You want to hear a messed up story...please read?

Question

My ex bf who i s29 yr old teacher, was very depressed and very suicidal. When I was with him, I told him he needed to see a professional.He only wanted my help. He would tell me over and over he was going to do it, that he bought Cyanide over the interenet, he was going to go thru with it before summer vacation was over. There were times he would hang up the phone and not answer, I didnt know if he was alive or dead. He told me never to call the police, because if he saw the police he would do it right then and there. I went through many nights with anxiety, panic attacks. Well, the reason he felt this way was becuase he had a child w/ a one night stand he wanted nothing to do with, he was ashamed. I helped him come to terms, for him to leave me for the mother of his child. Not only that, he talked about me and devalued me as to who I was to him. He told me if I need help getting through the breakup, to see a pychologist. I have, because, I feel like I lost it. Everything he ever told

me was a lie. I feel he messed with my head so badly, I dont know who I am anymore. If I had walked away and he really did kill himself, I wuldnt have been able to deal, thats why I helped him. I am aware he mentally abused me in some form. But its been 8 months and I cant stop t hinking about what he did to me. I get so angry and cry alot. ITs effected my life in many ways. How to cope? Please help.

Answer 1

You know, mental and emotional...psycological, abuse is the worst kind. It sucks you in and then like a vampire, sucks everything out of you...this is definitely an emotional vampire!
I was married to one for nearly 17 years. I know this will sound hard, but the best thing that I can tell you is just get over it. As long as you go on dwelling on it, he is still winning in his twisted way! You have to just make the choice that you are not going to let him continue to suck the life out of you from a distance. The neatest thing about the human quality we have called free will, is that we are able to choose how we respond to any outside stimulus. It really is up to you to make the decision on how you respond. You can look at this with a negative aspect and let it control you, or you can take back control of your life and choose to take the positive approach, and let this be an opportunity for some real self-growth and take out of the bad, something good.
Realize that what doesn't kill you WILL make you stronger. Take a pro-active approach to yourself. You can use your power of "response" ability...and turn what he has done into the best thing that ever happened to you, by using this time to turn your attention inward and become more self-aware. No one can make you feel anything that you don't allow them to. Don't give anyone that kind of power over you! No matter what he does, it has nothing to do with you. He is using all of that stuff to gain control over you and you are letting him have it, even now after you are rid of him, you are still carrying his baggage...let go, carry your own...after all, you can't control a thing other than yourself, but you have all the power you need to take charge of your own life...so stop dwelling on what he has done to you, stand up and choose to grow into the person you want to be. Start doing the things that make you feel good about yourself, look around you at all the other people who suffer, and realize that at least you do have control over how you let this affect you. Exercise your "response"ability, and respond in a positive way by taking this difficulty and making it an opportunity to do something better...to improve who you are! You can do this! I know you can do it because I did and sure enough, I am A-Okay today! I hope for the best for you!

Answer 2

This guy has major control issues within himself and threatening to kill oneself is not only a self-defense mechanism, but one that a lot of men use to control a woman.

My grandfather on my dad's side and my dad both pulled these kinds of stunts several times over many years. I was a child and heard it all - it's like a drug for them. They actually get high off of seeing a woman begging for them not to pull the trigger.

Don't get me wrong; this guy definitely has a mental issue HE needs to get help for, but so do you. You became his co-dependent, trying to save him all the time. You became consumed with him and saving him - that's exactly what he wanted. now he has no use for you, so he threw you to the side and is pointing the finger at you to keep the light off of him and his new relationship. The very same thing drug abusers and addicts do, including alcoholics.

Get some help for yourself, mostly so you can learn how not to become a victim of this again. there are signs, and a lot of people never realize it until they come to the point you have. Forget about him - help yourself. That is really all you can do, but definitely cut all ties to this guy as well. He will come full circle, once this other chick gets tired of the same dance and he will be back. They always are, so arm yourself and keep walking. It's not your fault and you did nothing to bring this out in him, nor are you the one with the issue. Please remember that.

Answer 3

ok this isnt your fault , period and i mean period !!!
this is soemone trying to force you to help them , as for the suicidal thoughts ,most people that talk about suicidal dont in fact do it , if i was to guess you loved this guy so much ,that you did help, YOU STOPPED HIM KILLING HIMSELF.at least part time .
for that i can assure you, that your a good person !!
there was a point i could see that your tryed to let him be and just get on with it , i would agree that you needed a breck from him and that was the right thing to do .at the time .however , i have deal with this kind of thing before , i allways make a deal with a person that they phone me twice aday to confirm that they are still in fact ,not hurt not trying to hurt them selfs, and i react when i dont get a call, that way you know ,whats happening . but your latter part of your letter stated that you needed help , this im not so sure off ,im guessing he was playing a guilt trip on you, and he used you , i bet hes played this game before . if i was to suggest , i would get on my life and tell my self i did what i thought was right ,at the time ,and its his lost... my i wish you well ,and put this behind you forever

Answer 4

Counselling is definitely the way to go, whether professional or just with a good friend. You have to be able to talk with someone about this! Don't keep it inside.

Answer 5

Yeah, none of this is your fault. He's an idiot who is trying to control you. You don't need pyschological help. If anything, you did the right thing by making him grow up and learn responsibility because he has a kid.

Answer 6

He was controlling you and something in you allowed him to do it.
Take responsibility for your part and then be glad that he is gone.
Yon need to decide today that you will not let his memory take another bit of who you are away.
Consider him a bad lesson you have learned the hard way .
Respect yourself and demand respect from others,you deserve it.

Answer 7

wow. that guy=bastard.

nuff said

you probably should see a psychiatrist to deal with your feelings if they get really bad.

other than that just move on, chances are he'll come crawling back, then when that day comes, whip out the ol baseball bat and start swingin'.

Answer 8

your story could be an "Evanescence" song.
if nothing binds you to him -and nothing should- you should see a psychologist.
it's sad, this thing, because you do not really have any mental problems. you need a treatment for being supportive.

Answer 9

you might need to seek professional help...so that you could move on ... i wouldn't suggest jumping into a relationship to soon until you are completely ready... keep your head up and talk someone asap

Answer 10

Wow,,,what a prick...should of let him kill himself....Try counseling it may help you...none of this is your fault, you did what you thought was right....obviously he is the messed up one... Get angry, tell him what a bastard he is,,,,it may help