. Grow up as I have, with a new understanding.

Answer 1

First off, you can fix one little grammar mistake: "Us humans" should be "We humans."

As for the message, I like it! It's dramatic. Sounds like it has emotion behind it. The only thing I would add if it were me is this idea: At the end, you said that maturity led to loss of faith, but loss of faith can also lead to maturity... People who are anti-religion are often, at core, against being told what to do by society and government as well. And it can be argued that society and governments created religion. Your actor calls religion "a fake idea" -- if it's fake, who created it?

Though, that does put a revolutionary spin on it and I don't know if that's a direction you want your writing to take.